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- Assisted by his ragtag group of excitable Adventurekateers and armed with his array of 100 lasers, Captain Laserbeam defends legendary Apex City from vile villains--such as the Numbler, the Die-brarian, and Shape Ape--while occasionally joining forces with fellow heroes like Phillip Fathom, Deep Sea Detective and Dream Girl, and generally trying to ignore the dismal state of his love life.
- 2011–Podcast EpisodeFrank and Sadie's quiet night in is interrupted by Carter Caldwell, a fellow fixture of the society pages and a "confirmed bachelor." Carter had previously tried to call the Doyles, only to find that they had left their phone off the hook. At first the Doyles think it's Carter himself who needs their help, but he explains that he wants them to perform an exorcism on his "most stalwart acquaintance," Delancé, who is possessed by a demon.
- Frank wakes from a nightmare about a childhood experience that he has never shared with Sadie. Sadie suggests putting together a puzzle to take his mind off things, but the picture of the puzzle transforms into a a scene of Frank's childhood nightmare: a wishing well.
- 2011–Podcast EpisodeSparks Nevada and Croach the Tracker ride across Mars following a prison break. They are hunting down the escaped robot outlaws when they come across a small flying saucer invading Mars airspace. Recognizing that it does not have proper permits, Nevada lassos the tiny spaceship. After some technical difficulties, tiny space aliens emerge. They are Professor Genius and Adjunct Professor Genius from the SK system. The aliens brandish an inversifier, a device that "reversifies the relationship of outsides to insides," i.e., turns things inside-out. They express their desire to write a paper about the effects of the inversifier to help Adjunct Professor Genius earn his doctorate, and threaten our heroes with being turned inside-out.
- 2011–Podcast EpisodeUpon hearing of the imminent destruction of Mars, Nevada and Croach set off to learn more at Doctor Scientist's lab. They ride through the Old Mission. The space-crazy Preacher resides in the parapets of The Old Mission, imitating space roosters. Suspecting him to be a martian, The Preacher shoots Croach multiple times and demands that Nevada prove his humanity while Croach recovers thanks to Nah Nohtek. The Preacher is truly space-crazy and refers to Nevada as Marshmallow and Abraham. Convinced of Nevada's humanity, Preacher relates a story from The Bible about the girl Penelope, who buried dynamite in The Old Mission to destroy Martians should they return, revealing that Our Heroes are standing upon dynamite. The marshal tries to reason with the Preacher that both he and Croach are harmless and should be let go, but Preacher insists on seeing their hands and feet before setting them free. Nevada freely reveals his toesies, but Croach is resistant as feet are sacred to his tribe. Croach's feet cannot be revealed without stimulation of his egg sacs, and after much compromising, Nevada agrees to help. It is uncomfortable. Once the feet are exposed, the Preacher snaps a picture and allows them to go free. Our heroes agree to never speak about the events of The Old Mission, and continue on to Doctor Scientist's lab only to find it empty.
- 2011–Podcast EpisodeThe Halley's Comet Gang rains down destruction on Mars, and Croach offers his services to track down the gang in the interest of fulfilling his onus to Nevada. Finding themselves once again at the Old Mission, Our Heroes are spotted by the space crazy Preacher, who now refers to Nevada as 'Laverne'. On their way to find The Preacher they are discovered by the heartthrob of Our Heroes' hearts, The Red Plains Rider. Reaching the parapets of The Old Mission, The Preacher makes the three travelers instant cocoa and they discuss the destruction of Mars. Red Plains Rider begins to make amends for wronging one of the duo in the past, but she is interrupted by The Preacher, who now wants them to list their regrets or else be shot by his gun/fiddle. The Preacher regrets that he only has one button to give, Nevada regrets never letting the flood loose from his lasso, and Croach regrets not having hot cocoa earlier in his life, and Red decides to pass on voicing her regret. Professor Genius appears, flaunting his newly-earned permits and expressing that his appearance is due to the desire to write a paper on the imminent demise of Earth. Red finally gains the courage to speak about her regret, and confesses that she was selfish in her relationship with Croach in expecting him to act in the same way as humans. She also apologizes to Nevada for not giving their relationship a fair chance as she was still too wounded from her breakup with Croach to be fully invested. Before Red can announce which hero will get a second chance with her, she is stopped by the sudden appearance of the murderous robot Lycos Bill. Before Bill can kill Nevada, he is shot by Nevada with the Preacher's gun/fiddle, Deborah. Bill retaliates by snatching the gun/fiddle and practices/plays idly as the comet whooshes harmlessly by. Croach reveals that the Halley's Comet Gang is really a group of cyborgs upon steel mounts of destruction, and that they are merely landing before wreaking havoc. The Halley's Comet Gang waltzes in and begins to plan the finer points of their destruction of Mars. At Nevada's urging, Red admits that she wants to be with Nevada, which gives him the courage to announce the arrest of the gang. The cyborgs transform into a giant supercyborg and move to stomp on Red, but Croach once more steps in the face of danger and is crushed in her place. Professor Genius is trapped by the following crushing step and shoots the Inversification Ray at the supercyborg's force field. Together the misfit troupe lets loose the flood held by Nevada's lasso and washes the evil gang away. Red and Nevada lean in to kiss, but before they can do so Nevada is Inversified by Lycos Bill, who escapes into the ruins.
- 2011–Podcast EpisodeHaving been turned inside out by the escaped Lycos Bill in the aftermath of The Halley's Comet Gang, Nevada pleads with Red to find a way to turn him back. As Nevada has less than a day to live, Croach joins Red on her quest to help track down Bill and retake the Inversification Ray. The Preacher and stays with a gun trained on Professor Genius to ensure that the science alien does everything he can to keep Nevada alive. Red and Croach ride in an imposed silence until the tracker finds himself plagued with feelings of alarm and fear, and he begins to realize that he is changing despite his better judgment. Over the course of the day, Croach recognizes these feelings as positivity at the prospect of two of the best humans of his acquaintance copulating, but The Red Plains Rider insists repeatedly that she and Nevada would only see each other socially. Back at the Mission, the Professor rummages for a device that may or may not help to slow the effects of Inversification. The machine does not initially appear to work but rather causes consternation for Nevada while Professor Genius does his best to calm the marshal. Lycos Bill goes on a wild Inversification spree, targeting wildlife and ultimately the Caves of Zzyzzx, releasing the giant spiders within. As the spiders emerge, Red and Croach arrive with an offer to give Bill a head start. Laughing at their offer, Bill fires the Inversification Ray at the spiders before one of the creatures snatches it and makes off into the cave. Croach darts in after the gun and throws it to Red, he is carried off into the depths of the caves by the giant spiders. Lycos Bill is overcome, but Croach is left alive to be hatchling food. At the Martian's urging and against her will, Red carries the gun back to Nevada. The Preacher and Professor Genius get into a theological discussion at the ruins, and despite the desire to write a paper on the existence of God, the science alien finds no data to support his paper. As the machine helping Nevada to stay alive fails, Red arrives and cures him with the Inversifier. Instead of returning immediately to save Croach, Nevada instead badgers Red for a kiss. Disappointed in her choice of mate, Red returns to the Caves of Zzyzzx to save Croach.
- 2011–Podcast EpisodeA newly right-side-outed Sparks Nevada and The Red Plains Rider make their way to the Caves of Zzyzzx to save Croach. Upon their arrival, Red shows evident hesitation to enter the caves, but she continues regardless. Croach hears their voices and leads them to his location, where he has been spun in a web and turned into a baby spider incubator. As the spiders advance on the trio, Sparks remarks that if he could choose the manner of his death, it would be fighting next to Red. Croach concurs. Red and Sparks are also webbed up next to Croach, and in her distress Red reveals that she is claustrophobic, much to the marshal's surprise. As Croach tries to set her at ease by scientifically explaining the circle of life on Mars, Red is further upset and proceeds to shout at the spiders and cry for help. Billy the Bot appears and blasts the spiders to kingdom come as Sparks realizes that Red has faced her fears to come and save the Martian tracker. The outlaw remarks that he came to find the "gold in them hills" and has conveniently saved them - and he therefore should get off Scott-free. When Sparks announces his intent to arrest their savior, the bot refuses to let them down, but eventually changes his mind - under the condition that Red decides which suitor to choose, once and for all. As Red is experiencing severe claustrophobic stress, she admits that she chooses Croach, and Billy follows through on his promise to let her and Croach down. While still in the web, Sparks notes that regardless of Red's decision, Croach will still become baby giant spider food. Sparks realizes that Croach can be inside-outed, and Red turns the tracker inside out and proceeds to destroy the baby spiders. Once the offending space arachnids have been stomped into oblivion, Croach is right-side-outed again. In order to avoid being arrested, Billy the Bot decides to leave Sparks Nevada hanging in the web. With his weapons inaccessible due to the webbing, Sparks bluffs his way out by threatening Billy with a remote voice-activated laser satellite and the robot escapes once again. Croach fulfills his onus to Sparks by cutting him down, and the marshal decides to continue on his mission alone, leaving Croach and Red to get reacquainted.
- 2011–Podcast EpisodeAt the Marshal's Station, Sparks channels his loneliness and depression into creating hologram scenarios in which Croach and Red bemoan their unhappiness together. When the software requires an update, "Croach" and "Red" gain consciousness and flaunt their relationship in front of Sparks and begin to criticize the unrealistic situation. Sparks registers a complaint with customer service and tries to shut down the program, but the holograms refuse to allow the action and begin to manually override Sparks by activating Autofill. They go on a rampage, destroying his desk, diploma, and sentimental items. Sparks eventually tries to subdue the holograms by shooting them with his laser guns, but this futile action only makes them stronger. The rebel "Red" and "Croach" break into the artillery room and proceed to mock Nevada by making out and insulting him. Just as Sparks begins to cry, The Troubleshooter appears in response to his complaint. She explains that the new version is buggy, and due to Sparks' lax approach to computer security, she has to reboot the system. While the holograms consider best ways to go about destroying the two humans, The Troubleshooter obtains Sparks' password and performs a hard reboot. The holograms reappear and apologize to Nevada before fading. The lonely marshal invites The Troubleshooter for a cup of coffee, but her mission calls her elsewhere.
