There is nothing remotely entertaining about any aspect of the new thriller Fatale, starring Michael Ealy and Hilary Swank. It is a film that ultimately has nothing new to add to the genre nor does it feign to even be a competent entry to the same.
Following a passionate one-night affair, Derrick (Ealy) is subject to watching his supposed perfect life slip away as the other woman, Valerie (Swank), who intwines herself into his life via a murder investigation that threatens to unravel his entire life.
Unfortunately, that is about as interesting as the film ever manages to get. This apparent Fatal Attraction (1987) wannabe never finds anything resembling solid footing as it plows through its overly expository first act to set up the illicit affair between the two main characters, forgoing even the pretense of likability in any of the principle characters.
Director Deon Taylor, whose previous film, 2019’s Black and Blue...
Following a passionate one-night affair, Derrick (Ealy) is subject to watching his supposed perfect life slip away as the other woman, Valerie (Swank), who intwines herself into his life via a murder investigation that threatens to unravel his entire life.
Unfortunately, that is about as interesting as the film ever manages to get. This apparent Fatal Attraction (1987) wannabe never finds anything resembling solid footing as it plows through its overly expository first act to set up the illicit affair between the two main characters, forgoing even the pretense of likability in any of the principle characters.
Director Deon Taylor, whose previous film, 2019’s Black and Blue...
- 1/9/2021
- by Mike Tyrkus
- CinemaNerdz
Pixels
Written by Tim Herlihy & Timothy Dowling
Directed by Chris Columbus
USA, 2015
There are mild amusements to be found in Pixels. Nostalgia oozes from every cinematic pore, as director Chris Columbus weaves these videogame relics into a modern landscape. Unfortunately, rather than fully committing to his elegant premise, Columbus gets bogged down in unconvincing character development. It’s easier to believe a ginormous Pac-Man will chomp New York City than Kevin James will ever be President of the United States! Sandler fans and little kids might enjoy this rollcall of ‘80s game icons, but everyone else should just rent Ghostbusters instead.
Pixels is a love letter to old school gamers. The original nerds who spent way too much time (and money) at the local video arcade when they should have been cutting class and sneaking cigarettes, instead. Like any self-respecting clique, these gamers had their own de facto leaders. In this particular case,...
Written by Tim Herlihy & Timothy Dowling
Directed by Chris Columbus
USA, 2015
There are mild amusements to be found in Pixels. Nostalgia oozes from every cinematic pore, as director Chris Columbus weaves these videogame relics into a modern landscape. Unfortunately, rather than fully committing to his elegant premise, Columbus gets bogged down in unconvincing character development. It’s easier to believe a ginormous Pac-Man will chomp New York City than Kevin James will ever be President of the United States! Sandler fans and little kids might enjoy this rollcall of ‘80s game icons, but everyone else should just rent Ghostbusters instead.
Pixels is a love letter to old school gamers. The original nerds who spent way too much time (and money) at the local video arcade when they should have been cutting class and sneaking cigarettes, instead. Like any self-respecting clique, these gamers had their own de facto leaders. In this particular case,...
- 7/22/2015
- by J.R. Kinnard
- SoundOnSight
Opened Friday, April 7
They hide these things for a reason, folks.
Apparently sensing that the nation's film critics would collectively not appreciate the subtle, understated humor of this latest Adam Sandler-produced effort, the aptly titled "The Benchwarmers" opened Friday without press screenings.
Clearly hoping for some "Dodgeball"-level boxoffice, this gross-out comedy is about a trio of losers inspiring some young tykes on the baseball field to beat their bullying competition.
Unfortunately, Rob Schneider, David Spade and Jon Heder aren't exactly The Three Stooges. Heck, they aren't even the "Three Amigos".
You can practically set your watch by the obligatory trotting out of the vulgar gags. Within the first minute, nose picking; by the third minute, farting, etc. Rest assured that every bodily function is covered by the film's conclusion, within the limits of the PG-13 rating.
This is not to say that there isn't some genuine humor on display. Perhaps the funniest gag stems from the casting of Molly Sims as Schneider's eager-to-be-pregnant wife.
Schneider actually plays it relatively straight as Gus, the only one of the three losers to actually have had sex, let alone kissed a girl. Heder's mentally challenged delivery boy and Spade's lesbian-loving video store clerk are far broader, if no more funny, characterizations.
