- Doctor: Pardon me Mr. Katona? Precisely what position do you hold with Matuschek and Company?
- Pepi Katona: Well, I would describe myself as a contact man. I keep contact between Matuschek and Company and the customers... on a bicycle.
- Doctor: You mean, an errand boy?
- Pepi Katona: Doctor, did I call you a pill-peddler?
- Hugo Matuschek: [after Miss Novak sells one of the musical cigarette boxes] Well, what do you say now?
- Alfred Kralik: I think people who like to smoke candy and listen to cigarettes will love it.
- Alfred Kralik: [asking Pirovitch about cost of living for married couple] Suppose a fellow gets an apartment with three rooms. Dining room, bedroom, living room.
- Pirovitch: What do you need three rooms for? You live in the bedroom.
- Alfred Kralik: Where do you eat?
- Pirovitch: In the kitchen. You get a nice big kitchen.
- Alfred Kralik: Where do you entertain?
- Pirovitch: Entertain? What are you, an embassador? Who do you want to entertain? Listen listen, if someone is really your friend, he comes after dinner.
- Woman Customer: How much is that belt in the window, the one that says "2.95?"
- Alfred Kralik: $2.95
- Woman Customer: Oh, no!
- [walks away]
- Alfred Kralik: There might be a lot we don't know about each other. You know, people seldom go to the trouble of scratching the surface of things to find the inner truth.
- Klara Novak (Miss Novak): Well I really wouldn't care to scratch your surface, Mr. Kralik, because I know exactly what I'd find. Instead of a heart, a hand-bag. Instead of a soul, a suitcase. And instead of an intellect, a cigarette lighter... which doesn't work.
- [Alfred Kralik has just disclosed to Klara Novak that he is her anonymous pen pal]
- Alfred Kralik: Are you disappointed?
- Klara Novak (Miss Novak): Psychologically, I'm very confused... But personally, I don't feel bad at all.
- Alfred Kralik: Pirovitch, did you ever get a bonus?
- Pirovitch: Yes, once.
- Alfred Kralik: Yeah. The boss hands you the envelope. You wonder how much is in it, and you don't want to open it. As long as the envelope's closed, you're a millionaire.
- Klara Novak (Miss Novak): All my knowledge came from books, and I'd just finished a novel about a glamorous French actress from the Comedie Francaise. That's the theater in France. When she wanted to arouse a man's interest, she treated him like a dog.
- Alfred Kralik: Yes, well, you treated me like a dog.
- Klara Novak (Miss Novak): Yes, but instead of licking my hand, you barked.
- Alfred Kralik: Can you see her?
- Pirovitch: Yes.
- Alfred Kralik: Is she pretty?
- Pirovitch: Very pretty.
- Alfred Kralik: She is, huh?
- Pirovitch: I should say, she looks... she has a little of the coloring of Klara.
- Alfred Kralik: Klara, Miss Novak of the shop?
- Pirovitch: Now, Kralik, you must admit Klara is a very good looking girl, and personally I've always found her a very likable girl.
- Alfred Kralik: Well this is a fine time to talk about Miss Novak.
- Pirovitch: Well, if you don't like Miss Novak, I can tell you right now you won't like that girl.
- Alfred Kralik: Why?
- Pirovitch: Because it is Miss Novak.
- Pepi Katona: [leaving Mr.Matuschek's room in hospital] Well Doctor, I would say it's a nervous breakdown. What do you think?
- Doctor: It appears to be an acute epileptoid manifestation and a pan phobic melancholiac with indication of a neurasthenia cordus.
- Pepi Katona: Is that more expensive than a nervous breakdown?
- Pirovitch: [spying through the café window] There is a cup of coffee on the table. She's taking a piece of cake. Kralik, she's dunking!
- Alfred Kralik: Flora, take a letter. Ah... To whom it may concern. Mr. Vadas has been in the employ of Matuschek & Company for the last two years, during which he has been very efficient as a stool pigeon, a troublemaker, and a rat.
- Ferenc Vadas: Now look here!
- Alfred Kralik: And if he doesn't clear out of here he's going to get a punch in the nose! Yours very truly, Alfred Kralik, Manager, Matuschek & Company.