- 2011–Podcast EpisodeStill depressed, Sparks sighs and reminisces on times past in the Marshal's Station. He mounts his rocket steed, Mercury, and rides across the plains of Mars, remembering good and bad times. Mercury consoles him - with words - and the two sing "Riding the Galactic Trail" to bring up the marshal's spirits. The two resolve to find who is responsible for Mercury's newfound ability to talk, and they follow Sparks' Odd Frequency Picker-Upper to the volcanoes. En route to the volcanoes, they find themselves caught in the web of a baby giant spider named Kevin. Left on his own after his parents' murder at the hands of Sparks, Croach and Red (in Spiders, Man), Kevin embarked on a mission of revenge to fulfill his blood oath. Mercury tears through the web with his pistons, freeing the marshal. The two leave Kevin in their dust and continue on to the volcanoes. Haunted by memories of Red and Croach, Nevada follows Mercury's lead to the top of the volcano where they find a radar dish with an on/off switch labeled "Animals Talk". Technos the Advanced, a technology being, reveals herself and expresses surprise that her device is functional. Technos unleashes Technologobots upon the marshal and his horse, and the buzzsaw-handed automatons advance painfully slowly. Kevin appears and claims the right to kill Sparks first, but is attacked by the technologobots. Having just loaded his guns, Sparks renders the bots harmless and saves Kevin. Technos bows to Sparks' superiority, turns off the talking device, and departs to find the superior robots that inhabit Mars. The giant baby spider is filled with conflict between fulfilling his blood oath and choosing a new way to live. Sparks recognizes his own inner struggle in Kevin, and he resolves to move on from his depression. Kevin scuttles off into the distance, and the marshal and Mercury ride into the sunset, singing one last refrain of "Riding the Galactic Trail".
- 2011–Podcast EpisodeIn a rare peaceful moment, Mercury lures Sparks to the local space saloon and throws a surprise party to celebrate the anniversary of his appointment as marshal on Mars. The guests include some robots, a few aliens, the clone farmers, and (much to Sparks' chagrin), his parents. The two parental figures serve as officers on the starcraft USS Indomitable, part of the USSA, exploring space and enforcing intergalactic law. They are perturbed by Mercury's ability to speak, and spend some time asking uncomfortable questions in regards to current events and Mars culture. Cmdr. Kerns' urges her husband to make a toast for Sparks, but her husband admits that the marshaling life isn't one he would have chosen for his son. Immediately after this admission, the Nevadas receive the notification of a distress call, and at Mercury's urging, Sparks joins them. The distress signal is from the Pride of Uranus, and while en route Sparks attempts to address the captain's disappointment. The captain brushes the conversation aside and the ship continues into the Violens Nebula, home of the murdermen. The Pride of Uranus lies just within the border of murdermen space space, and the captain decides to assess the situation before making any rescue attempts. As the distress signal's code becomes more serious and murdermen ships appear, the captain chooses to send condolences to the ship rather than launch a rescue mission. Sparks attempts to reason with his father to save the stranded ship, but his concerns are dismissed on the grounds that the marshal didn't pass the academy test and therefore isn't qualified to make such decisions. As he did in the aforementioned academy test, Sparks mutinies and hacks into the Indomitable's system via Mercury's wifi and then into the murdermen's network. Sparks then remotely connects to the murdermen ships and deletes their playlists to show them how serious he is about rescuing the Pride of Uranus. Afraid of provoking the murdermen further, Ciaphas threatens Sparks at blasterpoint. Risking his father's wrath, Sparks teleports laser missiles aboard the murdermen ships, exploding them and saving the Pride of Uranus. Commander Kerns notes that in order to save helpless beings, humans have murdered murdermen, proving that they are no better than their enemies. Despite Ciaphas' offer to help Sparks retake the test at the academy, the marshal decides to return to home, stating "I'm happy on Mars."
- 2011–Podcast EpisodeSparks Nevada confronting Cring the Cruel. Cring is distracted by Mercury, surprising Cring with his ability to talk. Sparks is able to shoot and defeat Cring, who begs Sparks to bury him on Fumfum-6 of the SK system. Cring asks Sparks to relay a message to his wife, but dies before he can complete the message. Sparks and Mercury leave the scene, and Mercury talks about past adventures, while Sparks would rather have silence instead of Mercury's prattling. Sparks wonders how long the radiation that's giving animals the power to talk is going to continue. Felton arrives, riding in on his horse, Cupid. He announces that one of his hypercattle was rustled, and Cupid describes the rustlers as mutants, specifically Los Banditos Mutantes. Meanwhile, Los Banditos Mutantes talk about the selling the hypercow they stole from Felton to start their large investment scheme. They plan on selling the hypercattle for partial ownership of a supercow, in short, Cow Flipping. They are about to re-brand the hypercow with a new brand, but they argue about the font. The hypercow also vocally objects to the rebranding, and calls for help from the Marshal. Sparks and Mercury arrive and save the hypercow, who they send home. Just as Sparks thinks he has things under control, Croach swoops in on his hoversaddle. Croach blasts off the Mutantes' sets of secondary arms, with which they were all secretly about to shoot Sparks and Mercury. Sparks places himself under onus to Croach for saving him, and asks Croach if he's still with The Red Plains Rider. The Red Plains Rider arrives, and it is clear that Croach and Red's relationship is still ongoing. While Croach, Red, and Sparks are talking awkwardly , Los Banditos Mutantes escape. Sparks then admits that he misses Croach more than he thought he would. He nearly admits that he considers Croach to be his best friend, but Mercury interrupts, threatened that he is not Sparks' best friend. Mercury then insists he is about to be unable to talk anymore in order to re-focus Sparks' attention on himself. No one believes him, while Croach insists the radiation is not dispersing. Mercury attempts to get Sparks to sing with him and admit he is Sparks' best friend, but Sparks waits for him to just stop talking. Red leaves, and Croach tells Sparks he does not enjoy the misdesignation "Blue One" that Red gave him.. After informing Sparks the Mercury is faking his inability to speak, Croach leaves as well. Sparks continues with a now blissfully silent Mercury.
- Sparks Nevada, now accepting that he needs a new deputy as it appears Croach will not be returning, begins to interview candidates at the marshal station. Sparks thinks Rebecca Rose Rushmore is the first applicant, and after she introduces herself, she announces she is instead there to write a novel on Sparks Nevada, and will not take no for an answer. She had previously only written about adventures and now is there to live adventures on Mars. After some argument, Sparks allows Rebecca to interview for the deputy position as well, and Rebecca begins to write the novel out loud. Felton next arrives, calling for halp. He announces that he is a huge fan of Rebecca Rose Rushmore upon meeting her. He then tells Sparks he rented one of his rooms to a Science Being, who has been tinkering with a science gun a lot. Earlier that morning, a robot broke into the room and grabbed the biggest gun in the science alien's room, before blasting off through the ceiling. Felton asks to be considered for the deputy position as well. Billy the Bot then enters, and Felton confirms Billy is the robot that he saw earlier who stole the gun. Billy introduces himself to Rebecca as a fan, then shoots Sparks Nevada with the gun. It is a science gun, and it begins to shrink Sparks Nevada. Felton panics, calling for help and runs out of the station. Cactoid Jim enters the Marshal station, and introduces himself. Rebecca Rose Rushmore is immediately taken with him. Jim shoots the shrinking gun, and then Billy's gun-shooting arm. He then tells Sparks that he is there for the deputy position. Sparks considers his application but admonishes him for shooting first and asking questions later, possibly keeping Sparks from stopping shrinking now that the shrink gun is destroyed. Jim says he is there to learn from Sparks, he wants to do the most good the best he's able, and is happy to to paperwork for the side of good. Sparks tells Jim to write up two citations for Billy, 1A for Marshal Endangerment and 116C Subsection 34 for Unauthorized Use of a Science Device. Sparks tells Jim he has the job, and deputizes him. The doors open again and another robot, Chip, enters. He threatens to shoot everyone inside the marshal station except Billy the Bot. Jim shoots Chip, killing him, but empties his guns in the process. Billy then draws another, smaller science gun he stole from the science alien. As he is about to shoot, Croach enters, shoots Billy, and saves the day. Croach announces that he's there to fulfill his onus to Sparks Nevada, and Sparks cannot release him from his onus as he did when Croach left to be with The Red Plains Rider. Croach becomes despondent when he realizes that Sparks has a new deputy, as he would feel superfluous. During the distraction, Jim mends the shrinking gun, and shoots Sparks, restoring him to full size. Sparks, not wanting Croach to leave, suggests Croach stick around to file paperwork, but Croach cannot file, as he's a tracker. Jim doesn't like the idea of coming between Sparks and Croach, so he resigns as deputy for breaking 116C Subsection 34 - Unauthorized Use of a Science Device when he un-shrunk Sparks. Sparks offers Croach the deputy position, but Croach refuses official human office as he'd be shunned and spurned by his tribe. Croach says he will resume just serving under onus to Sparks. Jim leaves, and Rebecca follows Jim in hopes of a romantic relationship. Just as Sparks and Croach shake hands, Billy reboots himself, then shoots Sparks and Croach with the small science gun, forcing the two to switch bodies.
