- Mila Malou - la maîtresse tapageuse de Wens: [Being arrested in police station] Call my friend.
- Police officer: I don't give a damn.
- Mila Malou - la maîtresse tapageuse de Wens: But my friend is...
- Police officer: Even if he's the Pope!
- Mila Malou - la maîtresse tapageuse de Wens: I don't sleep with the Pope! I'm a God-fearing, decent girl.
- Mila Malou - la maîtresse tapageuse de Wens: Come on, tell me where you're going.
- L'inspecteur Wenceslas Wens: You fool, I'm investigating!
- Mila Malou - la maîtresse tapageuse de Wens: You found a lead?
- L'inspecteur Wenceslas Wens: I hope so.
- Mila Malou - la maîtresse tapageuse de Wens: You're so clever. My sweetheart has a lead.
- L'inspecteur Wenceslas Wens: Bye, Mila.
- Mila Malou - la maîtresse tapageuse de Wens: Will you be in danger?
- L'inspecteur Wenceslas Wens: No, no!
- Mila Malou - la maîtresse tapageuse de Wens: You're so brave! I love you so. Will you think of me when you're dead?
- L'inspecteur Wenceslas Wens: Yes.
- Mila Malou - la maîtresse tapageuse de Wens: Your last thought should be of me, because I've always loved you. Up there, you won't find another who'd make you toast and coffee like me.
- L'inspecteur Wenceslas Wens: Don't fret. Good bye, dear.
- Mila Malou - la maîtresse tapageuse de Wens: Good bye, my love.
- [pause]
- Mila Malou - la maîtresse tapageuse de Wens: Did you leave a will?
- Alfred, l'ivrogne: Generally, drinking is bad. Intoxicates you and makes you burp. But, exceptionally, it's good. It cheers you up and purifies the kidneys. Especially Muscadet. Am I right?
- Mila Malou - la maîtresse tapageuse de Wens: I'll pop your blackheads to cheer you up.
- L'inspecteur Wenceslas Wens: Leave me alone.
- Mila Malou - la maîtresse tapageuse de Wens: Just one.
- L'inspecteur Wenceslas Wens: Leave me alone!
- Mila Malou - la maîtresse tapageuse de Wens: You're covered in them.
- [She begins squeezing various places on his face]
- Mila Malou - la maîtresse tapageuse de Wens: They'll get big and leave pocks. I don't think Mr. Durand lives there.
- L'inspecteur Wenceslas Wens: He must! Non one had entered or left when Miss Cut was murdered. That hurts!
- Mila Malou - la maîtresse tapageuse de Wens: Hold still. It's like vermicelli.
- L'inspecteur Wenceslas Wens: You're disgusting.
- Christiane Perret, la poule: Going out alone?
- Alfred, l'ivrogne: Want to be my nanny?
- Christiane Perret, la poule: [Pulling back sweater] I'm well-equipped.
- Alfred, l'ivrogne: Well, I've been weaned.
- [walks out alone]
- Mila Malou - la maîtresse tapageuse de Wens: [Door buzzer sounds] Get the door.
- L'inspecteur Wenceslas Wens: Where's the maid?
- Mila Malou - la maîtresse tapageuse de Wens: I fired her. We had an argument.
- L'inspecteur Wenceslas Wens: You argued?
- Mila Malou - la maîtresse tapageuse de Wens: She said I was a pain in the neck.
- L'inspecteur Wenceslas Wens: [pause] Some truths are best left unsaid.
- Mila Malou - la maîtresse tapageuse de Wens: Sergeant, I must say I adore Paris policemen. They're sweet. But not these two! They're like vultures. They can't catch real crooks, so they pounce on poor little me. I didn't do anything!
- Mila Malou - la maîtresse tapageuse de Wens: I'm after Mr. Durand. I'm like St. Genevieve, defending Paris from Attila the Hun.
- Mila Malou - la maîtresse tapageuse de Wens: What do they have? Oh, I see. You dirty old man! You're barking up the wrong tree. The casting couch isn't one of my talents!
- Mila Malou - la maîtresse tapageuse de Wens: You can't arrest me! I'm a singer! What if I catch a cold? My voice! I'll be a laughingstock if this gets out! Don't do this, I'm begging you!
- L'inspecteur Wenceslas Wens: You had a mustache then.
- Jean-Baptiste Turlot: Suited me, didn't it? Shaved it off for a blonde - and she wasn't even a real blonde.
- L'inspecteur Wenceslas Wens: Women!
- L'inspecteur Wenceslas Wens: You trust me that much?
- Jean-Baptiste Turlot: Like I'd trust my sister. Like her, you love your work.
- L'inspecteur Wenceslas Wens: What does she do?
- Jean-Baptiste Turlot: She runs a whorehouse in Clermont.
- Jean-Baptiste Turlot: I know where he lives, but not who he is. It's a boardinghouse on Junot Avenue, "The Mimosas." That's where the murderer lives - at number 21.
- Mila Malou - la maîtresse tapageuse de Wens: [singing] My heart pounds and pounds, And I don't know why, And I don't know why, And I don't know - wwwwwwwwwwwhy!
