How to Steal a Million (1966)
Audrey Hepburn: Nicole Bonnet
Photos
Quotes
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[Nicole describes the burglar to her Papa]
Nicole Bonnet : Well, it was pitch dark and there he was. Tall, blue eyes, slim, quite good-looking... in a brutal, mean way, Papa. A terrible man!
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Nicole Bonnet : Your arm is much better.
Simon Dermott : Oh no no, it hurts, it hurts.
Nicole Bonnet : It's the other arm.
Simon Dermott : The infection is spreading.
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Nicole Bonnet : I can't drive a stolen car!
Simon Dermott : Same principle, four gears forward, one reverse.
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Simon Dermott : Why must it be this particular work of art?
Nicole Bonnet : You don't think I'd steal something that didn't belong to me, do you?
Simon Dermott : Excuse me, I spoke without thinking.
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Simon Dermott : We can leave with the others and have a quiet dinner, or we stay. Then we're committed to go through with it. Do you really want it that much?
Nicole Bonnet : More!
Simon Dermott : Okay, you're the boss. Just do as I tell you.
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Nicole Bonnet : I didn't want to keep you waiting, so I got engaged to him. Is it alright? Am I on time?
Simon Dermott : Perfectly. In fact, we have ten more minutes, so if you want to go back and marry him?
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[Evaluating Nicole's cleaning-woman costume]
Simon Dermott : Yes, that's fine. That does it.
Nicole Bonnet : Does what?
Simon Dermott : Well, for one thing, it gives Givenchy a night off.
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Nicole Bonnet : I feel like I'm going to faint!
Simon Dermott : Don't, there's no room.
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Nicole Bonnet : I keep telling you, Papa, when you sell a fake masterpiece, that is a crime!
Charles Bonnet : But I don't sell them to poor people, only to millionaires.
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Simon Dermott : Where precisely were you in the early part of the sixteenth century?
Nicole Bonnet : I don't know but that's not how I was dressed.
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Simon Dermott : There's the bathroom, take off your clothes.
Nicole Bonnet : Are we planning the same sort of crime?
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Nicole Bonnet : Marvelous.
Simon Dermott : No applause, please. Wait till you see what I do for an encore.
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Charles Bonnet : This tall, good-looking ruffian with blue eyes, he didn't, er, molest you in any way, did he?
[Nicole is staring off dreamily]
Charles Bonnet : Well, did he?
Nicole Bonnet : Not much.
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Nicole Bonnet : For a burglar you're not very brave, are you?
Simon Dermott : I'm a society burglar. I don't expect people to rush about shooting me!
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Simon Dermott : [about to see Nicole to a taxi] Just one more tiny favour: like an idiot I forgot to wear gloves on the job. I may have left some fingerprints. Be an angel. Before you go to bed, just give the frame of the painting a little wipe with a clean cloth, ok?
Nicole Bonnet : Certainly. Anything else? You wouldn't like a forged passport or some counterfeit money or...
Simon Dermott : Oh, no no no.
Nicole Bonnet : You're mad. Utterly mad. I suppose you want to kiss me goodnight?
Simon Dermott : Oh, I don't usually, not on the first acquaintance, but you've been such a good sport...
[he kisses her, she resists at first, than yields]
Simon Dermott : [to the taxi driver] 38, Rue Parmentier, drive carefully.
[to Nicole]
Simon Dermott : Get a good night's sleep.
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Nicole Bonnet : Don't be such a baby, it's only a flesh wound!
Simon Dermott : Happens to be my flesh.
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Charles Bonnet : I doubt very much if Van Gogh himself would have gone through so much trouble.
Nicole Bonnet : He didn't have to. He was Van Gogh!
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Nicole Bonnet : [seeing Simon eye the Venus] You wouldn't dare!
Simon Dermott : Fear not. I'm off duty.
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Simon Dermott : [crazy Senor Paravideo comes as Nicole and Simon are leaving] Who's that?
Nicole Bonnet : [obviously lying] Papa's cousin... from South America!
Simon Dermott : You know for someone who started lying recently, you're showing a real flair!
Nicole Bonnet : Oh thank you!
[she hugs him]
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Charles Bonnet : What have I done? I've given the world a precious opportunity of studying and viewing the Cellini Venus.
Nicole Bonnet : Which is not by Cellini!
Charles Bonnet : Ahh, labels, labels. It's working with the Americans that's given you this obsession with labels and brand names. I wish you'd give up that ridiculous job.
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Nicole Bonnet : All right, where to?
Simon Dermott : The Ritz.
Nicole Bonnet : The what?
Simon Dermott : The Hotel Ritz. It's in the Place Vendôme.
Nicole Bonnet : I know where it is. You're a very chic burglar.
Simon Dermott : [nodding his head in a agreement] Mmmhmmm.
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Nicole Bonnet : You really are the smuggest and most hateful man.
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Simon Dermott : Look, it's early, why don't I show you the real Paris?
Nicole Bonnet : That's very kind of you, but I live here; I was born in Paris.
Simon Dermott : Oh, that's right, I forgot. Well why don't you show me the real Paris.
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Simon Dermott : [regarding the Venus] It's a fake, isn't it?
Nicole Bonnet : I...
Simon Dermott : No long drawn out stories at this time of night. Just simply nod your head yes or no.