- Klara Novak (Miss Novak): [In her letter to Alfred] : Oh, my Dear Friend, my heart was trembling as I walked into the post office, and there you were, lying in Box 237. I took you out of your envelope and read you, read you right there.
- Pepi Katona: [on the phone] Hello, Mrs. Matuschek... Yes, this is Pepi speaking... That's right... I didn't bring you that bottle of perfume? Well, you're never going to get it! What do you think of that? Your perfume days are over, Mrs. M... Yes, this is Pepi speaking... Oh, you want to speak to Mr. Matuschek? That's too bad. Just at the moment, he's up in a balloon with two blondes.
- [puts his hand over the mouthpiece]
- Pepi Katona: Now, watch this!
- [lifts his hand]
- Pepi Katona: You wouldn't like to speak, by any chance, to Mr. Vadas?
- [laughs, then hangs up]
- Pepi Katona: That got her. Draw your own conclusions.
- [Alfred Kralik has just been called into his supervisor's office]
- Alfred Kralik: Yes, Mr. Matuschek
- Hugo Matuschek: Eh, close the door. Kralik, why did you put me in that situation, in front of the whole shop?
- Alfred Kralik: Well, I'm very sorry, sir... but it was not my fault.
- Hugo Matuschek: Well whose fault was it? Mine?
- Alfred Kralik: Well... yes.
- Klara Novak (Miss Novak): Mr. Kralik, are you still here? Are you deliberately trying to spoil my evening? Why do you want to do me harm? Why do you hate me so?
- Alfred Kralik: I don't hate you.
- Klara Novak (Miss Novak): Oh, I suppose you love me.
- Alfred Kralik: No, why should I? What have you done to make me love you?
- Klara Novak (Miss Novak): Well I don't want you to love me!
- Alfred Kralik: I don't!
- Alfred Kralik: Now if I were a girl and had to choose between a young good-for-nothing with plenty of hair and a good, solid, mature citizen, I'd pick Mathias Popkin every time.
- Alfred Kralik: Well, after a while we got on the subject of love. Naturally on a very cultural level.
- Pirovitch: Well, what else can you do in a letter?
- Alfred Kralik: Well, that's very nicely put. Yes, comparing my intellect with a cigarette lighter that doesn't work. That's a very interesting mixture of... poetry and meanness.
- Alfred Kralik: Now let me tell you something, Miss Novak: You may have very beautiful thoughts, but you certainly hide them. As far as your actions are concerned, you're cold and snippy like an old maid. And you're gonna have a tough time getting a man to fall in love with you.
- Klara Novak (Miss Novak): I, an old maid? So, no man could fall in love with me. Really, Mr. Kralik you're getting funnier every minute. Why, I could show you letters that would open your eyes. No, I guess not, you probably wouldn't understand what's in them. They're written by a type of man so far superior to you that it isn't even funny. Ha! I have to laugh when I think of you calling me an old maid. You! You little insignificant clerk.
- Klara Novak (Miss Novak): Do you mind if I tell you something?
- Alfred Kralik: No, not at all.
- Klara Novak (Miss Novak): Well, when I first came to work here, something very strange happened to me. I got psychologically mixed up.
- Alfred Kralik: You don't say.
- Klara Novak (Miss Novak): Yes. I found myself looking at you again and again. I just couldn't take my eyes off you.
- Alfred Kralik: Oh.
- Klara Novak (Miss Novak): Mmhmm. And all the time I kept saying to myself, "Klara Novak, what on Earth is the matter with you? This Kralik is not a particularly attractive type of man." I hope you don't mind.
- Alfred Kralik: No, not at all.
- Klara Novak (Miss Novak): Now here comes the paradox. I found myself falling for you!
- Alfred Kralik: I can't believe it.
- Klara Novak (Miss Novak): Yes, Mr. Kralik, and very much so!
- Alfred Kralik: You certainly didn't show it.
- Klara Novak (Miss Novak): Listen, in those first few weeks... Well, I hope you don't misconstrue what I'm going to say to you. After all, I'm very happily engaged. At least it looks that way.
