Horror movies-TO AVOID
In an attempt to help some people filter through all the crap that's out there. Hopefully this will save someones time-after all, every minute we're getting closer to death, so why spend another moment watching a bad film?
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- DirectorOlly BlackburnStarsSian BreckinNichola BurleyJaime WinstoneThings go drastically wrong for a group of British holidaymakers in Spain.Absolute trash... And not in a good way!
It's probably my ignorant American viewpoint, but I was surprised to see such a crappy high production movie come out of Europe. There's nothing good here, no element of suspense, no empathy for the characters...I imagine it was trying to be shocking and controversial, but there's nothing that warrants that either. Avoid like the plague-wait, I'd rather have that then be subjected to this piece of *beep* again! - DirectorRuairi RobinsonStarsLiev SchreiberElias KoteasRomola GaraiA group of astronaut explorers succumb one by one to a mysterious and terrifying force while collecting specimens on Mars.I wanted to like this so much. After going on a 'Space-Horror' binge, watching the first Alien films, Event Horizon and Pandorum, I was really looking forward to watching The Last Days on Mars. But really, when I saw it was free for streaming on Netflix, I should have known... It was long ago that I streamed the last good film in their terrible selection.
Basically, it comes down to this: 'Zombies on Mars'. And it's not campy either, they try to make it seem scientific which makes it even dumber. I would have rather the money raised to produce this film be given to a crack addict, because they'd have put it to better use. - DirectorJames WanStarsVera FarmigaPatrick WilsonMadison WolfeEd and Lorraine Warren travel to North London to help a single mother raising four children alone in a house plagued by a supernatural spirit.A big disappointment. I really liked the first 'The Conjuring', and I expected to like this one too. It got a lot of good reviews, and the preview looked real exciting. But it's not- there wasn't even a moment where I flinched. The best part is where Patrick Wilson is singing "I can't help falling in love with you", because he has a nice voice.
Oh and its about two hours too long. - DirectorJames DeMonacoStarsEthan HawkeLena HeadeyMax BurkholderA wealthy family is held hostage for harboring the target of a murderous syndicate during the Purge, a 12-hour period in which any and all crime is legal.I thought that the premise for this movie was funny, and was expecting to have a trashy good time.
Well, I still like the premise, but I hate how it was executed. There was nothing funny, or scary about The Purge. If you disagree, I can only imagine that your IQ is very low or that you are under the age of 7. Another piece of trash, another couple million dollars thrown out the window. - DirectorDavid GelbStarsOlivia WildeMark DuplassEvan PetersA group of medical researchers discover a way to bring dead patients back to life.Oh God, I can't even bare to write about this one! I'm not sure which is worse, this or 'Splice', but either way, not a proud moment in the history of scary movies. Another gem that you can stream instantly on Netflix and turn off after ten minutes.
- DirectorVincenzo NataliStarsAdrien BrodySarah PolleyDelphine ChanéacGenetic engineers Clive Nicoli and Elsa Kast hope to achieve fame by successfully splicing together the DNA of different animals to create new hybrid animals for medical use.I really don't even know what to say about this one...Well, Adrian Brody and I went to the same high school, albeit, years apart, and I can say confidently that I am not proud of that. Any of his accomplishments as an actor are undone in this bizarre piece of trash that can't even decide whether it's a comedy, a sci-fi pic, or a weird anthropomorphic-bestiality pornography film.
- DirectorS. Craig ZahlerStarsKurt RussellPatrick WilsonMatthew FoxIn the dying days of the old west, an elderly sheriff and his posse set out to rescue their town's doctor from cannibalistic cave dwellers.One of the better films on this list, but still a piece of trash-just a very high quality one.
You'd think with all the good actors and the genre-bending premise (Cannibals in the wild west) Bone Tomahawk would be a pretty cool movie, and for the first 3/4 of the film it had drawn me in.
But when it came down to it, I was really let down. I was left with a sense that I had just watched Patrick Wilson and Tom Hanks play 'cowboys and indians' for a good two hours, which was sort of embarrassing...for them. - DirectorRyûhei KitamuraStarsVinnie JonesBradley CooperLeslie BibbA photographer's obsessive pursuit of dark subject matter leads him into the path of a serial killer who stalks late night commuters, ultimately butchering them in the most gruesome ways.I already wrote a review for this one, but I'll say it once again...What a piece of garbage!
