- Mr. Lindquist: The Golden Crown in the Old Town? No, the Golden Crown wouldn't do.
- Andrew Craig: Why not?
- Mr. Lindquist: Too many young girls with wrong ideas.
- Andrew Craig: Awful.
- Mr. Lindquist: Yes.
- Andrew Craig: I'm glad you warned me.
- Mr. Lindquist: I better write it down for you so you'll remember to forget it.
- Inger Lisa Andersen: Mr. Craig, I hope you'll forgive me, but, in matters of sex, compared to the average Scandinavian you would be considered a mere amateur.
- Andrew Craig: Miss Andersen, will you marry me?
- Inger Lisa Andersen: We have a saying in Sweden. Why settle for one dish when there's smorgasbord?
- Andrew Craig: You also mix a very civilized martini.
- Stewardess: Perhaps one too many for such a short flight?
- Andrew Craig: Never deny a man his right to be unconscious.
- Andrew Craig: Watching you walk up and down that aisle tonight, I feel as though I've known your legs all my life.
- Stewardess: Now you behave yourself in Stockholm.
- Andrew Craig: Silly girl.
- Andrew Craig: [seeing Daranyi pull a switchblade knife on him] Oh, c'mon, Daranyi; just because I wouldn't eat one of your damned canapes?
- Andrew Craig: Tell me, what do people around here do at night?
- Mr. Lindquist: Well, we have the Royal Opera, the Royal Dramatic Theater...
- Andrew Craig: No. No-no-no. Something a tiny bit more vulgar than that? You know, dancing, music and beverages with a slight alcoholic content?
- Mr. Lindquist: I see.
- Andrew Craig: A little local color floating about?
- Mr. Lindquist: Local color?
- Andrew Craig: Always adds interest to a place.
- Andrew Craig: How old are you?
- Emily Stratman: Why?
- Andrew Craig: Well, I don't know. I mean, most of the girls in this place are as - you look as though you ought to be in bed.
- Emily Stratman: I accept.
- Inger Lisa Andersen: I find honesty irresistible in a man.
- Andrew Craig: Stick around.
- Inger Lisa Andersen: What are you planning to do?
- Andrew Craig: Be irresistible.
- Andrew Craig: I don't want you to think that I am terribly rude, but, something urgent has come up and I'm going to have to leave right away.
- Dr. Denise Marceau: Oh, what's her name?
- Andrew Craig: Probably, Miss Wild Goosechase. Will you forgive me?
- Dr. Denise Marceau: Never! And I'm going to make you pay for it tonight.
- Speaker at Nudist Meeting: Clothing does more than keep out the sun and air. It makes the human anatomy accessibly mysterious, giving rise to improper thoughts.
- Andrew Craig: Hypocrisy! Hypocrisy! Lies, lies, lies! I wish to be heard. Now, listen to me, all of you. I'm speaking as an American citizen and as a non-nudist...
- Nudist: Throw him out, Mr. Norberg!
- Andrew Craig: Temporarily caught with his pants down. But, eh, don't listen to Mr. Norberg, there, because he's playing the skin game! While you're sitting here in the altogether, your clothing lies back there in the lorckerrooms at the mercy of professional thieves! Mr. Norberg's stealing the shirt off your backs and that's the naked truth!
- Inger Lisa Andersen: How could you do this to me?
- Andrew Craig: You deserve it.
- Inger Lisa Andersen: I've been beside myself all night.
- Andrew Craig: I wish I could be beside yourself all night.
- Inger Lisa Andersen: [admiring Andrew's robe] Pretty.
- Andrew Craig: It's not mine. It's Claude Marceau's. His wife gave it to me. Well, I was naked. What else could she do?
- Inger Lisa Andersen: And what was she wearing?
- Andrew Craig: Oh, sort of an off the shoulder smile.
- Andrew Craig: It's all your fault. You should have stayed with me last night.
- Inger Lisa Andersen: All your fault. You didn't insist.
- Count Bertil Jacobsson: When will I stop worrying? Soon enough, I suppose. The only advantage of being 79.
- Andrew Craig: You speak very good English for a non-drinker, Miss?
- Emily Stratman: Greta Garbo.
- Andrew Craig: Hmm. Mind if I call you Ingrid?
- Emily Stratman: Not at all.
- American TV News Correspondent: In chemistry, the prize went to the French husband and wife team, Dr. Claude Marceau and Dr. Denise Marceau. They achieved the Prize for their research into sperm structure and the vitrification of human reproductive cells.