- Alfred Kralik: Yes, well go on.
- Klara Novak (Miss Novak): Oh, in those first few weeks, there were moments in the stock room when you could have swept me off my feet.
- Alfred Kralik: [pause] Now I'M getting psychologically mixed up.
- Alfred Kralik: But I have troubles of my own without your blouse coming between Mr. Matuschek and me.
- Pirovitch: Kralik, you're not going?
- Alfred Kralik: No, I couldn't face her tonight. See, this morning I had a position, a future. No, no. I'm afraid I sort of exaggerated in my letters. I showed off a little. She's expecting to meet a pretty important man. Well, I'm in no mood to act important tonight.
- Klara Novak (Miss Novak): It's my fault anyway that you got into this trouble. Please believe me, I'm sorry, too.
- Alfred Kralik: That's all right.
- Klara Novak (Miss Novak): It's true we didn't get along.
- Alfred Kralik: No.
- Klara Novak (Miss Novak): I guess we fought a lot. But losing a job at a time like this is something you don't wish...
- Alfred Kralik: On your worst enemy.
- Klara Novak (Miss Novak): I didn't say that, Mr. Kralik.
- Alfred Kralik: Well, let's not quarrel anymore.
- Hugo Matuschek: Mr. Kralik, l've been thinking all day about what you said this morning.
- Alfred Kralik: I'm very sorry, Mr. Matuschek. I'm afraid I lost my temper.
- Hugo Matuschek: Oh no no no, I think you were right. I... I really believe that you'd be happier somewhere else.
- Alfred Kralik: [pausing, dumbfounded] Do you think so, sir?
- Hugo Matuschek: Yes, I'm sure of it.
- Alfred Kralik: Well, I... guess there's nothing more to be said.
- Hugo Matuschek: No.
- Hugo Matuschek: I don't know what the difficulty is, but I can assure you, madam, that the word "impossible" is not in the vocabulary of Matuschek and Company.
- Klara Novak (Miss Novak): I'm so happy to hear you say that.
- Hugo Matuschek: Yes, and I mean it.
- Klara Novak (Miss Novak): Mr. Matuschek?
- Hugo Matuschek: Yes, madam?
- Klara Novak (Miss Novak): I was at Blasek and Company...
- Hugo Matuschek: Oh, madam, I'm sure you'll find much nicer things in my shop.
- Klara Novak (Miss Novak): Oh no, I mean I worked there. I'm looking for a job.
- Hugo Matuschek: Oh no, no, that's impossible! It's out of the question!
- Klara Novak (Miss Novak): Mr. Kralik, it's true we're in the same room, but we're not in the same planet.
- Alfred Kralik: Why Miss Novak, although I'm the victim of your remark, I can't help admiring the exquisite way you have of expressing yourself. You certainly know how to put a man in his planet.
- Alfred Kralik: You know, Christmas is coming soon and we're certainly going to miss a good, little worker like you in the shop. So, you better get well.
- Klara Novak (Miss Novak): I'm sure I'll be alright in a day or two.
- Alfred Kralik: But that doesn't mean that you should neglect yourself. Now, I - I'm very serious about this... because, I - I feel more or less responsible for the whole thing.
- Klara Novak (Miss Novak): You?
- Alfred Kralik: Yes, I...
- Klara Novak (Miss Novak): Oh, no, Mr. Kralik. Oh, no. I think I can relieve your mind, it wasn't your fault at all. No, there's a much bigger reason, unfortunately.
- Alfred Kralik: Well, don't you think you oughta call a doctor?
- Klara Novak (Miss Novak): No, I don't need to see a doctor. No, my trouble is what one might call... psychological.
- Alfred Kralik: Oh. Uh-huh.
- Klara Novak (Miss Novak): Well, it's my own personal problem and I'll come out of it.
- Alfred Kralik: Oh, I'm sorry. It's... it's a shame you have to go through all this. Of course, as long as it's only psychological, you won't...
- Klara Novak (Miss Novak): Only psychological! Mt. Kralik, it's true we're in the same room but we're not in the same planet.