The few laughs in the film stem from Jon Lovitz's amusing turn as a nerdy billionaire who bankrolls the three in order to help his young son get off the bench. Living in a mansion filled with "Star Wars" memorabilia and driving around in the Batmobile, the character is a hoot, and the underplaying Lovitz makes the most of it.
Otherwise, Dennis Dugan's film is strictly by the numbers, featuring the obligatory self-deprecating cameo by a real-life sports hero (Reggie Jackson), an overload of blatant product placement (Pizza Hut) and an utterly manufactured happy ending.
You have to credit the filmmakers for at least acknowledging their level of dreck during the final credits, when Lovitz rhetorically asks, "This was a complete waste of time, wasn't it?"
THE BENCHWARMERS
Columbia Pictures
A Revolution Studios presentation of a Happy Madison production
Credits: Director: Dennis Dugan
Screenwriters: Allen Covert, Nick Swardson
Producers: Adam Sandler, Jack Giarraputo
Executive producers: Barry Bernardi, Allegra Clegg
Director of photography: Thomas Ackerman
Production designer: Perry Andelin Blake
Editors: Peck Prior, Sandy Solowitz
Music: Waddy Wachtel
Costume designer: Mary Jane Fort
Cast:
Gus: Rob Schneider
Richie: David Spade
Clark: Jon Heder
Mel: Jon Lovitz
Jerry: Craig Kilborn
Liz: Molly Sims
Wayne: Tim Meadows
Howie: Nick Swardson
Running time -- 80 minutes
MPAA rating PG-13...
They hide these things for a reason, folks.
Apparently sensing that the nation's film critics would collectively not appreciate the subtle, understated humor of this latest Adam Sandler-produced effort, the aptly titled "The Benchwarmers" opened Friday without press screenings.
Clearly hoping for some "Dodgeball"-level boxoffice, this gross-out comedy is about a trio of losers inspiring some young tykes on the baseball field to beat their bullying competition.
Unfortunately, Rob Schneider, David Spade and Jon Heder aren't exactly The Three Stooges. Heck, they aren't even the "Three Amigos".
You can practically set your watch by the obligatory trotting out of the vulgar gags. Within the first minute, nose picking; by the third minute, farting, etc. Rest assured that every bodily function is covered by the film's conclusion, within the limits of the PG-13 rating.
This is not to say that there isn't some genuine humor on display. Perhaps the funniest gag stems from the casting of Molly Sims as Schneider's eager-to-be-pregnant wife.
Schneider actually plays it relatively straight as Gus, the only one of the three losers to actually have had sex, let alone kissed a girl. Heder's mentally challenged delivery boy and Spade's lesbian-loving video store clerk are far broader, if no more funny, characterizations.
The few laughs in the film stem from Jon Lovitz's amusing turn as a nerdy billionaire who bankrolls the three in order to help his young son get off the bench. Living in a mansion filled with "Star Wars" memorabilia and driving around in the Batmobile, the character is a hoot, and the underplaying Lovitz makes the most of it.
Otherwise, Dennis Dugan's film is strictly by the numbers, featuring the obligatory self-deprecating cameo by a real-life sports hero (Reggie Jackson), an overload of blatant product placement (Pizza Hut) and an utterly manufactured happy ending.
You have to credit the filmmakers for at least acknowledging their level of dreck during the final credits, when Lovitz rhetorically asks, "This was a complete waste of time, wasn't it?"
THE BENCHWARMERS
Columbia Pictures
A Revolution Studios presentation of a Happy Madison production
Credits: Director: Dennis Dugan
Screenwriters: Allen Covert, Nick Swardson
Producers: Adam Sandler, Jack Giarraputo
Executive producers: Barry Bernardi, Allegra Clegg
Director of photography: Thomas Ackerman
Production designer: Perry Andelin Blake
Editors: Peck Prior, Sandy Solowitz
Music: Waddy Wachtel
Costume designer: Mary Jane Fort
Cast:
Gus: Rob Schneider
Richie: David Spade
Clark: Jon Heder
Mel: Jon Lovitz
Jerry: Craig Kilborn
Liz: Molly Sims
Wayne: Tim Meadows
Howie: Nick Swardson
Running time -- 80 minutes
MPAA rating PG-13...