I think The Midnight Meat Train was trying to be too many things. Noir. Horror. Torture Porn. Comedy. And it falls short in every category.
To make matters worse, the gore isn't even realistic-the CGI looks like something from the early 90's, and makes Cube look like 'Avatar'. - DirectorMark TonderaiStarsWilliam AshChristine BottomleyAndreas WisniewskiA young couple on a motorway journey are drawn into a game of cat and mouse with a truck driver following a near accident.Not to be confused with Mark Flannegan's thriller, this ones an utter piece of garbage. Starts off with a somewhat entertaining premise but became so boring that I turned it off with only 20 minutes to go. I hope I can save someone the time that I lost, watching this horrible movie.
- DirectorBobcat GoldthwaitStarsAlexie GilmoreBryce JohnsonLaura MontagnaA man and his girlfriend camp in the woods to capture firsthand evidence of Bigfoot.I feel mortified because I confused this one with 'Wolf Creek' and gave it a good review, and now have to live with that as I don't know how to delete my review. This movie, like 'Exists' is about Bigfoot. It's also a found-footage, and IMO it's a lot of hype over nothing.
- DirectorEduardo SánchezStarsSamuel DavisDora MadisonRoger EdwardsA group of friends who venture into the remote Texas woods for a party weekend find themselves stalked by Bigfoot.Alright guys, if Eduardo Sanchez can't make a scary movie about Bigfoot, lets just say it's safe to say no one can! After all, isn't Bigfoot supposed to be a benevolent creature? Stupid..
- DirectorScott DerricksonStarsEthan HawkeJuliet RylanceJames RansoneA controversial true-crime writer finds a box of Super 8 home movies in his new home, revealing that the murder case he is currently researching could be the work of an unknown serial killer whose legacy dates back to the 1960s.What an awful piece of trash..And to think I spent a couple bucks renting this one.
Another cliche story about a malevolent spirit that takes hold of children, causing them to inflict great physical cruelty on those around them. The only movie that got the 'scary child' thing right was 'The Shining', and everything since for the most part has been mundane trash like this. Avoid at all cost, unless you also like movies like 'Insidious' and 'The Conjuring 2'. - DirectorJames WanStarsPatrick WilsonRose ByrneTy SimpkinsA family looks to prevent evil spirits from trapping their comatose child in a realm called The Further.Going into this movie I knew there was a 50/50 chance that I would either like it or hate it. After all, it seemed most of the fans that raved over it also thought 'Sinister' was 'terrifying', and after watching the second 'Conjuring' film, I've become more than skeptical of director James Wan's ability to create a scary film. However I did like the original 'The Conjuring' enough to give it a chance. After all, I've seen multiple sources claim that 'Insidious' was perhaps the 'scariest film of the decade'-and let me be clear, it's not, by a long shot.
Insidious is another mindless cliche paranormal flick in the vein of 'Sinister' and 'Dark Skies'. Theres not enough screeching violins in the world to make this movie close to scary. I couldn't believe it, but I actually found myself fighting to stay awake the whole time. I now know if I find this movie, or Sinister on any list of 'Truly Frightening Films' to distrust the reviewer. Insidious is another run of the mill crap-shoots dispensed from Hollywoods ever-defecating anus. AVOID. - DirectorM.J. AndersonStarsAdam LeClairStefanie ButlerLexi AlexanderWhen David unknowingly captures evidence of suspicious behavior while documenting his cross-country move and surprise wedding proposal, he and his unsuspecting fiancé-to-be become the newest target of a dangerous stalker.Another found-footage disaster. This one tries to bring something fresh into the genre by dealing with psychopaths and real-world monsters, but it's so unrealistic and unbelievable that it might as well be some supernatural manifestation of stupidity. It was entertaining enough that I watched it through to the end, but boy, what a stupid plot-twist.
- DirectorZachary DonohueStarsMelanie PapaliaDavid SchlachtenhaufenAdam ShapiroWhile studying the habits of web cam chat users from the apparent safety of her own home, a young woman's life begins to spiral out of control after witnessing a grisly murder online.This movie got a lot of good reviews, and I imagine they were for the films unique format, which tells a story through multiple face-time conversation. However, IMO the gimmick gets old fast. The first half seems promising, but like 'Followed', it delves into the unfortunate realm of cliche that haunt so many movies of this ilk. I was hoping this would be as good as 'Creep', but it wasn't by a long shot.