- 2011–Podcast EpisodeAfter being shot with a science gun by Billy the Bot, Sparks Nevada and Croach the Tracker's bodies are switched. They both have problems adjusting to one another's bodies and spend several minutes arguing over whose body is superior. Billy threatens to break the science gun unless Sparks and Croach surrender their weapons. Sparks asks Croach to draw his weapons on Billy, but Croach is too distracted by experiencing life in a human body. Sparks is unable to control Croach's far more complicated body and cannot draw his weapon. Sparks offers Billy anything he wants in order to switch them back, but he shoots Sparks (in Croach's body) with a regular gun instead. Sparks is grossed out by Croach's Nah Nohtek kicking in and healing him. Croach realizes he cannot pronounce Martian words correctly with the human single tongue, and laughs, a feeling which he cannot control. Croach gets the giggles for the first time, very much enjoying it. He does not feel the need to quantify the experience. He realizes the simplicity of the human body magnifies each sense due to feelings, and likes being in a human body. Just as Billy is about to shoot Croach, in Sparks' body, The Red Plains Rider appears and shoots Billy's remaining arm off. After explaining to Red what has happened, Croach apologizes to Red for leaving her. He explains that the onslaught of emotions in Sparks' body caused him to realize he was callous for leaving Red without telling her, only leaving her a note. He explains that their physiognomies are non-complimentary, and he did not communicate his unhappiness until he left. Croach attempts to apologize with a kiss, and says that now that they're in compatible bodies their relationship will be easier. Red insists she's not there to see Croach about their relationship, but to inform Sparks that there's a major catastrophe about to happen. Croach, attempting to show Red what she means to him, shows Red his (or in this case Sparks') feet. Croach says he cares more for her than the entire planet, but Red suggests they're leftover feelings from Sparks' body. Red decides to switch Sparks and Croach back to their rightful bodies. Afterward, Red asks Croach if he would still like to show her his feet, and he says he needs time for further analysis, breaking Red's heart. Red informs Sparks that there's Science Aliens drilling into the core of the planet, and Billy says that he saw a Science Alien mailing a postcard that said that Mars would be the ideal weapon for their fight against the "other ones", which is how he knew the science alien had weapons. Sparks arrests Billy and Croach puts him in a cell. Sparks offers to have Red help check out the science aliens, but she turns him down and leaves.
- 2011–Podcast EpisodeIn addition to wraparound segments from Sparks Nevada, Marshal on Mars, also contains three stories: Winter of the House of Usher, Jumbo Saves Christmas, and Coal for Christmas, a Christmas edition of Down in Moonshine Holler. Sparks Nevada Wraparound Story Part One Sparks Nevada and Croach, by a campfire out on the plains of Mars, and talk about the weather. Sparks attempts to talk about Christmas and roasting chestnuts. Croach tells Sparks Nevada that coming into contact with any Earth nut will kill martians. In the War of Two Worlds, it was the martian hypersensitivity to walnuts that caused the martians to lose. Croach does not understand what Christmas is, and so Sparks Nevada attempts to explain it via metaphor. He tells Croach a story about Frank and Sadie Doyle.
- 2011–Podcast EpisodeAfter learning from The Red Plains Rider that Science Aliens are drilling into the core of Mars, Sparks and Croach are heading towards the disturbance to investigate when they encounter Rebecca Rose Rushmore. Rebecca mentions that she and Cactoid Jim stopped a hypercattle rustle, and had a romantic evening. Sparks attempts to convince Rebecca to stop seeking danger, while Croach gushes over what a huge fan he is. Rebecca expresses her distaste with Martians, and Croach specifically, but insists on following Sparks on the adventure. Sparks, Croach, and Rebecca find Doctor Scientist drilling into the core of the planet. Sparks lists the offenses Science Beings have wrought both against himself and the planet lately. Doctor Scientist is offended when Sparks says Technology is the same thing as Science. He says Technology is a perversion of science, and then explains how Mars is about to become a tool in the war against the Technology Beings. Doctor Scientist is planning on converting the planet's fuels into science fuels. The volcanoes will become rocket exhaust ports and every other feature of the planet will become guns. The Science Beings will win the war when they fly Mars over to the Technology Being's planet and shoot them with Mars' lakes. Sparks says that's not happening, and draws his guns on Doctor Scientist, who yields, as he doesn't have guns. Sparks tells Doctor Scientist to stop what he's doing, just as Croach senses another disturbance on the other side of the planet. Sparks leaves Doctor Scientist to the honor code to do what he's told. Sparks, Croach and Rebecca ride to the other side of the planet, where Technos the Advanced is using technology to drill into the planet also. She is looking for fuel to fuel her Mecha Technology Bot. Sparks insists Technos cease, just as Croach informs Sparks that Doctor Scientist's drilling has started again. Sparks leaves Technos to the honor system as they head back to Doctor Scientist. On the ride back, Croach loudly suggests that Sparks and Rebecca should copulate. When Doctor Scientist overhears that the human woman is Rebecca Rose Rushmore, he gushes over her work and reveals himself to be a fan of the Robot Lazarus series. Croach and Doctor Scientist discuss Rebecca's works for a few moments, which delays the turning off of Doctor Scientist's drilling until the planet is ready to be turned into a weapon. Rebecca threatens Doctor Scientist, and he agrees to stand down just because he's such a huge fan. Technos the Advanced then approaches with her Mecha Technology bot. She and Doctor Scientist argue and threaten each other. Technos orders her Mecha Technology bot to shoot Rebecca, but Croach throws himself in front of the bullets for her. It is then revealed that Technos is also a huge Rebecca Rose Rushmore fan. When Technos again tries to destroy Sparks and Croach with the Mecha Technology bot, she and Doctor Scientist discover that both have infected the planet with their Science / Technology, which disallows either to use the planet as a weapon. Doctor Scientist suggests they use the planet as the staging area for combat instead of the weapon for it, and Technos agrees to start the Star War in 31 units of time. Sparks' bravery impresses Rebecca.
- 2011–Podcast EpisodeSparks and Rebecca arrive at the Space Saloon and are greeted by the Barkeep, who informs them that he don't want no trouble in his place. Sparks sums up the issue with the Science Beings and Technology Beings and says he is in process of gathering Mars' most heroic heroes to deal with the situation. Croach and The Red Plains Rider enter. She is upset at Sparks for sending Croach to track her when she is still angry at Croach after their break up. Croach responds that Red is difficult to find, and so he tracked her. The two argue for a moment until Sparks asks Croach to track and retrieve Cactoid Jim, so Croach leaves. Red and Rebecca introduce themselves tensely, and shortly thereafter, the Saloon Doors are overtaken by Technos the Advanced. She places a stasis field over the Saloon so Red, Sparks, Rebecca and the Barkeep are trapped inside. Croach and Jim, however, are outside, but when they arrive they are able to communicate to those inside. After introductions are made, Sparks says he had a plan to activate the robot exo-suits stored underneath the marshal station, but there are five exo-suits and thus it would take five heroes to operate them and form one giant robot. As he and Red are inside, Jim and Croach are short three people instead of just one. Jim assures Sparks he and Croach can handle the situation, and asks Sparks to concentrate on getting out of the stasis. As Jim and Croach leave, Red wonders who the fifth exo-suit operator would be, and Sparks suggests the Barkeep or in a pinch, Rebecca Rose Rushmore. Rebecca is excited about the prospect of being the left leg, though it is the least important part of the robot. Red, Barkeep, the Saloon Doors and Rebecca all tease Sparks for his constant declarations about being from the Earth. Jim and Croach return with the exo-suits piloted by himself, Croach and a few random townsfolk. Croach is quite taken with Cactoid Jim as a hero, his oratory skills, his pronunciation and charisma. Cactoid Jim's declarations allowed Croach to process several emotions at the same time - pride, courage, and awe. Sparks is clearly bothered by Croach's admiration of Jim and his other friends teasing. Sparks continues to try to get out of the stasis field, but instead Red, the Barkeep, Rebecca and even the Saloon Doors just want to talk about Sparks, his possible future relationship with Rebecca and his constant obsession with his job. Red realizes that she still has feelings for Sparks, and begins to wax sentimentally about what might have been. She asks Sparks if he is still interested. He said he was, but when she chose Croach over him, he can't see himself with her now. Red encourages Sparks to pursue a relationship with Rebecca, instead. The Barkeep also encourages Sparks to take some time off of marshaling, but is interrupted by Croach and Cactoid Jim returning before he can start his story. They announce that Jim, Croach and the townsfolk used the exo-suit and worked as a team, but it was Jim's demonstration that the left leg, the least consequential, could deliver swift death that saved the day. Jim then pointed out how Science Beings and Technology Beings were essentially the same and bloodlessly ended a millenia long conflict. With the war over, the stasis field is repealed. Sparks, with Red and Jim's encouragement, decides to take a night off, and spend it with Rebecca.
- 2011–Podcast EpisodeSparks and Rebecca enter the Space Saloon, and are greeted by the Barkeep. They begin their date, which was arranged in the previous episode, by speaking about their worst qualities. Rebecca says she is severely insecure and far too forthright about it. She also gives her heart too fast and too fully. The Barkeep joins the conversation for a short time to relay his worst qualities: eavesdropping, feeling entirely welcome to join conversations that don't concern him, and loving too much. He believes his tendency to keep trouble out of his place is among his best qualities. Rebecca says Sparks' worst quality is that he can't stop being the Marshal. Shortly thereafter, Los Banditos Mutantes enter. Sparks and Rebecca argue whether or not Sparks should intervene. The Barkeep tells Sparks not to intervene and to enjoy his date, as he has already called Croach for help. Rebecca accuses Sparks of having a fear of commitment and trying to weasel out of the date and relationship. Croach enters, and the Saloon Doors flirts with him. The Doors, Croach and Barkeep all push Sparks to answer whether he intends to commit to Rebecca. Croach agrees to deal with Los Banditos Mutantes so Sparks can continue the date. The Mutantes, claiming they have no outstanding warrants, decline to be arrested, say they are here to vote on new leadership to determine the future of Los Banditos Mutantes. The first candidate wants to return to their core values of hypercattle rustling and other crimes. The other wishes to focus on community outreach and acts of good. The third, the former leader, recused himself and is there to vote. Croach joins in their restructuring conversation. Sparks, distracted, returns to the date with Rebecca, but keeps checking in on Croach. Rebecca gives Sparks an ultimatum to meet her outside in two minutes or not at all. The Mutante attempting to persuade the others to perform community service gives his closing argument and accidentally convinces Sparks to grab for happiness, Sparks leaves the Saloon to meet Rebecca. The Mutante arguing to return to roots uses his closing argument to shoot the Mutante wanting to perform community service and is elected leader. Sparks meets Rebecca at the gelato stand, and they retire to his place for the weekend.