- 4/10/2006
- The Hollywood Reporter - Movie News
It should come as no surprise that "Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo" is every bit as vulgar, sophomoric and thoroughly tasteless as 1999's "Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo".
But what is most annoying is the sequel's capability of inducing laughter even as one hates oneself for so easily succumbing to the total silliness of it all.
Of course, there are many who won't give it up for the Deuce, but those who contributed to the original's $65 million-plus domestic theatrical take should find that the further adventures of Rob Schneider's naive prosti-dude with the heart of gold delivers the damaged goods.
Unlike the other R-rated summer comedies -- "Wedding Crashers" and, presumably, the upcoming "The 40-Year-Old Virgin" -- "Bigalow" will skew heavily toward young males, though many of the screams of grossed-out laughter at a recent preview screening sounded unmistakably female.
Given the film's eyebrow-raising 77-minute running time, which has got to be some kind of record for a live-action major studio release, it's clear that the new "Deuce" doesn't exhibit much in the way of staying power, but it could perform well enough to leave a smile on Columbia Pictures' face, especially after "Stealth"'s no-show.
When we last saw Schneider's Bigalow, he had closed up his little black book in exchange for wedded bliss to the one-legged Kate.
Well, it turns out she was tragically killed in a freak fish-feeding incident during their honeymoon. Mourning her loss, Deuce, with her prosthetic limb close at his side, travels to Amsterdam, where he's reunited with his former man madam, T.J. Hicks (a never funnier Eddie Griffin).
In short order, he finds himself having to revert to his old ways when there's an outbreak of murders targeting Europe's greatest gigolos and T.J.'s the No. 1 suspect.
The concept might be "Who Is Killing the Great Man-Whores of Europe?" but Schneider and co-screenwriters David Garrett & Jason Ward give it their own perverse, juvenile spin.
And though the comic potency of all those wacky, phallocentric euphemisms start to peter out -- sorry -- long before the magic 77-minute mark, first-time feature director Mike Bigelow (no joke) keeps the requisite frat house mentality intact.
Once again, the film's strongest asset is the loopy interplay between Schneider's he-babe in the woods and Griffin's nutty pimp, but there's also colorful backup provided by a supporting cast including Jeroen Krabbe, Hanna Verboom as Deuce's obsessive compulsive romantic interest and a host of cosmopolitan film and TV personalities playing the assorted egotistical members of the International Man-Whore Society.
Even though the key art would have potential viewers believing otherwise, the production never leaves the Netherlands, which might lead the geographically impaired to believe that the Leaning Tower of Pisa could one day land right smack dab in the middle of the city of legalized prostitution and wooden shoes.
Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo
Columbia Pictures
Columbia Pictures presents a Happy Madison production
Credits:
Director: Mike Bigelow
Screenwriters: Rob Schneider and David Garrett & Jason Ward
Story by: Rob Schneider
Based on characters created by: Harris Goldberg and Rob Schneider
Producers: Jack Giarraputo, Adam Sandler and John Schneider
Executive producer: Glenn S. Gainor
Director of photography: Marc Felperlaan
Production designer: Benedict Schillemans
Editors: Peck Prior, Sandy Solowitz
Costume designer: Linda Bogers
Music: James L. Venable. Cast: Deuce Bigalow: Rob Schneider
T.J. Hicks: Eddie Griffin
Gaspar Voorsboch: Jeroen Krabbe
Heinz Hummer: Til Schweiger
Eva Voorsboch: Hanna Verboom
MPAA rating: R
Running time -- 77 minutes...
But what is most annoying is the sequel's capability of inducing laughter even as one hates oneself for so easily succumbing to the total silliness of it all.
Of course, there are many who won't give it up for the Deuce, but those who contributed to the original's $65 million-plus domestic theatrical take should find that the further adventures of Rob Schneider's naive prosti-dude with the heart of gold delivers the damaged goods.
Unlike the other R-rated summer comedies -- "Wedding Crashers" and, presumably, the upcoming "The 40-Year-Old Virgin" -- "Bigalow" will skew heavily toward young males, though many of the screams of grossed-out laughter at a recent preview screening sounded unmistakably female.
Given the film's eyebrow-raising 77-minute running time, which has got to be some kind of record for a live-action major studio release, it's clear that the new "Deuce" doesn't exhibit much in the way of staying power, but it could perform well enough to leave a smile on Columbia Pictures' face, especially after "Stealth"'s no-show.