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Simon Dermott : There's the bathroom. Take off your clothes.
Nicole Bonnet : Are we planning the same sort of crime?
Simon Dermott : You're quite safe. It's dress rehearsal time. That's why we bought all this lovely junk.
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Nicole Bonnet : He locked the door. He's locked us in!
Simon Dermott : It's challenging, I admit, but doesn't that make it more interesting?
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Nicole Bonnet : Now where are we going?
Simon Dermott : My apartment.
Nicole Bonnet : I'd like to remind you, Mr. Dermott, ours is a business relationship.
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Nicole Bonnet : A lovely dinner. Marvelous wine. How did you know how to choose it?
Davis Leland : I own a vineyard.
Nicole Bonnet : Well, what fun!
Davis Leland : It's a subsidiary of Eastern Coal and Coke.
Nicole Bonnet : Eastern Coal and Coke?
Davis Leland : That's a subsidiary of Western Wool and Flax.
Nicole Bonnet : Fascinating. What's your growth factor?
Davis Leland : Say! You're marvelous. You're wonderful. You know, usually I have trouble talking with girls, but with you, it's as though you were a member of the Board.
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Charles Bonnet : Didn't he tell you that he's got the great Toulouse-Lautrec from the Bonnet collection?
Nicole Bonnet : Your Lautrec or Lautrec's Lautrec?
Charles Bonnet : Mine, naturally.
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Simon Dermott : Comfy?
Nicole Bonnet : I hadn't counted on there being quite so much togetherness.
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Davis Leland : Made up my mind. Man of action! Snap judgment. I bought a fleet of tankers that way once. One of the best deals I ever made.
Nicole Bonnet : But I'm not a fleet of tankers and I'm not getting engaged to a man I barely know.
Davis Leland : Well, you'll get to know me. Look me up in Who's Who, Dun & Bradstreet.
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Nicole Bonnet : If you'll tell me what you're doing and why, I'll buy you a cowboy suit and a set of trains.
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Nicole Bonnet : Is this how you normally work, by the mile?
Simon Dermott : I'm thinking. Look at my forehead: all wrinkled!
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Nicole Bonnet : Oh dear havens. I'll call you a taxi! And pay for it is that alright!
Simon Dermott : That's fine. However, if the police find my car parked outside your house. It could mean questions. I'm wanted you know.
Nicole Bonnet : Alright, I'll drive you home, is that alright?
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Nicole Bonnet : [having just driven Simon home] Now how do I get home?
Simon Dermott : You see, you never can tell when you might need a friend.
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Nicole Bonnet : Papa, I caught a burglar!
Charles Bonnet : Of course you did!
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Nicole Bonnet : [to Davis Leland] I'm sorry you fell in love with the Venus, but she's not for sale! But believe me if she were mine she'd be on your doorstep in the morning!
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Simon Dermott : [after telling Nicole he won't help her] Oh don't you dare cry!
Nicole Bonnet : I"m not I've got something in my eye!
Simon Dermott : There's nothing wrong with your eye. You're crying to try and soften me up.
Nicole Bonnet : It's not true!
Simon Dermott : It won't work. I'm too tough!
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Simon Dermott : [asking about the statue] Who carved it?
Nicole Bonnet : My grandfather.
Simon Dermott : Who posed for it?
Nicole Bonnet : My grandmother.
Simon Dermott : Ah.
Nicole Bonnet : But you're the first one to see a resemblance.
Simon Dermott : Well I'm very sensitive and perceptive.
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Simon Dermott : I know about their so called tests.
Nicole Bonnet : Papa, they aren't so called they are!
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Simon Dermott : That thing isn't loaded is it?
Nicole Bonnet : Course it is.
[cocks the gun]
Nicole Bonnet : Are you armed?
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Nicole Bonnet : [staring to change into her disguise] Turn around.
Simon Dermott : What for?
[realizing what she means]
Simon Dermott : They go on over the clothes!
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Nicole Bonnet : Indian wrestling at a time like this?
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Nicole Bonnet : Why?
Simon Dermott : Why? You asked me why? Well, I ask you why. Why are we breaking into a heavily guarded museum to steal a precious statue which belongs to you? Why?
Nicole Bonnet : But I told you why. I mean, I told you why I couldn't tell you why.
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Charles Bonnet : We live in a crass, commercial world, with no faith or trust!
Nicole Bonnet : We must keep Prof. Bauer from examining the Venus.
Charles Bonnet : But how? I've just given my permission. I've not only put my head into the guillotine, I've unloosened my collar and tie so that they can chop it off.
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Charles Bonnet : Our Venus! Don't you feel a kind of thrilling glow in that?
Nicole Bonnet : I have chills run up and down my spine.
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Nicole Bonnet : It's very valuable. It's worth a million dollars!
Simon Dermott : I know. There are also a million policemen prowling around it. That works out to about a dollar a policeman and I don't like the rate of exchange.
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Insurance Clerk : By the way sir, would you like to be present at the technical examination?
Nicole Bonnet , Charles Bonnet : Tech-technical examination?
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Charles Bonnet : Extraordinary! Is he always so abrupt?
Nicole Bonnet : Not in a closet.
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Nicole Bonnet : You really are the smuggest and most hateful man.
Simon Dermott : If you frequent criminal circles, you can't be choosy.