- Son, my best advice is to find a girl with an embarrassing tattoo and marry her. She knows how to make bad decisions and stick with them.
- The only thing that would make this food better is if Nickelback broke up every time you ate it.
- Dance like no one's watching. Chew like everyone is.
- Mushrooms are the ribeye of the forest.
- Marriage is mostly about knowing which hand towels you can use and which ones are for the better people who visit your wife's home.
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