When we last saw Schneider's Bigalow, he had closed up his little black book in exchange for wedded bliss to the one-legged Kate.
Well, it turns out she was tragically killed in a freak fish-feeding incident during their honeymoon. Mourning her loss, Deuce, with her prosthetic limb close at his side, travels to Amsterdam, where he's reunited with his former man madam, T.J. Hicks (a never funnier Eddie Griffin).
In short order, he finds himself having to revert to his old ways when there's an outbreak of murders targeting Europe's greatest gigolos and T.J.'s the No. 1 suspect.
The concept might be "Who Is Killing the Great Man-Whores of Europe?" but Schneider and co-screenwriters David Garrett & Jason Ward give it their own perverse, juvenile spin.
And though the comic potency of all those wacky, phallocentric euphemisms start to peter out -- sorry -- long before the magic 77-minute mark, first-time feature director Mike Bigelow (no joke) keeps the requisite frat house mentality intact.
Once again, the film's strongest asset is the loopy interplay between Schneider's he-babe in the woods and Griffin's nutty pimp, but there's also colorful backup provided by a supporting cast including Jeroen Krabbe, Hanna Verboom as Deuce's obsessive compulsive romantic interest and a host of cosmopolitan film and TV personalities playing the assorted egotistical members of the International Man-Whore Society.
Even though the key art would have potential viewers believing otherwise, the production never leaves the Netherlands, which might lead the geographically impaired to believe that the Leaning Tower of Pisa could one day land right smack dab in the middle of the city of legalized prostitution and wooden shoes.
Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo
Columbia Pictures
Columbia Pictures presents a Happy Madison production
Credits:
Director: Mike Bigelow
Screenwriters: Rob Schneider and David Garrett & Jason Ward
Story by: Rob Schneider
Based on characters created by: Harris Goldberg and Rob Schneider
Producers: Jack Giarraputo, Adam Sandler and John Schneider
Executive producer: Glenn S. Gainor
Director of photography: Marc Felperlaan
Production designer: Benedict Schillemans
Editors: Peck Prior, Sandy Solowitz
Costume designer: Linda Bogers
Music: James L. Venable. Cast: Deuce Bigalow: Rob Schneider
T.J. Hicks: Eddie Griffin
Gaspar Voorsboch: Jeroen Krabbe
Heinz Hummer: Til Schweiger
Eva Voorsboch: Hanna Verboom
MPAA rating: R
Running time -- 77 minutes...
- 8/31/2005
- The Hollywood Reporter - Movie News
The second picture to debut in as many weeks featuring a star in multiple roles, "The Master of Disguise" makes a certain International Man of Mystery look like a towering creative genius by comparison.
An embarrassing mess for all involved, this so-called family comedy is about as unfunny as unfunny gets. Even its fart jokes are below the industry standard.
Through it all, Dana Carvey labors under mounds of makeup and the sadly mistaken impression that his multitude of characters will induce side-splitting convulsions with the slightest arch of an eyebrow.
Truth be told, even if it was a better film, it's unlikely that Carvey would have stood much of a chance taking on his old "Wayne's World" cohort Mike Meyers. And with the "Spy Kids" sequel arriving next week, this Revolution Films presentation looks to have a now-you-see-it-now-you-don't boxoffice future.
Clocking in at a still-punishing 70 minutes (not counting a bloated end credits sequence jammed with outtakes from elaborate scenes that are nowhere to be found in the main event), the story, credited to Carvey and Harris Goldberg, concerns the bumbling Pistachio Disguisey (Carvey), the latest and least promising in a long line of family masters of disguise.
When his mother (Edie McClurg) goes missing and his restaurateur father, Frabbrizio (James Brolin), is kidnapped by his old archenemy Devlin Bowman (a flatulent Brent Spiner), Pistachio -- schooled in the fine art of transformation by his grandfather, Grandpa Disguisey (Harold Gould), and accompanied by a lovely assistant (Jennifer Esposito) -- must spring into action.
For the duration, Carvey dons such knee-slapping get-ups as the bespectacled Turtle Man and an Indian snake charmer (with apologies to Peter Sellers) when not running around disguised as a pile of grass with a giant cow pie on his face or as a dripping mass of cherry pie filling.