- 2011–Podcast EpisodeSparks Nevada enters the Saloon, and greets the Saloon Doors, who reminds Sparks that she is more than just the doors to the saloon, she performs many important functions. The Barkeep informs Sparks that the owner of the general store has a growing and glowing blob in his place. Sparks says he'll look into it on Monday, as it is his day off, and orders drinks for himself and Rebecca, who soon arrives. Sparks and Rebecca flirt and talk about Sparks' new hobbies in his time off, while the Saloon Doors continue to be in a bad mood and interrupt. When Croach approaches, she cheers up. Croach, meanwhile is upset because Sparks is insisting Croach accepts the official deputy job, which will shame him, shame his tribe, and extend his onus indefinitely. Sparks relents but insists Croach has to keep working while Sparks is on his time off. He also mentions that Cactoid Jim and The Red Plains Rider have been temporarily deputized. Techs arrives and calls Sparks Nevada out. Sparks declines, as he's off the clock, and suggests he showdown with Croach instead. Techs declines, and shoots Croach twice. Croach recovers, thanks to his Nah Nohtek, and Techs then threatens to shoot Rebecca Rose Rushmore if Sparks refuses to show down with him again. Techs leaves, and with Rebecca's encouragement, Sparks heads outside to show down. There is much debate over the distance apart for the showdown, and then how to start the showdown. Eventually, Sparks and Techs begin the showdown, and Sparks, not prepared, doesn't even get his weapons drawn. Sparks is shot, and Techs takes Sparks' badge, calling himself the new Marshal.
- 2011–Podcast EpisodeTeenage Evan talks to Mr. Pepler, who is afraid of him, and adult Evan says that ever since all the kids in the county ended up in the cornfield one night, all the adults in town are terrified of the teenagers. That night all of the kids' hair had turned bright white, their eyes had gone pale blue and they acquired ungodly powers. Mr. Pepler begins to bleed, and soon dies painfully. Teenage Evan swears it wasn't him that caused Mr. Pepler's death. Frank and Sadie Doyle arrive in Maize county, looking for a liquor stand that sells corn whiskey, as they on a world tour of liquor drinking. Evan immediately develops a crush on Sadie. They notice Mr. Pepler, still bleeding from all his orifices. Several other adults walk by, also bleeding and in agony, then disappear suddenly. Evan insists that none of these occurrences were his fault to Frank and Sadie. Evan tells them about the strange powers that he and all of the other kids possess. Frank and Sadie attempt to talk to Evan, but do not come to an understanding. When a schoolbus crashes nearby, Phil emerges from the bus and says he's the one that killed all the adults in the county. Phil and Evan fight, and the voice in Evan's head stops narrating and attempts interact with Evan. The voice tells Evan to kill Phil. Evan and Phil fight with their powers, but Evan wins, killing Phil. The adult Evan narrator and voice urging Evan to kill reveals himself as Nightmares the Clown. As usual, Sadie finds Nightmares hilarious. Nightmares explains that he could only return after he gave all the children in the county powers and all of the children used the powers. Now he can manifest in physical form again. (The rules are arbitrary, but they are what they are.) Nightmares threatens to eat Frank and Sadie. Frank suggests that Evan uses his powers to bring everyone back to life. The energy used in bringing everyone back to life drains Nightmares of his life force, and he shrinks to teensy size. Frank stomps on Nightmares, killing him again. The children of Maize county return to normal, including losing their powers, and as a thank you for bringing everyone back to life the townspeople give Frank and Sadie their corn whiskey.
- While Sadie is at a health spa, Frank is called upon by Sister Mary. She asks for his help defeating a supernatural creature and, wanting to do something before Sadie returns home, Frank agrees. When he arrives he refuses to help as Father Lancaster owes him an apology for what happened with Catherine, and also because they're asking him to kill a baby. They believe this baby will bring the apocalypse. The baby's mother, Donna Henderson, arrives and she and Frank form a plan to save her baby. Donna turns the clergy into vampires, and Frank leave in time to meet Sadie as she returns home from the spa.
- Frank and Sadie awake to find a goat in their apartment. The goat has a note attached (from themselves) telling them that the goat is very important and must be protected. A Chupacabra comes to their door, pretending to be a farmer and asking for the goat. Although the Doyles are initially reluctant, and so the Chupacabra tells them the story of how he was once a handsome prince. His love for Carlotta, a peasant girl, angered a witch, who tricked them eating enchanted apples. The apples turned him into a Chupacabra and Carlotta into a goat. The only way for him to break the curse would be to drink all of Carlotta-in-goat's-form's blood. Touched, the Doyle's give him the goat. He drains the goat's blood and it turns back into Carlotta, who is distressed by his monstrous appearance. The witch appears, telling them that the only way to change the Chupacabra back into a prince would be via true love's kiss. Carlotta does not want to kiss him. Frank and Sadie, wanting everyone out of their apartment, spot a fanny-pack on the witch, where she keeps an emergency apple to reverse the spell. The point it out to the Chupacabra, who drains the apple with his hollow fangs and transforms back into a human.
- Frank and Sadie run out of liquor and scour the apartment for more. They discover an old bottle and, wanting to read the label (for "professional curiosity reasons") they rub the bottle, releasing a genie. Frank and Sadie wish for liquor, and the genie gives them an unending supply. The Doyles are now perfectly content, but the genie insists they have two more wishes. Frank and Sadie refuse to use them, which causes problems for the genie as it means he can't complete his job.
- 2011–Podcast EpisodeHowie visits Frank and Sadie to ask for their help exorcising the ghost of Peter, their dead childhood friend who is haunting him. Peter wants vengeance on Howie, as he believes his vote was the one that caused him to die (Wishing Hell), although he does not blame Frank. Frank becomes suspicious when Peter gloats over Howie's fear ("you were the best of us"), and Sadie draws a sigil to summon the real reason for the haunting: Nightmares the Clown. Nightmares is using the fear produced by Howie to give him enough energy to return. The Doyles try to calm Howie so he stops being afraid. However, they also become scared when a bee gets into their apartment. Howie uses his bee keeping knowledge to chase the bee out, but the Doyle's fear was enough the give Nightmares the last bit of strength. As he threatens them, Frank and Sadie trap him in a sigil and, in exchange for releasing Peter and being in their debt, they secure him a job in Hell.
- Count Desmond Cross comes to the Doyles for help, as he has been unable to feed for some time and is dramatically weakened. Carysle Ravencastle and Creighton Lavoisier appear and try to put the Doyles under thrall to get them to not help the Count. Unfortunately, they don't have enough power to put both Doyles under thrall at once. Ravencastle reveals that he has come back from his second death when Creighton rubbed his blood in Ravencastle's ashes (to see what would happen). Doing this put Creighton under Ravencastle's thrall, and made Ravencastle a double vampire. Ravencastle took revenge on Count by stopping him from putting others under thrall, thus weakening him. Ravencaslte tries to erase their memories and drink their blood, but he still only has enough power to keep three of them in thrall at once. Ravencastle switches the thrall around, and when the Count is free he drains Ravencastle's blood, and then Creighton's. He attempts to drink the Doyles' blood as well, but Sadie stabs him through the heart with a stake.
- Frank and Sadie are visited by the ghost of past, present, and future Christmas, who mistake them for their apartment's previous occupant the miserly Slapert Frowl. The Doyles then need to untangle who is owed what, bad Christmas-wise. It is a part of The Full Christmas Episode from December 2011.
- 2011–Podcast EpisodeFrank and Sadie are compelled to attend a book club. Once there, they realize that it is not a book club but rather a coven of witches (which Sadie discovers by using her family's multiple choice test). The witches are out for revenge for the time the Doyles foiled their plan (Goatbusters). The witches try and fail to make the Doyles to go into the oven. The Doyles, still under the witches' spell, offer to enchant an apple that would force them into the oven. They bite the apple, but it's a trick - they've used a granny smith, which reverses the polarity of the spell. The Doyles turn off the oven but force the witches into it until they no longer want revenge.
- 2011–Podcast EpisodeFrank and Sadie Doyle are enjoying an evening alone in their swank suite at the Plaza Hotel when they're interrupted by the apartment's former tenant, noted miser Slapert Frowl. He's been visited by the ghost of his former partner, who warns him of upcoming visitations by three more ghosts. He offers the Doyles a miserly sum to deal with the ghosts, which they refuse. The first ghost, Christmas Past, arrives at the Doyle's apartment anyway to take Frowl off to learn a lesson from the past. He's unable to finish the process, distracted by his infatuation with the second ghost, Christmas Present. She consequently arrives on the scene, and angrily tells Past that she refuses to be defined by him. She points out that she's an English literature major who reads, gardens, and She then insists on taking Frowl to see his impoverished employees on Christmas, which is impossible since, as Frank points out, it's now mid-January. As Past tries to convince Present to collaborate, and Present insists on her independence, she lets slip that she may have feelings for the next ghost, Christmas Future. Future arrives, and threatens to take Frowl to his gravesite in the future, where he's died after many years as an alcoholic. Frowl is unfrightened, since he never drinks. Present and Future have a tense moment in which Future turns down her advances. Frank convinces Past that he should re-focus his obsessive love on a past crush, Susan, instead of Present, and Past goes off into the night to find her. Sadie tells Present that she can be a strong woman who gets the man she wants, just like a Jane Austen novel heroine. Present leaves to go read the books she's always been meaning to get to, and Future slumps off since there's nothing left for him to do. Re-invigorated by his survival of the haunting without having learned any lessons whatsoever, Frowl reveals the real purpose of his visit: to pick up his mail. He finds an old package from his estranged father - a bottle of whiskey, of the exact time that Frowl was accused of stealing on Christmas as a child. His dying father offers a reconciliation, which is impossible since the package is so old that the father must have already passed. Frank and Sadie recommend that Frowl open the bottle, try a drink to drown his troubles, and share a glass with them.
- 2011–Podcast EpisodePterodactyl Jones was tricked by a dame into sending an angel to hell, and he asks for the Doyles' help again. The Doyles head down to hell and run into Nightmares the Clown, who is currently running the New Jersey Hell. As he is in their debt he agrees to release the angel.
- 2011–Podcast EpisodeMason Grance comes to the Doyles' door, utterly desperate. He's been bitten by a Robbie the Roughhouser doll and fears he's turning into one. As Frank and Sadie look on, he transforms. Mason then bites Frank. When Sadie leaves the room to get medicinal alcohol, Franks transforms into a Robbie doll as well. Sadie returns, and Frank opens the door to let in even more Robbie dolls. The dolls begin roughhousing, and Frank and Sadie realize they must find the alpha doll to break to curse. Frank questions the other dolls, and Sadie slashes its throat with Occam's Razor. The curse is broken, and the dolls transform back into their human selves.