- Dr. Max Stratman: Tomorrow, perhaps, some schnapps and conversation? Ya?
- Andrew Craig: If you promise not to spank me.
- Dr. Max Stratman: I make no promises.
- Andrew Craig: I'm going straight to sleep. You wouldn't care to help me turn down my bedcovers would you?
- Inger Lisa Andersen: I'm afraid I have no skill as a chamber maid.
- Andrew Craig: Nobody's perfect.
- Andrew Craig: I was only looking. If you don't want people to look, just cover her with a burlap bag or something.
- Andrew Craig: My name is Smith. I'm an American tourist and I am slightly tiddly.
- Emily Stratman: I never would have guessed.
- Andrew Craig: Hey, shall I give you my money now or would you rather roll me later?
- Emily Stratman: Why don't we get out of this crowded place.
- Andrew Craig: What's the matter? Don't you like crowds?
- Emily Stratman: Well, there are some things that should only be done in - private.
- Andrew Craig: Say, are we really going were I think we're going?
- Emily Stratman: To your hotel, of course.
- Andrew Craig: Oh, incredible country, Sweden.
- Emily Stratman: What's so incredible about it?
- Andrew Craig: Well, I don't know. It's so chock full of surprises.
- Emily Stratman: You think this is something? Wait till we get to the hotel.
- Emily Stratman: Where can we talk?
- Andrew Craig: There must be a bar somewhere in the hotel.
- Emily Stratman: Well, if there isn't, you'll invent it.
- Inger Lisa Andersen: Now, can I trust you, alone, until six thirty?
- Andrew Craig: Yes. I'll be soaking in a hot tub trying to defrost. What can happen to me?
- Inger Lisa Andersen: You could always go down the drain.
- Andrew Craig: Miss Andersen, will you do me a favor?
- Inger Lisa Andersen: Why, certainly.
- Andrew Craig: Before you pick me up tonight would you mind soaking in a hot tub yourself? I think you could stand a little defrosting too.
- Andrew Craig: What's the Swedish word for - enchanting?
- Inger Lisa Andersen: Förtjusande.
- Andrew Craig: And for female?
- Inger Lisa Andersen: Kvinna. Who are you planning to use Swedish with tonight?
- Andrew Craig: Who are you planning to enchant tonight?
- Andrew Craig: Why don't we have a little - drink, before we go?
- Inger Lisa Andersen: We are late. It's - it's out of the question.
- Andrew Craig: You're absolutely right.
- [takes off Inger Lisa's coat]
- Inger Lisa Andersen: What are you doing?
- Andrew Craig: Inspecting the Foreign Ministry.
- Inger Lisa Andersen: [Andrew kissing Inger Lisa's neck] I never should have listened to you.
- Andrew Craig: What did I say?
- Inger Lisa Andersen: About defrosting in the bathtub.
- Andrew Craig: Did you?
- Inger Lisa Andersen: Much too long.
- Andrew Craig: Well, I've been getting into hot water all my life.
- Emily Stratman: Meanwhile, back at the ranch, they discover we're both missing. I wonder what they'll think?
- Andrew Craig: People will say we're in love.
- Speaker at Nudist Meeting: Americans are rarely serious about nudism; but, kindly remember that you are in Sweden.
- Speaker at Nudist Meeting: If a man came upon a naked Swedish girl or a naked French woman, by accident...
- Andrew Craig: You can be sure it was no accident!
- Speaker at Nudist Meeting: She would quickly cover a certain area of her lower body with her hands. But, if she were a naked Arab woman, she would cover her face, before all else.
- Andrew Craig: Oh, yes! I've got a couple of tomatoes back home that I wish would do the same thing.
- Speaker at Nudist Meeting: I have asked you to stop!
- Andrew Craig: What? Leave that poor Arab woman with her bare face hanging out?
- Speaker at Nudist Meeting: If a man were to surprise a naked Chinese woman, she would try to hide her feet. A Ceylonese woman would cover her knees. A Samoan girl, her navel.
- Speaker at Nudist Meeting: Under international nudism, every part of the body would be revealed.
- Andrew Craig: What about elbows?
- Speaker at Nudist Meeting: A person would have to cover nothing, for there would be nothing to fear.
- Andrew Craig: A question? Question?
- Speaker at Nudist Meeting: And the consequence would be a generally higher standard of morality all around.
- Andrew Craig: Mr. Speaker, I demand to know your position on the question of naked elbows!
- Andrew Craig: Not so fast. I just want to thank you for everything, especially last night. You've been such a lovely little peach.