But the pie guy's not the only thing about this sorry enterprise that's half-baked. Marking the directorial debut of production designer Perry Andelin Blake, who has worked on most of executive producer Adam Sandler's films, "Master of Disguise" looks like it was made for about $1.95 before a pair of editors attempted to hack it into something salvageable.
Given that Carvey has said he wanted to make a movie for his kids, the end result would likely constitute child abuse in a number of states.
THE MASTER OF DISGUISE
Columbia Pictures
Revolution Studios presents a Happy Madison production in association with Out of the Blue Entertainment
Credits: Director: Perry Andelin Blake; Screenwriters: Dana Carvey, Harris Goldberg; Producers: Sid Ganis, Alex Siskin, Barry Bernardi, Todd Garner; Executive producers: Adam Sandler, Jack Giarraputo; Director of photography: Peter Lyons Collister; Production designer: Alan Au; Editors: Peck Prior, Sandy Solowitz; Costume designer: Mona May; Special makeup effects: Kevin Yagher; Music: Marc Ellis; Music supervisor: Michael Dilbeck. Cast: Pistachio Disguisey: Dana Carvey; Devlin Bowman: Brent Spiner; Jennifer: Jennifer Esposito; Grandpa Disguisey: Harold Gould; Frabbrizio Disguisey: James Brolin; Sophia: Maria Canals.
MPAA rating PG, running time 80 minutes.
An embarrassing mess for all involved, this so-called family comedy is about as unfunny as unfunny gets. Even its fart jokes are below the industry standard.
Through it all, Dana Carvey labors under mounds of makeup and the sadly mistaken impression that his multitude of characters will induce side-splitting convulsions with the slightest arch of an eyebrow.
Truth be told, even if it was a better film, it's unlikely that Carvey would have stood much of a chance taking on his old "Wayne's World" cohort Mike Meyers. And with the "Spy Kids" sequel arriving next week, this Revolution Films presentation looks to have a now-you-see-it-now-you-don't boxoffice future.
Clocking in at a still-punishing 70 minutes (not counting a bloated end credits sequence jammed with outtakes from elaborate scenes that are nowhere to be found in the main event), the story, credited to Carvey and Harris Goldberg, concerns the bumbling Pistachio Disguisey (Carvey), the latest and least promising in a long line of family masters of disguise.
When his mother (Edie McClurg) goes missing and his restaurateur father, Frabbrizio (James Brolin), is kidnapped by his old archenemy Devlin Bowman (a flatulent Brent Spiner), Pistachio -- schooled in the fine art of transformation by his grandfather, Grandpa Disguisey (Harold Gould), and accompanied by a lovely assistant (Jennifer Esposito) -- must spring into action.
For the duration, Carvey dons such knee-slapping get-ups as the bespectacled Turtle Man and an Indian snake charmer (with apologies to Peter Sellers) when not running around disguised as a pile of grass with a giant cow pie on his face or as a dripping mass of cherry pie filling.
But the pie guy's not the only thing about this sorry enterprise that's half-baked. Marking the directorial debut of production designer Perry Andelin Blake, who has worked on most of executive producer Adam Sandler's films, "Master of Disguise" looks like it was made for about $1.95 before a pair of editors attempted to hack it into something salvageable.
Given that Carvey has said he wanted to make a movie for his kids, the end result would likely constitute child abuse in a number of states.
THE MASTER OF DISGUISE
Columbia Pictures
Revolution Studios presents a Happy Madison production in association with Out of the Blue Entertainment
Credits: Director: Perry Andelin Blake; Screenwriters: Dana Carvey, Harris Goldberg; Producers: Sid Ganis, Alex Siskin, Barry Bernardi, Todd Garner; Executive producers: Adam Sandler, Jack Giarraputo; Director of photography: Peter Lyons Collister; Production designer: Alan Au; Editors: Peck Prior, Sandy Solowitz; Costume designer: Mona May; Special makeup effects: Kevin Yagher; Music: Marc Ellis; Music supervisor: Michael Dilbeck. Cast: Pistachio Disguisey: Dana Carvey; Devlin Bowman: Brent Spiner; Jennifer: Jennifer Esposito; Grandpa Disguisey: Harold Gould; Frabbrizio Disguisey: James Brolin; Sophia: Maria Canals.
MPAA rating PG, running time 80 minutes.
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