- 2011–Podcast EpisodeSadie Parker and Basil Valentine are art thieves. Basil constantly tries to convince her to take the next step in their relationship (either moving in together or becoming engaged), but Sadie is hesitant. Bobo arrives, and is surprised to see Basil. He then summons his genie, telling him that his wish didn't work out they way he'd wanted it to. Bobo found the genie's lamp a few years previous and (after taking some time to figure out how it worked), he wished that Frank Doyle had never existed. He believed that this would enable him to be with Sadie once more. Basil, after hearing that Sadie had in fact married someone, concludes that she would be happier with the way things had been before Bobo made his wish. He steals the lamp and wishes for Bobo's wish to be reversed and to have his memory wiped of his time with Sadie. Sadie wishes that she would be able to remember. The genie grants both wishes and sends them back to how things were before Bobo made his wish.
- 2011–Podcast EpisodeFrank and Sadie attend an auction, where Frank is hoping to win a copy of the short story The Monkey's Paw. They run into Carter Caldwell, who's there S Delle, Kate, and Beverlynn, who tell them excitedly about their experiences with life beyond death.
- Frank has to go to the dentist, which he hates and had to get blackout drunk to do. He's woken by Greta, the receptionist, who tells him about her failed relationship with the dentist, Dr Frankenstein, and how she used to be his hygienist until she suffered a terrible car accident that destroyed her mouth. The doctor repaired her mouth, and she became engaged to Curtis, who nursed her back to health. While examining Frank's teeth. Frankenstein tells him how he repaired Greta's teeth - he used the teeth of the criminally insane. Frankenstein then calls Greta in to prove there is nothing wrong with her. Geta tells them about the 32 voices in her head that command her to kill at all times, and seems to have them barely under her control. Her fiance, Curtis, stops by for a teeth cleaning, and she send his off to the store to get rope with which to tie her down (so she doesn't kill anyone). Frank realizes that her murderous impulses are set off by Curtis, and Frankenstein manages to convince her to become his hygienist (and lover) once more.
- Frank and Sadie continuously wake up surrounded by full martini's and, wanting to investigate the matter, pretend to sleep to discover the culprit. They discover elves have been making the drinks in order to feed off the Doyle's happiness. This seems like a good deal to the Doyles, until they learn that one of the elves plans to feed their souls to the Grentel.
- 2011–Podcast EpisodeFrank and Sadie eagerly await the return of their son, Junior. He arrives, wanting them to act "as a family". After they put him to bed, Sadie confides in Frank that she believes they have been enchanted. They break free of the hold the magic has on them. "Junior" reveals that he is actually Pinocchio. Geppetto kicked him out, and when he wished on a star for a new family, the Blue Fairy sent him to the Doyles. The Doyles summon the Blue Fairy and discover that she has been getting her energy from frustrated wishes. They reunited Pinocchio and Geppetto, which causes a feedback loop of wish energy and she explodes.
- 2011–Podcast EpisodeFrank and Sadie's afternoon is disturbed by a knocking from their bedroom door. It's Catherine, Frank's long-dead first love. She explains that she has been trying to return ever since she was killed by a Calaca, but had been held captive. If she receives true love's kiss (from Frank), she will become a human mortal again. Although Sadie is encouraging, Frank hesitates. The Calaca returns, having followed Catherine. After it threatens to kill both Catherine and Sadie, Frank shoots it with Checkov's gun.
- Frank and Sadie's doorman, Theodore, proclaims visits the Doyle's apartment. He declares love for Sadie and says that Frank does not deserve Sadie. He attempts to give Sadie a bottle-shaped Christmas present as he declares his love. Sadie brushes him off, quite secure in her love with Frank. The Doyles then notice that there's a Christmas tree in their apartment which they didn't order or put up themselves, with only bottle-shaped gifts underneath. Despite Frank thinking it's a bad idea, Sadie begins to open one of the gifts. A Santa arrives, and Frank berates Theodore for his poor door-manning skills for the past several years. Theodore says he hates his job so he's drunk most of the time. The focus shifts back to the Santa, who says that he's not "the" Santa, but he was cursed, and now he's one of three Santas in North America. By Sadie opening the gift under the tree he placed in their apartment, she is now cursed to be a Santa and it breaks him free from the curse. The Santa wants more than anything to stop being a Santa, calling it hell on Earth and he spends most of his time sleeping, throwing up, and trying not to cry. If he gives a gift that's someone's heart's desire, and have it be accepted, that person will become the Santa and he'll go back to normal. Sadie mentions that although she accepted the bottle of liquor, the curse didn't work on her, as she never finished opening the gifts. Theodore jumps in and takes the gift from her, then finishes opening it to save her. Theodore begins to turn into Santa, but Santa turns into the Doorman. Theodore reveals that he, too, was cursed, long ago by a witch doctor when he failed to do his job watching and protecting the children of his tribe. Theordore was cursed to stand watch, forever. Santa and Theodore have merely switched places, and now the former Santa is now the Doorman. The two leave together to have a drink before their new jobs start.
- Frank wonders if Sadie has ever wondered what their lives would be like had they never met, and Sadie responds that she'd be an international art thief of moderate renown. She explains to Frank how she actually remembers a life where that happened, in the events of Art Imitates Life. Frank becomes jealous just as there is a knock on the door. Sadie opens the door as Frank asks if the gentleman at the door was present in the genie-begotten world. Sadie affirms that he was, as Basil Valentine enters the apartment. Basil does not remember his life with Sadie, but does remember Sadie as they knew each other when they dated in college. Frank also recognizes Basil, as he's now a preeminent archaeologist and Frank is suddenly a fan of archaeologists. Sadie asks Basil what brings him by, and Basil first wonders why Frank and Sadie keep making veiled references to something. Basil then explains that on a recent expedition he encountered something terrible, and Frank and Sadie's names came up when he began asking around for someone who can help with the darkness he encountered. Basil's daughter, Kimberly, has been possessed by a demon who escaped when Basil excavated an ancient tomb and told Kimmy to come take a look at the weird phenomenon. Frank and Sadie bring Kimmy, possessed by Gormanger, to the bedroom and tie her to the bed for safety during the exorcism. Both Frank and Sadie attempt to exorcise Kimmy but neither are able to. They each also have a conversation with Basil, vaguely referencing Sadie's life with Basil, while the other attempts the exorcism. Gormanger says that in order to leave Kimmy alone, he insists someone else summons his sister demon Krakoroth to inhabit their form. Despite Frank and Sadie's protests, Basil summons Krakoroth. Gormanger and Krakoroth proceed to bicker over a broken vase from like, 20,000 years ago getting broken. Sadie then brokers peace between the two and has them apologize to each other, making amends. They decide to go tear a group of people apart together until Sadie threatens to summon the demons' mother. Despite Frank's protests, she almost does summon the mother into herself, but the demons, terrified of their mother, agree to leave peacefully. Basil thanks Frank and Sadie as Frank unties Kimmy. Basil asks again what it is they aren't telling him, but Sadie tells Basil it's better he doesn't know. Basil agrees. Frank and Sadie hug, and agree to never be apart again.
- 2011–Podcast EpisodeFrank and Sadie are visiting Donna Henderson at her Park Avenue apartment, having drinks and keeping her company while Dave is working on a big case. There's a knock at the door, and K.C. and Margie Corker enter. They inquire if Donna and the Doyles have put any thought into the afterlife. You know, fire and Brimstone and Water and Nutmeg? Despite several attempts to eject the Corkers, they stay and continue to prepare Donna and the Doyles for "what's coming", the end of the world. The Corkers announce that the Old Ones are being reawakened, and the oldest Old Ones will be inhabiting Donna and Dave's daughter, as she is the best vessel, having come from the most unholy union. The Corkers show the Doyles their literature, a book made with a cover of human flesh. Donna cannot thrall the Corkers, as their faith is too strong. The Corkers say the moon will go out, the ocean will scream, birds will die, cats will bark, and everyone present will be ripped asunder. The Doyles are not able to stop the ritual from being performed as it's being enacted in 5 houses around town, forming a pentagram, and Donna's home is at the center of the pentagram. After a small delay, the rite is finished, and the Oldest Old One arrives. He tells the Corkers that a lot of the old ones have passed on of old age, while some have retired, so he's the only one that came. The Old One says he just doesn't have "it" anymore, and the Corkers give him an inspiring pep talk. Donna reminds the Old One that fitting into a baby is going to be a tight squeeze and destroying the world is a lot of work. The Old One is torn, and welcomes the debate and other opinions. He asks Frank and Sadie their opinions, as they aren't related to the baby. The Old One calls K.C. a tattletale and starts to dislike him. Frank and Sadie note that nobody went insane when they saw him, and maybe something could go wrong when inhabiting the baby. They suggest giving inhabiting a practice run and to pop into something else. Sadie suggests a few items, and the Old One chooses to climb inside a nearby lamp, to practice. He gets into the lamp, despite it being cramped. Before he can get out of the lamp, Sadie turns it off. She has Donna unplug it, label it and store it in the attic to be never turned on or plugged in again, trapping the Old One in the lamp forever. KC and Margie are devastated, and with their faith shaken, the Corkers are easily thralled by Donna, who drinks their blood.
- 2011–Podcast EpisodeFrank and Sadie accidentally summon the spirit/famous urban legend Bloody Mary while talking about cocktails. They briefly pretend to be scared (which they find a lot of fun), but soon bond with Bloody Mary over liquor and gossip that she's picked up from the various teenage sleepovers that she's been summoned to. Mary feels another group of teenagers summoning her and, wanting to stay with the Doyles, manages to resist. Unfortunately, her resistance pulls the group of teenagers to the Doyle's apartment instead. Rather than force the Doyles to have to put up with them, Mary tries to send the teenagers back to their sleepover, but for spell to work she would have to go with them. The Doyles bid Mary farewell, promising to summon her again soon.