- Monsieur Colin: Lalah-Poor, he's a complete mystery. He hasn't done a show in months. So what does he live on? It's a mystery and a nasty one, I bet! Some say he has a "special arrangement" with Mrs. Point. I don't know. But I do know Mrs. Point. She may enjoy a good time, but she prefers cold cash.
- Madame Point: Stop whistling. You'd think this was a whorehouse. I run a respectable boardinghouse, so keep quiet!
- Monsieur Colin: No new lodgers recently.
- Mademoiselle Cuq: Pity, I love new housemates.
- Docteur Théodore Linz: Because you always think, "I might have a chance!"
- Mademoiselle Cuq: Doctor, I ignore your meaning. I'm a real maiden.
- Docteur Théodore Linz: No real maiden would spend an hour in the bathroom.
- Mademoiselle Cuq: How do you know? By spying on them like you spy on me?
- Docteur Théodore Linz: Are you accusing me of peeking through keyholes?
- Mademoiselle Cuq: Maybe.
- Docteur Théodore Linz: You're wrong! I've never been interested in ancient ruins.
- Mademoiselle Cuq: Poor girl, how you must've suffered. You can't count on men. Take it from me.
- Mila Malou - la maîtresse tapageuse de Wens: You should know.
- Mademoiselle Cuq: Me?
- Mila Malou - la maîtresse tapageuse de Wens: Your goose is cooked. I'm yet to be plucked.
- Mila Malou - la maîtresse tapageuse de Wens: Who ever heard of a man drinking blood, except among savages?
- Mademoiselle Cuq: Publishers have always rejected my work. I've found a way to change that.
- Docteur Théodore Linz: You're giving up writing?
- L'inspecteur Wenceslas Wens: That's a lovely robe.
- Mademoiselle Vania: Silly man! It's a negligee.
- L'inspecteur Wenceslas Wens: I'm no expert. Mila wears flannel nightgowns.
- Mademoiselle Vania: Lucky you.
- Mila Malou - la maîtresse tapageuse de Wens: That leaves Mrs. Point.
- L'inspecteur Wenceslas Wens: A woman didn't do that.
- Mila Malou - la maîtresse tapageuse de Wens: Maybe she's a man. She's so fat, who knows?
- L'inspecteur Wenceslas Wens: Hardly!
- Mila Malou - la maîtresse tapageuse de Wens: Anything's possible. If I were you, I'd have her strip. I'd say, "Show us!" and get that settled.
- L'inspecteur Wenceslas Wens: I'm surprised you wear such elaborate lingerie.
- Mademoiselle Vania: I know, it seems odd for a nurse. But you see, when you wear a uniform all day, your hair is pulled tight in a bun, it's nice to feel like a woman again, with satin against my skin.
- L'inspecteur Wenceslas Wens: Cover up or you'll catch a head cold.
- Mademoiselle Vania: From bare thighs?
- L'inspecteur Wenceslas Wens: Depends on where your mind is.
- Mila Malou - la maîtresse tapageuse de Wens: I don't trust doormen. We had one at school. He'd ogle us every morning. We later found out he was a sex maniac.
- Triquet, aka professeur Lalah-Poor: Come in. Don't be afraid. The press is always welcome. Art needs publicity, right? What do you want to know? The secret of the Hindu tomb? The mystery of the talking skull?
- Mademoiselle Vania: Leaving so soon?
- L'inspecteur Wenceslas Wens: I'd only disappoint you if I stayed.
- L'inspecteur Wenceslas Wens: Isn't he your lover?
- Mademoiselle Vania: I took pity on him a few times.
- L'inspecteur Wenceslas Wens: Take off your robe! Go on. Go on. Now your pajamas. Your bottoms. Your socks too.
- L'inspecteur Wenceslas Wens: You slept with him.
- Mademoiselle Vania: Maybe once. A quick fling.
- L'inspecteur Wenceslas Wens: Why?
- Mademoiselle Vania: I got bored. I'm always waiting for something.
- Mila Malou - la maîtresse tapageuse de Wens: An impresario is a wonderful profession. You cultivate talent like a gardener, a pile of manure warming tender shoots.
- L'impresario: Thanks.
- Mila Malou - la maîtresse tapageuse de Wens: I'm like a vine, reaching for the sky. I need support.
- L'impresario: Sure.
- Mila Malou - la maîtresse tapageuse de Wens: You could say I'm America before Columbus. I'm waiting.
- L'impresario: For what?
- Mila Malou - la maîtresse tapageuse de Wens: To be discovered, Christopher.
- L'inspecteur Wenceslas Wens: Where are my pajamas? I'll sleep naked.
- Mila Malou - la maîtresse tapageuse de Wens: Ah, so that's it! There's another woman.
- L'inspecteur Wenceslas Wens: You've caught me.
- Mila Malou - la maîtresse tapageuse de Wens: Then no soap, no toothbrush.
- L'inspecteur Wenceslas Wens: I don't care.
- Mila Malou - la maîtresse tapageuse de Wens: Naturally. You won't wash, neither will the lady. She must be a real pig. Just your type.
- L'inspecteur Wenceslas Wens: Listen, Mila. Why are you being so mean?
- Mila Malou - la maîtresse tapageuse de Wens: Because I love you!