Monkey Business (1931)
Chico Marx: Chico
Photos
Quotes
-
Captain Corcoran : [describing the stowaways] One of them goes around with a black moustache.
Groucho : So do I; if I had my choice, I'd go around with a little blonde.
Captain Corcoran : I said, one goes around with a black moustache.
Groucho : Well, you couldn't expect a moustache to go around by itself. Don't you think a moustache ever gets lonely, Captain?
Chico : Hey, sure it gets-a lonely. Hey, when my grandfather's beard gets here, I'd like it to meet your moustache.
Groucho : Well, I'll think it over; I'll talk it over with my moustache. Tell me, has your grandfather's beard got any money?
Chico : Money? Why, he fell hair to a fortune.
-
Groucho : [Ship stowaways in barrels] Ah, this is the only way to travel boys, the only way. I was going to bring a long the wife and kiddies, but the grocer couldn't spare another barrel.
Chico : I was going to bring my grandfather, but there's no room for his beard.
Groucho : Why don't you send for the old swine and let his beard come later.
Chico : I sent for his beard.
Groucho : You did?
Chico : Yes, it's comin' by hair mail.
-
Manicurist : Do you want your nails trimmed long?
Chico : Oh, about an hour and a half. I got nothin' to do.
-
Chico : We're great, huh?
Joe Helton : You're great.
Chico : My partner?
Joe Helton : He's great.
Chico : My grandfather's great. He's a great-grandfather.
-
Woman Passenger : Where's the Doctor? A doctor! I want a doctor!
Chico : Sit. Stay calm. We take care of you. Oh, she's got a chill. Cover her up.
[Harpo sits on her]
Chico : No, no, no, no. Get up. Get up. Take her pulse. Take her pulse.
[Harpo takes her purse]
Chico : No purse! Put it back. Pulse. I think you best take a temperature. That's good. Alright, we take care of you, lady. Alright. Alright. Alright.
Woman Passenger : Oh, you fools! I'm not the patient!
Chico : Well, we're not the doctor.
-
Groucho : Now, Columbus sailed from Spain to India, looking for a shortcut.
Chico : Oh, you mean strawberry shortcut.
Groucho : I don't know. When I woke up, there was the nurse taking care of me.
Chico : What's the matter? Couldn't the nurse take care of herself?
Groucho : You bet she could, but I found her out, too late. Well, enough of this. Let's get back to Columbus.
Chico : I'd rather get back to the nurse.
Groucho : So would I.
-
Zeppo : Hey, do you know who's on this boat? Maurice Chevalier the movie actor. I just ran into him.
Groucho : Did you hurt him?
Chico : How do you know it was Chevalier?
Zeppo : I got his passport. Right there.
Groucho : Now, he can't get off the boat.
Chico : [Pointing to Harpo] Hey, he looks like Chevalier. I can look like Chevalier.
Groucho : I certainly look like Chevalier.
Zeppo : But, that's not enough. You gotta sing one of Chevalier's songs to get off this boat.
[singing]
Zeppo : "If a nightingale, could sing like you, they'd sing much better than you do..."
Groucho : Outstanding. You sing like that and they'll throw us all off the boat.
-
Chico : Alright, alright. How much you pay?
Joe Helton : Well, just how tough are you?
Chico : Well, you pay a little bit, we're a little bit tough. You pay very much, very much tough. You pay a too much, we're too much a tough. How much you pay?
Joe Helton : I pay plenty.
Chico : Well, then we're plenty tough.
-
Boat Passenger : What's the idea of putting your hands in my pocket!
Chico : Just a little mistake. I had a suit once. Looked just like that and for a minute I thought those were my pants.
Boat Passenger : How could they be your pants when I I've got them on!
Chico : Well, this suit had two pair of pants.
-
Chico : Mustard's no good without roast beef.
-
Chico : Hey, you're a nice lookin' a gal, alright. You got "it".