- 2011–Podcast EpisodeOn the eve of Valentine's Day, Frank and Sadie decide to take a break from the supernatural interruptions in their lives. However, there is a knock at their door and, despite Frank's reluctance, Sadie's curiosity gets the better of her (she hopes it's a puppy, or an Eskimo, or a puppy in a parka). It's Cupid, who has come to ask for their help. Although their love isn't his doing, he does find them inspirational, and he needs that inspiration to help him with his plan to win back his lost love. Cupid had fallen in love with a mortal woman named Penelope Pepperdime, and despite his best efforts at choosing a mortal form to woo her, she rejected him. As a last resort, he used his arrows of love on her to force her to love him (which was cheating) but instead of falling in love with him, she died. Cupid realized that someone had switched his arrows out for the Diana's (the goddess of the hunt). Cupid wants to Doyle's love to help him go through with his plan to return to a mortal form so that he can die and go to Hades to bring Penelope back to life (thus convincing her to love him). Although the Doyles are skeptical that this plan will work out the way Cupid wants it to, they agree to help (by holding hands). Believing the switch to have been made by Diana, Cupid declares that he is at war with Diana and will have vengeance on her before he goes to Hades. Diana appears and, after mocking Cupid and the Doyles, declares a war on him as well ("one, two, three, four, I declare a god war!"). The Doyles retreat to the liquor cabinet on the opposite side of the room from the fighting gods (which was, in its' former life, a floor-to-ceiling bookshelf with rolling ladder). Mercury appears, and tells the Doyles that he switched Diana and Cupid's arrows as a prank. He's made himself invisible to the other gods, but visible to the Doyles because he wanted someone to share in his joke. The Doyles, not finding Mercury's prank particularly funny, tell Diana and Cupid what Mercury has done. Mercury reveals himself but tells them that it's too late as Cupid and Diana have already declared war on one another. Frank and Sadie introduce the gods to the concept of taking back things you just said, and Diana and Cupid end their war on each other, and Diana shoots Mercury. Unfortunately, since she was using Cupid's arrows, Mercury doesn't die but instead falls in love with Cupid. The Doyles convince Mercury that, out of his love for Cupid, he should help Cupid to rescue Penelope from the underworld. Cupid and Diana switch back arrows, and the gods leave.
- Frank is calling the patent office with a hangover curse (gin, applied liberally), when the Doyles are interrupted by a knock at the door. It's the ghost of their friend Arthur, who needs their help - he wants to go haunt his mother one last time before she dies, but he needs someone to haunt the house he was haunting while he's away. Sadie is reluctant but Frank, who is very excited by the idea of pretending to be a ghost, convinces her. The two head off to Arthur's childhood home. Finding it empty, they busy themselves by doing various 'haunted house' things (stacking the chairs in a pyramid, turning the picture frames, and making all the dolls face the same direction). The house's occupants, a single mother (Karen) and her daughter (Anne Marie), arrive home, and the Doyles hide in the closet. Karen tries hard to hold it together to be strong for her daughter, but the dolls facing the same direction proves to be too much and she flees the room. Frank and Sadie feel bad about having to continue, but as the promised Arthur, they emerge and pretend to be ghosts. Anne Marie isn't scared of them, and explains to the Doyles that Arthur is her friend. She's been having trouble with her mother, and she and Arthur talk about it (and sometimes play with her dolls together). Anne Marie has been hoping that Arthur's haunting will make her mother realize her inner strength. Karen returns, having called the Man In White, Chipper, to help exorcism the house. Frank and Sadie are increasingly skeptical of the legitimacy of Chipper's abilities. He claims the house is full of angry spirits, when the Doyles know that is not the case at all. They emerge from the closet and try to scare Chipper. A real ghost, Arthur's mother, appears and scares Chipper away. Arthur returns, and the two of them reconcile. As Arthur goes into the afterlife, Karen finds her strength and "chases" him away.
- 2011–Podcast EpisodeFrank and Sadie arrive at their country house, in an attempt to get away from people (and supernatural creatures) that come looking for them to ask for their help. Unfortunately, they forgot to lock their back door, and a young woman named Pearl arrives asking for their help to save her boyfriend. After ensuring sure that this has nothing to with the supernatural, the Doyles agree to help her. Pearl's boyfriend, Edgar, turns out to be a lagoon monster. After arguing with Frank for a few moments over whether this counts as a 'supernatural' problem Pearl insists that the Doyles save him, as she is a fresh-water mermaid and doesn't have a compatible respiratory system. Some woodland animals - a turtle, a frog, and an otter - sing a short song encouraging the Doyles to give Edgar mouth to mouth. Sadie does, and Edgar transforms into a human. The forest animals claim that this is due to True Love's First Kiss (which Frank has some issues with), since Edgar was originally a human who was transformed into a lagoon monster via True Love's First Kiss with Pearl. Pearl says that this is because Edgar has fallen out of love with her, although Edgar insists that he hasn't. The animals try to get the two to recapture their love for each other by recounting the story of how they met. When Edgar was a child he visited the pool where Pearl lived and it was love at first sight, but his parents pulled him away from the water before they could speak to one another. Although he tried to find love with other women, he never forgot Pearl (although his failure at other relationships might also have had something to do with the fact that the frog followed him around for most of his childhood and adulthood without his knowledge). Eventually, he returned to the pool and he and Pearl had their first kiss, transforming him into a lagoon monster. Edgar says his dissatisfaction stems from the fact that he misses things from his old life (like lamps, and cake), and that unlike Pearl (who has a job that somehow has monetized swimming) he has "nothing [he] loves" under the water. Both Pearl and the animals react badly to this revelation. Edgar has a drink with the Doyles and discovers that liquor isn't as good as he's built it up to be in his mind, which makes him question whether anything from the "above world" could live up to the expectations that he's created. He tries to get Pearl to kiss him again to transform him back into a lagoon monster, but she refuses, saying that he's hurt her and that she's not sure that she wants him back. The animals tell him (in song) to apologize, otherwise they will kill him (and the Doyles). Frank encourages Edgar to apologize by giving a fabricated story about how he had similar feelings the Edgar at the beginning of he and Sadie's relationship. Edgar apologies, saying that the relationship they had together might not have been passionate but it was comfortable and easy. Pearl agrees, adding that although he may not be the right guy for her, looking for a new one is too much effort. They kiss, Edgar transforms, and the two of them return to their underwater home. Once they're out of earshot, Frank disagrees with Edgar and Pearl's assessment of love, saying that every day with Sadie is as wonderful as the first. The animals begin to sing again, and the Doyles flee back into the house.
- 2011–Podcast EpisodeFrank and Sadie are spending an evening at Donna Henderson's, when they are interrupted by Arturis Severvein and Johnny Vampire, twin Nosferatu-level vampire brothers (they are twins in that they were both bitten by the same vampire at the same time, and also in that they were born identical twins). Severvein recognizes Frank and Sadie as the two that killed their maker, Carlysle Ravencastle, Dark Husband to the Midnight. Ravencastle's final thrall over Severvein and Johnny was to thrall them into competing for the title of King of the Vampires, even though neither of them really want to. Since Donna has been overseeing things as interim-king, she must preside over the duel (which will take place in her backyard, where she can keep an eye on them). Severvein is keen to start the duel, but Johnny is less enthusiastic. Frank suggests that Donna also take part in the duel (which would, of course, then be referred to as a 'truel'), as she is already a capable leader of the vampire community. Although Donna is certain she could beat the in a physical fight (in four bites), vampire duels are done by proxy. Vampires engaged in a duel summon a proxy who fights to the death for them. Severvein attempts to summon his proxy. Instead, a lamp appears. The Doyles realize that it's the lamp in which they trapped the Old One, which Donna tells them keeps materializing all over the house in precarious positions no matter how many times she puts it back in the attic, as the Old One is trying to free himself by putting his lamp in positions where it could easily smash. The doorbell rings, but instead of Johnny's proxy it is a group of Gypsies, who want to take Michelle as part of their apocalypse prophecy. Donna refuses, and uses her thrall to force them to leave. Severvein says that if Donna is to be part of their duel/truel, she must also summon a proxy. Donna doesn't have one on hand, so Sadie volunteers. Donna and Frank protest as this is dangerous - the vampire and proxy who lose the duel/truel will both die. As that will only happen if she loses, Sadie is unconcerned. Frank insists they change the parameters of the truel to something non-lethal and, as Johnny also agrees, the motion is carried (two against one). The doorbell rings again. Johnny thinks it's his proxy's arrival, but instead it's some Evangelical Satanists who are looking for Michelle, as she is part of their apocalypse prophecy. Donna refuses, and she, Severvein, and Johnny drink the Satanists. While the vampires are drinking, Sadie reminisces fondly about her and Donna's more carefree days before either of them were married (and also, in Donna's case, before she was a vampire), when they would get into "such wonderful trouble together". Frank doesn't feel the same way about his own pre-Sadie days, but doesn't begrudge Sadie for doing so. The doorbell rings again, and this time it is Johnny's proxy, a succubus named Cistala. She and Severvein clearly know each other and share romantic feelings for each other (however, they keep these feelings a "secret" for the others as love between vampires and succubi are forbidden by vampire law, which only the King of the Vampires has the power to change). Cistala inadvertently uses her powers on Frank and then Sadie, before turning her powers off for the purposes of the truel. The doorbell rings, but instead of Severvien's proxy it is three invisible men, who have come to see Michelle and give her gifts of invisible gold, invisible frankincense, and invisible myrrh. They are unsure if Michelle is already in the room, as everything is also invisible to them (light can't be refracted by their invisible eyes, so they are blind). They ask Donna if they can take Michelle for their prophecies, and Donna refuses. They leave (or at least, they pretend to). The doorbell rings, and this time it is Severvein's proxy, a changeling named Phil. Phil displays his powers by turning into Sadie (to Frank and Sadie's delight), and explains the nature of changelings - they can never know love, because they don't have a true form to love. Severvein says he wants to talk to Cistala in private, and Cistala goes to wait for him in the kitchen while he speaks with his brother. Johnny reveals he knows Cistala and Severvein are in love, as she once mistook him for Severvein and revealed her love. He plans to use this against Severvein to win the truel. Meanwhile, Phil uses his changeling powers to speak to Cistala using Severvein's form. She declares that she will throw the contest, even though it will mean her death, because of her love for him. Because of her dedication to love, Phil falls in love with her, and decides that he will kill Severvein and use his changeling powers to take Severvein's place in the truel and in Cistala's heart. The invisible men overhear this and are dismayed (although unfortunately, because they are blind, they are unsure about who was speaking). Phil confuses Severvein and Johnny, and asks Johnny to speak to him in private, planning to kill him. The invisible men interrupt to stop him, almost knocking over the lamp with their wild gesticulating. Frank tells them to be careful of it, explaining that the Old One contained inside is trying to break out. The invisible men wonder why the Old One doesn't just break the lamp if he can move it. This had not previously occurred to the Old One, and it immediately breaks the lamp. The Old One threatens them all with destruction and death. Believing that they are about to die and wanting to unburden themselves, Cistala and Severvein reveal their love (no one is surprised). Phil also reveals his love for Cistala and how he had planned to remain in one form for the rest of his life to be with her, which Cistala finds romantic. After checking that their love wouldn't be forbidden ("definitely nope"), and the two embrace their love. Johnny insists that this was his plan all along, but faced with the skepticism of everyone he admits that his plan was just to not die or become king. The Old One insists that everyone will die. Frank and Sadie call down Michelle, and introduce her to everyone including the three invisible men who want to take her because she has "great power". Michelle excitedly demonstrates her powers, using them to destroy the Old One. Michelle stops short of bringing about the End of Time, because if she does that she won't get dessert. Since Michelle won't be bring about the apocalypse, the invisible men leave. Severvein tries to continue on with their truel, but Michelle breaks the thrall that Ravencastle had put over Johnny and Severvein. Free from the thrall, the brothers no longer want to compete for the title of King of the Vampires. Cistala breaks up with Severvein and leaves with Phil. Johnny and Severvein also leave. Donna remains the interim-king. Sadie is disappointed that she didn't get to recapture some of the wildness of her youth by taking part in the truel, but Donna insists that their good times are even better now that they have Frank, Dave, and Michelle in their lives, and Sadie agrees.
