- Pete Campbell: Jack, I've gotta tell you something. I've been dying to tell you about it all week.
- Jack Hill: You rode your bike for the first time without training wheels?
- Clara Campbell: Oh, your first wedding anniversary? How wonderful!
- Jill Hill: That's a matter of opinion.
- Jack Hill: [answering telephone] Ajax Funeral Parlour! You Stiff 'Em, We Stuff 'Em!
- Second Caller: Hello! Is this Jack the Twat Teaser?
- Jack Hill: Depends on whose twat is being teased.