- George: You like her, don't ya?
- Simone: Of course I like her.
- George: Yeah, but you like her in that special way. In the songs.
- Simone: What songs?
- George: Well, I've sold myself for a couple of dykes.
- Simone: She needs me George.
- George: And you needed me to get her.
- Simone: Haven't you ever needed someone?
- George: All the time.
- George: She was trapped. From the first time he met her. She was trapped. Like a bird in a cage. But he couldn't see it. He liked her, but he was the type who couldn't see what was in front of his face. And there she was, in pain. You can get soppy about someone, well, you can't see these things, and he was, soppy sod. She had faith in him. She believed in him. And he had a lot of hopes for her. And there was love. Yeah. She was in love alright. She really was. But not with him. And that's the story.
- Hotel Waiter: A Bloody Mary is it, sir?
- George: No, I'd like a pot of tea, please.
- Hotel Waiter: Earl Gray or Lapsang Souchong?
- George: No, tea.
- George: They fall in love with you? Well do they?
- Simone: Sometimes they fall for what they think I am.
- George: And what do they think you are?
- Simone: What you think. A black whore.
- George: Did I say that?
- Simone: What do you think, then?
- George: Well, you ain't no night nurse.
- Simone: No, I ain't no night nurse.
- George: Well, let's say you're a lady.
- Thomas: [shows George a plate of plastic spaghetti] What do you think?
- George: Do you melt it down and eat it?
- Thomas: No. They're ornamental.
- George: Ornamental spaghetti.
- Thomas: Yeah. Could go a bomb.
- George: Where'd you get them?
- Thomas: Contacts, George. You can't find plastic spaghetti just anywhere.
- Thomas: You can never tell with women, George. They're different. They wear skirts and like to powder their noses and when they go to heaven they get wings.
- George: Like angels?
- Thomas: Aye, like angels.
- George: Yeah, but angels are men, Thomas.
- Thomas: Men?
- George: Yeah.
- Thomas: No one told me that.
- George: lt's true, angels are men.
- Thomas: Anyway, listen: what about this tall, thin, black story?
- George: Ah... well, we got it wrong, the fella did... actually, she's a nun in disguise.
- Thomas: What kind of a nun?
- George: A Sister of Mercy. Y'know, those that wear the big white bonnets.
- Thomas: Aye, with the big thingummys on it?
- George: Yeah.
- Thomas: You didn't wear this the whole time, though?
- George: Well, she can't, can she, she's on the game, it'd look a bit funny, wouldn't it, and spoil the point of the exercise.
- Thomas: How?
- George: She wouldn't be in disguise then, would she?
- Thomas: [on reflection] Well, that's nuns for ye.
- George: Fucking cow! You fucking cow! You would have done it, wouldn't ya? You would have done it! l'm just another fucking bugger to you
- Mortwell: A woman says to her husband, "I'm leaving you." He says, "Oh please, don't leave me. I'll buy you a mink coat." She says, "I don't want one. I'm leaving you." He says, "Please don't leave me. I'll buy you a diamond necklace." She says, "I don't want one." He says, "I'll buy you a villa in the south of France." She says, "I don't want one." He says, "Well, what do you want?" She says, "I want a divorce." He says, "I wasn't thinking of spending that kind of money."
- Simone: You're as much cover as a pair of fishnet tights. l may as well be wearing a sign around my neck. All you're missing is the gold medallion.
- George: He took his time. What, did he fall asleep half way through? Well you never know with these darkies do you?