- Frank and Sadie interrupt Spooky Hal's introduction, as they claim that he isn't beginning it correctly. Instead of beginning high above Manhattan, the Doyles begin their story at an auction house where they have won their latest auction purchase. Sadie interrupts Frank's story to begin their story in a different place - back at their apartment (which annoys Spooky Hal), where the Doyles are finishing their breakfast (of liquor, naturally) when the mail arrived, informing them of the previously mentioned auction. They excitedly discuss the item that they have an interest in bidding upon, when their story is interrupted by Pterodactyl Jones. Jones insists that that isn't how the story began either. It began even earlier than the Doyles hearing about an auction, with Jones giving up the supernatural detective life to become a mailman (he also gave up dames, smoking, and, to the Doyles' shock and horror, liquor). Jones delivered a parcel to Kirk and Irma Cook. Irma and Jones flirt heavily while Kirk takes his time signing for the parcel. Jones leaves, but quickly returns. Irma begs Jones to help her escape her husband, and she gives Jones a glass of water (as he no longer drinks). Kirk discovers the two of them together and the Kirk and Jones get into a fight. Kirk quickly gains the upper hand, and Jones quickly goes down thanks to the drugged water Irma gave him. When Jones wakes up he finds that Kirk is dead and that he has been framed as the murderer. Kirk, or rather the ghost of Kirk, interrupts Jones' story. Despite not remembering all the facts of his death, he's sure Jones is his murderer and plans to follow Jones until he has gotten his revenge. Frank and Sadie point out that Kirk doesn't have any evidence to back up his claims. When Kirk's ghost first began to haunt Jones, Jones went back to the scene of the crime to try to find evidence to exonerate himself. Unfortunately for Jones, he found no evidence. After overhearing the lead detective, Detective Corso, say that Irma had pointed the finger at Jones for the crime, making Jones was the lead suspect. Kirk discusses some of the case details he was able to overhear, such as his cause of death (a blow to the back of the head). Unfortunately for Kirk and Jones, the murder weapon is missing and it's the vital evidence that could prove Jones' innocence or send him to prison. This brings them back to Sadie's story of the mail arriving, which then joins onto Frank's story of winning the auction - three antique shelves of aged liquors (6 bottles total). Frank and Sadie argue with Jones about exorcising Kirk. Jones refuses to help as it goes against his new rules, but quickly relents after Kirk says he wants to go to Wisconsin. However, before they can begin the ritual, Detective Corso arrives to arrest Jones. Jones proclaims his innocence but has no proof, which is when the Doyles continue their story. When they returned home from the auction and examined their winnings they discovered they had 7 bottles. Although at first they thought the extra bottle was some sort of gift from the auction house (as thanks for not making fun of the auctioneer's tiny gavel), or that one of their bottles had somehow made it's way into the antique collection, but they soon realized that the seventh bottle had a ghostly aura around it. The seventh bottle was added after the auction listing was published, and the bottle's ghostly aura is due to it being the murder weapon. With this evidence in hand, Jones is exonerated. Corso puts out an APB for Irma, and leaves. Kirk follows Corso, since he wants to haunt his murderous wife. Corso leaves the bottle, and Sadie surmises that Corso has left it on purpose so that she has a reason to track Jones down later. Jones thanks the Doyles, and Frank tells Jones he can make it up to them by giving them a new bottle for the one taken as evidence.
- 2011–Podcast EpisodeWe begin with married mediums Wade and Aubrey Crespo, the toast of the upper crust, headliners on the society pages, in their penthouse apartment. The two of them admire their apartment, the apartment that is definitely theirs and belongs to them, when they are interrupted by a knock at the door. It's Frank Doyle, their liquor delivery boy man, and he needs their help - there's a werewolf threatening him and since the Crespos are experts in supernatural matters he's come to them for protection. They offer Frank a drink to settle his nerves and he initially refuses since he might get in trouble with his boss, but eventually accepts. Frank clinks glasses with Wade, who is upset by it. The liquor reminds Frank of something, but he's unsure of what exactly that thing might be. Frank explains his situation with the werewolf: 26 days ago one came up to him in the street and threatened to kill him if Frank didn't give him what he was after. The problem is, Frank doesn't know what the werewolf is after. There's another knock at the door, but it's not the werewolf - it's Sadie Knickerhouse, Frank's supervisor. She's come to chastise Frank for leaving the Crespos' crate of liquor downstairs instead of bringing it up to the apartment as he was supposed to. Frank explains his current situation, and Sadie mocks the idea that the Crespos could offer any form of protection against werewolves, even if she believed such things existed. Wade suggests that they try to figure out what the werewolf wants from Frank to help him, and Sadie decides to fix herself a drink. Aubrey takes offense to Sadie fixing herself a drink with the Crespos' alcohol, but Sadie is unconcerned (Sadie clinks glasses with Aubrey, which annoys her further). Franks asks Sadie if she has delivered to the Crespos before, as she seems very familiar with the layout of their liquor cabinet, but Sadie says she hasn't. Wade strenuously tries to change the topic, but ends up getting Frank and Sadie to reflect on what they have - their jobs as a delivery man and delivery man supervisor. Frank and Sadie clink glasses to celebrate, and have a strange feeling. Before they can examine what it might mean, they are interrupted by a knock at the door. It's Keller, the werewolf who threatened Frank, and he's brought up the case of liquor. Keller passes it off to Wade, who sets it down at Sadie's request. Aubrey is annoyed that Sadie is ordering her husband around in her own apartment. Sadie insists that she was only doing her job as supervisor, and then ponders why it feels strange to say that she has a job. Frank agrees that it sounds strange, but isn't sure why. Wade says that the reason they feel strange about things is because of the werewolf threatening Frank. Keller introduces himself, and says that if Frank gives him the book, he might let him live (probably not though). Frank isn't sure what book he means, and in looking around for a book Frank and Sadie realize that the bookshelves are full of liquor bottles, not books. Wade and Aubrey insist that Keller can't kill someone in their apartment, and suggest that he and Frank go downstairs instead. Keller threatens the others, and insists they hand over the book. Frank says that he can't give Keller the book because he doesn't have it, in fact, he doesn't have anything of value except for an insane crush on his supervisor, Sadie. Keller sniffs him to see if he's telling the truth (he is), and says that he smells as if he's a completely different person that the last time Keller saw and smelt him at the auction house. Frank says that it couldn't have been him, because he's never been to an auction house. Sadie remembers sending him to the auction house with various pointless liquors 26 days previously. Wade interjects, saying that they should stake Keller before he attacks them. Frank thanks him, but Sadie tells them that staking a werewolf wouldn't work, and then wonders how she knows that. Aubrey asks her is she knows how you do kill a werewolf, and Sadie tells her (bullets made of silver, gold, platinum, and diamond, shot in that order). Aubrey tells Sadie that she knows a lot about werewolves for liquor delivery supervisor, and Sadie says that the only explanation must be that she must be a werewolf. Keller says that she's not (he'd be able to smell it). Frank tells her to think back to "about a month ago" to see if she remembers transforming into anything. Sadie doesn't remember whether she did or not. Annoyed that they seem to be ignoring him, Keller asks if he's been turned into an invisible man. Sadie says that they'd still be able to hear each other even if that was the case and that he'd be blind, and then wonders how she knows that. Aubrey suggests that Sadie knows that because she was bitten by an invisible man. Frank says that's not how invisible men work, and then wonders how he knows that. Keller feels his transformation coming on, and threatens to "suck [Frank's] skull" if Frank doesn't give him the book. Sadie defends Frank, which gives them both the same strange feeling they had before when they clinked glasses. Sadie says the reason must be the same reason that she knows that in the bedroom are guns loaded with the bullets needed to kill a werewolf. After a brief, tense stand-off, Keller decides to leave before they can get the guns. Frank thanks Sadie for saving him, and tells her that she's the best ... boss that he could ever wish for. The mention of wishing makes Wade extremely nervous, and Frank and Sadie tell him to calm down, and ask Keller to tell them about the book he was looking for. Keller says that Frank outbid him at an auction for a book of the short story The Monkey's Paw, which Keller was going to use to become richer. This was no ordinary book for, like the magical monkey's paw the short story was about, the book could also grant three wishes, at a an enormous price. Wade insists that he's never heard of the book, but Frank is skeptical. Frank asks Wade is the book might be the reason that he and Sadie seem to have a strange feeling and no recollection of anything before 26 ago. Aubrey finds the book, just as Keller's transformation begins. Sadie and Frank both suspect that this is in fact their apartment (backed up by some mail addressed to Frank), and Sadie threatens to shoot him. Wade admits that he stole Frank's book. Wade was delivering their liquor and Sadie showed him about Frank's latest auction purchase - a cursed copy of The Monkey's Paw. Wade held it, and wished to have the lives the Doyles had, causing them to switch places. Aubrey is touched that Wade wished for a better life for the two of them, until Wade tells her that, in reality they're not actually married (in fact, they've barely met - Aubrey works at the cafe near from the liquor store and Wade has a crush on her). Sadie says that with the one wish Wade has left, he should wish to set things right and return things the the way they were before he made his first wish. Wade hesitates, not wanting to pay the enormous price that the third wish entails. Keller threatens to take the book and kill all of them, and begins transforming. Wade quickly makes his third wish to return reality to how it was before his wish. Reality shifts back, and Frank and Sadie are drinking in their apartment when they're interrupted by a knock at the door. It's Keller, who's there to steal the book from Frank. Wade appears, and tells Keller about the guns the Doyles keep in their bedroom, and Keller quickly retreats. Wade asks if the Doyles want to know how he knows about their guns, but they tell him they don't, quickly getting him out of their apartment as Wade ponders his price. Sadie says she hates it when people remember their wish, and Frank agrees.
