- Mr. Grover: What experience have you had at a department store?
- Wolf J. Flywheel: I was a shoplifter for three years.
- Wolf J. Flywheel: [referring to an evening gown] This is a bright red dress, but Technicolor is sooo expensive.
- Henry's Wife: [to Flywheel lying on a bed] Can you tell me the price of this bed?
- Wolf J. Flywheel: $8,000.
- Henry's Wife: Why that's preposterous! I can get the same bed anywhere in town for $25.
- Wolf J. Flywheel: Yes, but not with me in it!
- [Wolf is about to propose to Martha]
- Wolf J. Flywheel: Martha, dear, there are many bonds that will hold us together through eternity.
- Martha Phelps: Really, Wolf? What are they?
- Wolf J. Flywheel: Your government bonds, your savings bonds, your liberty bonds.
- Wolf J. Flywheel: So, you didn't think I was a real detective, eh?
- Mr. Grover: Aw, if you're a detective, I'm a monkey's uncle.
- Wolf J. Flywheel: Keep your family out of this!
- Mr. Grover: If Ms. Phelps were not my fiancée, I would turn in my resignation and walk out of this store for good!
- Martha Phelps: Oh no, no...
- Wolf J. Flywheel: Fiancée?
- Martha Phelps: Yes.
- Wolf J. Flywheel: You mean a woman of your culture and money and beauty and money and wealth and money would, would marry that imposter?
- Ravelli: I take-a your picture. Hey! Look at me and laugh.
- Wolf J. Flywheel: I've been doing that for 20 years.
- Martha Phelps: Tell me, Wolfie dear, will we have a beautiful home?
- Wolf J. Flywheel: Of course. You're not planning on moving, are you?
- Martha Phelps: No, but, uh, I'm afraid after we're married awhile, a beautiful young girl will come along, and, uh, you'll forget all about me.
- Wolf J. Flywheel: Don't be silly. I'll write you twice a week.
- Wolf J. Flywheel: [Flywheel lying in a bed in The Big Store, when Guiseppi, his wife, and their 12 children surround the bed. Flywheel sits up] What other hobbies have you got?
- Guiseppi: Eh, we like-a to see something different in a bed.
- Wolf J. Flywheel: You would? Just press that button over by the davenport.
- Guiseppi: Where is the davenport?
- Wolf J. Flywheel: It's in Iowa.
- Wolf J. Flywheel: [Flywheel has mistaken the Hastings brothers for the killers and handcuffed them] There you are. I give you the killers.
- Tommy Rogers: Why, it's the Hastings brothers, the men who are going to buy the store.
- Wolf J. Flywheel: Gentlemen, I'm terribly sorry, but it's really not my fault. You certainly do look like crooks.
- Martha Phelps: Whew! It's warm in here.
- Wolf J. Flywheel: Funny, I don't feel it.
- Martha Phelps: Well, I do.
- Wolf J. Flywheel: [Speaking on an "intercom"] Winthop, have the janitor come up and break a window.
- Wolf J. Flywheel: Miss Phelps, I'm turning down all offers to take your case. After all, you're a woman. You are a woman, aren't you?
- Martha Phelps: Tell me, what would you want to handle this case for me?
- Wolf J. Flywheel: Twenty thousand dollars.
- Martha Phelps: Don't you think that's too much?
- Wolf J. Flywheel: Of course it is, only a cheap chiseler would ask that much.
- Martha Phelps: I was prepared to pay five hundred dollars.
- Wolf J. Flywheel: Hardly enough. Eh, I'm prepared to take it. Shall we bind the deal with a kiss? Or, five dollars in cash? You lose either way.
- Mr. Grover: What is this man? A detective? A floorwalker? Or, a poet?
- Wolf J. Flywheel: All three. And not bad at making love. Eh, Martha?
- [Tickles Martha's chin]
- Wolf J. Flywheel: Woo-hoo!
- Wolf J. Flywheel: Hey, what's the difficulty here?
- Guiseppi: Look, I no get excited like-a my wife; but, I come in here with twelve-a kids and now there only six. What happened my six kids?
- Wolf J. Flywheel: What are their draft numbers?
- Guiseppi: Look-a there only six-a kids and I know I gotta twelve-a kids!
- Wolf J. Flywheel: Twelve kids, eh? How much you make a week?
- Guiseppi: Eh, eh, twenty-five dollars.
- Wolf J. Flywheel: You can't afford to have twelve kids!
- Guiseppi: No tell me what I can ford! The only thing I know-a is, I gotta twelve-a kids and now there only six!
- Wolf J. Flywheel: My good man, statistics prove it costs five dollars a week to provide for a child. Twelve times five is sixty dollars. You only make twenty-five dollars a week! Its economically impossible for you to have twelve children!
- Tommy Rogers: We can have a party, just like they do in Hollywood.
- Ravelli: That's-a fine! Let there be wine!
- Wolf J. Flywheel: And women!
- Ravelli: And song!
- Wolf J. Flywheel: And women!
- Ravelli: And caviar!
- Wolf J. Flywheel: And women!
- Ravelli: And more women!
- Ravelli: Hey, Wacky, I gotta good idea. Why don't-a you and me go play for the party? Eh, look how your dressed? You look-a terrible. It's-a whole bunch-a high class-a people there and you are dressed like a scared scarecrow. Well, it's-a too too bad. They wouldn't let you in dressed that way. Goodbye, Wacky.
- Martha Phelps: Where did you ever learn to write such beautiful poetry?
- Wolf J. Flywheel: I worked 5 years for Burma Shave.