- Intertitle: Tate University - A large football stadium, with a college attached.
- [after Harold discovers he is in fact the "college boob"]
- Peggy: Harold, you haven't been true to yourself - you've been pretending to be what you thought they wanted you to be. Stop pretending, Harold - be yourself! Get out and make them like you for what you really are and what you can do!
- Intertitle: The Dean of the College - he was so dignified he never married for fear his wife would call him by his first name.
- Intertitle: Peggy - the kind of girl your mother must have been.
- Harold's Mother: Look, Pa, how much Harold has saved to take to college for spending money - just by selling washing machines. He's been upstairs in his room all evening dreaming about going to college - he simply can't think of anything else.
- The College Cad: I've got a new one on Speedy - he thinks he made the football team - and he's only the water boy!
- Peggy: Harold Lamb has more spunk in his little finger than you have in your whole conceited make-up!
- The Freshman: I saw it in the movies - the College Hero did that jig every time he was introduced to anyone.
- The College Cad: Aren't you going to say a few words of greeting to the students? Why, every new student must make a speech - if you don't, you'll be the most unpopular man in college!
- The Freshman: [Falling for the gag, he walks out on stage] My friends, I am here - er - yes, there is no doubt that I am here - Yes, I repeat that I am here - er - you are here - in fact, we are all here.
- The Football Coach: The boys are getting careless - I'll have to jack 'em up. Get them together and I'll tear 'em to pieces!
- [Football team gathers]
- The Football Coach: What this team needs is the fighting spirit! You dubs are dead from your dandruff down!
- The Tailor's Wife: It's one of his dizzy spells, Mr. Lamb - a little brandy always fixes him right up.
- Intertitle: The head coach - - so tough he shaves with a blow-torch.
- Intertitle: The peril of the Freshmen - an upper class bully who made Simon Legree look like the Good Samaritan.
- The Freshman: [Peggy is working on a crossword puzzle] I think I know the word for number 19 vertical - 'a name for the one you love.'
- Peggy: You do?
- The Freshman: Sweetheart.
- Peggy: Darling.
- The Freshman: Dearest.
- Peggy: Precious.
- The Freshman: Honeybunch.
- The College Cad: Pipe the latest sport-model Freshman with the old-fashioned trimmings - let's ride him!
- Football Teammate: Atta boy, Speedy - a twenty yard gain!
- Intertitle: Football practice - - where men are men and necks are nothing.