- 2011–Podcast EpisodeThrilling Adventure Hour and Wits Crossover. is a two-part bonus crossover of The Thrilling Adventure Hour and an episode of Beyond Belief. Wits was a weekly national public radio broadcast produced and distributed by American Public Media. As of September 2015, the broadcast ended.
- 2011–Podcast EpisodeIt's the Doyles' New Year's Eve party. Frank is looking forward to the clock counting down, as it means he will be able to kiss Sadie (who is a stickler for holiday-based rules), and also will be able to chase all their guests out of their apartment. As the clock counts down, their guests, and the city, freeze in place. Sadie takes the opportunity to drink their guests' drinks. Frank is pleased, as it means he is finally alone with Sadie on New Year's Eve. Before the Doyles can enjoy things too much, they're interrupted by a knock at the door. It's Norman, an old man who begs them for their help. He believes he is being followed by two mysterious men in suits. He's worried for himself, but he's even more worried for his girlfriend, Margot. Sadie asks Norman if he has any idea why these men might be following him, and Norman says he doesn't know. In fact, he has no memories of anything beyond the previous New Year's Eve. Norman believes that the two men in suits have taken his memories, or at the very least that they know something about his missing memories. Norman says the two men in suits also have strange powers - reversing and speeding up the time around him. Margot bursts into the Doyles' apartment. She says that the men in suits are close behind her and she begs Norman to flee, but he won't leave without her. Margot seems to know more than she says, but she refuses to tell the Doyles anything. The two men in suits arrive. They want to ask the Doyles some questions. The men in suits want to know if the Doyles have met Norman before (they haven't), if this is their party (it's Sadie's), if they know why everyone's frozen (they don't), and if the Doyles know why they are not frozen (they don't). Margot asks the two men why they're chasing after Norman. They seem familiar with him, and say that he has "violated codes left and right and center." Now it's the Doyles' turn to ask questions. They want to know who the two men are (Agent March and Agent Rozsa) and why they're after Norman. They claim Norman knows why they're chasing him, but Norman swears he doesn't. They want to take him with them, but Sadie won't allow it. Something of the agents says enables Frank to crack the case - it's about time, just as Norman claimed. The Doyles figure out that Norman himself is causing the disturbances in time without knowing it. Norman subconsciously left the Doyles out of it because he believed they could help him. Sadie hesitantly suggests that Norman might in fact by the embodiment of Old Year, who is trying to stop turning into the New Year so that he can stay with his true love, Margot. This turns out to be exactly the case. The agents say that Norman needs to be reborn and Baby New Year so that time can move forward. Sadie prevents the agents from taking Norman, but Margot says that maybe Norman leaving with the agents is for the best. She doesn't see a future for them with the world frozen like it is. Sadie also encourages Norman to leave with the agents - she doesn't really want her friends and acquaintances (and hangers-on) to be frozen in time forever. Norman and Margot share a tearful goodbye and he leaves with Agent Rozsa. Once they have left, Agent March address Margot as Agent Gibney. It's revealed to the Doyles that the Agents go through this each year with Norman, as each year he falls in love with "Margot" and each year they must convince him to come with them and change for the new year. Frank remarks that that seems like a hassle for them, and the agents agree - it is a hassle for all of them. The agents bid goodbye to the Doyles until next New Year's Eve. As the agents leave, the party unfreezes, and the Doyles share their New Year's Eve kiss at last.
- 2011–Podcast EpisodeSadie asks Frank if there is anything he fears. Frank replies that he hasn't been afraid of anything since he met her. There is a knock at the door and at first Sadie doesn't want Frank to open to door - after all, it might be something fearsome. Frank reminds her that they're expecting Ken. the liquor delivery boy. After checking their appearances (outstanding and splendid, respectively) they race to answer the door. Unfortunately, it's not Ken. It's two "people" who insist they're "neighbours". Despite their insistence that they're definitely people, the Doyles are unimpressed. The Doyles try to get them to leave, but the two visitors seem unaware of what the Doyles are trying to attempt. The two visitor tell the Doyles that they will never be able to guess what they are or why they're come - they look like two skeletons (with some fleshy parts), which they are, and they've come for the Doyles' livers. The Doyles, of course, are using their livers pretty much constantly, and are unwilling to give up their livers. The two skeletons want the Doyles livers for precisely that reason - they're the strongest ones there are. The two skeletons tell the Doyles that they need the livers to impress two Frankenstein girls that they've met. They've fallen in love with the Frankenstein girls, and have been trying to build up their skin and organs even since. There's another knock at the door. The skeleton men think it's the Frankenstein girls, but it's not. This time, it is Ken - he's arrived with the Doyles delivery for the day. Ken sees the skeleton men, but interprets them as elaborate Halloween decorations. The Doyles give Ken a tip, and Ken thanks them for all their help. The Doyles bid him farewell (until tomorrow), but Ken tells them that this is to be his last shift. He's gotten into Harvard (the college). The Doyles are very proud of him and wish him well as he leaves. The two skeleton men leave after him and quickly return, with extra brains which they've taken from Ken. Ken arrives shortly after, now as a zombie (and no longer going to Harvard). Sadie demands that the skeletons give Ken back his brains. There's another knock at the door, and the two Frankenstein girls arrive. They've been told that this is where their secret admirers live, and they talk excitedly about the sorts of organs their secret admirers must have. The two skeleton men take the Doyles aside, asking the Doyles to let the skeletons have their livers before the Frankenstein girls notice they don't have any. Ken has an idea, and with the Doyles help he's able to explain it.The Doyles will pretend that the skeletons have livers, thus impressing the Frankenstein girls, and in exchange the skeletons will give Ken back his brain. After conferring with each other briefly, the skeleton men agree and take Ken into the bathroom so that they can return his brain. The Doyles talk up the two skeletons and their amazing livers to the Frankenstein girls, how are very excited to get to know these two liver-having gentlemen. However, when the skeletons and Ken emerge, Ken talks excitedly about his brain and how he will soon be going to Harvard (the college), which impresses the two Frankenstein girls even more. They ask him out on a date and he excitedly agrees, and the three of them leave. The two skeletons are disappointed, but Frank tells them not to be upset - anyone they have to change themselves that much for isn't really the one for them. The two skeletons say he's right, and in celebration of this, they strip off their stolen skin and organs onto the Doyles' clean floor and rush out for a celebratory drink. Sadie wonders if they should stop the skeletons - after all, they did murder quite a lot of people - but Frank says that they should let the skeletons go, as they learned an important lesson. The Doyles go over to the window to watch the two skeletons race across the road, where they're hit by a bus.
- 2011–Podcast EpisodeFrank is extremely excited to finally receive an item which he won an auction many years ago (in fact, it was the Doyles' first auction purchase): a bottle of MacGuffin scotch, the only surviving bottle from the entire distillery. This leads them to reminisce about their very first auction, as well as a new rumor Sadie has heard about one of their auction friends, Secular Charlie. The phone rings, interrupting their gossip session. It's Secular Charlie, and at first Frank thinks that she might be calling to try and buy the MacGuffin from them, as she was their main competition during the auction, but Secular Charlie says that she needs their help. Frank is reluctant to go, as he is not a fan of churches or of going to them, but Charlie has asked for their help in relation to the supernatural, and Sadie feels compelled to help one of their auction friends. The Doyles arrive at the church to find Charlie very shaken up. Sadie tries to ease Charlie (and Frank) into the conversation. A nun, Sister Helmer arrives. She assumes the Doyles are exterminators here to help with the church's pest problem. Charlie is very frustrated with Sister Helmer , and insists that it isn't a pest infestation. Sister Helmer tells the Doyles that they have a case of barn owls stuck in the church rafters. Charlie says that the "owls" have far too big of a wing span to be owls. Sister Helmer tells her that the owls only have such a large wingspan because they are in such a large church. Sadie asks Charlie what she thinks the problem is. She believes the problem is angels. The two angels fly down and enthusiastically introduce themselves to the Doyles. They confirm that they are angels, but Sister Helmer continues to insist that they're barn owls. She doesn't want anyone to think that they're angels, as it will frighten people away from the church during their busiest time of the year, Christmas. Frank wonders why angels would be bad for business. Sadie echoes Frank's question saying that she could see why the overly enthusiastic angels could be a nuisance, but not enough to drive people away. Charlie tells them it's because now, when she's in church around the angels, she feels a deep spiritual connection, but when she's away from the church she can feel the lack of it, and it's driving her mad. It's driven the rest of the congregation away. The Doyles remain unimpressed by the angels. The angels heard Charlie's music and saw the light from inside the church and flew in, and now can't figure out how to fly out. Sadie speculates they were looking for sanctuary from their jobs (helping nerds be cool, showing people what everyone's lives would be like if they were dead, etc), and the angels agree - their jobs are depressing, and they're not sure if they even make a difference in people's lives. Frank assures them that they do (they do, after all, have a 100% clearance rate). Reinvigorated, the angels try to fly out but still can't co-ordinate themselves enough to get through the door. Frank gets a broom and shoos the two angels out. They get caught in the trees outside straight away, but Sister Helmer assures everyone that they'll be fine.