Maid Marian and Her Merry Men (1989–1994)
Tony Robinson: The Sheriff
Quotes
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The Sheriff : For goodness sake, Guy, we are trying to raise money for the Royal Arsenal.
Guy of Gisborne : Well I'm not helping! I hate football!
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Marian : [Robin's in prison, and he thinks Marian is a traitor. Marian has got the key to open the cell door and she is outside trying to save him] Robin, Robin where are you?
Robin : That's *my* business, I think.
Marian : It's me, Marian.
Robin : What do you want? Got bored canoodling with our deadly enemies, have you? Snogged so many Normans you've run out of lipsil?
Marian : What are you talking about? I've got the key! I've come to set you free!
Robin : I'd rather stay in here, thank you, Miss Traitor.
Marian : Don't be silly.
[she proceeds to open the door]
Robin : Don't touch that door! Guards! Guards! Help! There's a woman trying to set me free!
Marian : Robin, do you really want to have your head chopped off?
Robin : Yes, if it means I don't have to look at your double-crossing face again, yes, I certainly do.
[she proceeds to open the door again]
Robin : Guards, guards, quick! She's got the key in the door!
Marian : [she enters the cell] Robin, do you really want to be sliced into more pieces than a package of garlic sausage?
The Sheriff : [sneaking up from behind] Apparently, he does, my little vixen.
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The Sheriff : You're as mindlessly sentimental as an Australian soap opera.
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Gary : [as he's picking up things that can't be seen] Bye-bye! Bye-bye! Bye-bye!
The Sheriff : Gary, what are you doing?
Gary : Oh, I'm saying goodbye to the germs, sir. They're going out of the bin, and into the rubbish tip where they can make new friends in a totally different environment.
The Sheriff : So it's more of a club 18-30s than a rubbish tip, is it, Gary?
Gary : Yes, sir.
The Sheriff : Wrong!
[sprays a can of disinfectant]
The Sheriff : It's a funeral parlour! Gary, sometimes you're as stupidly sentimental as an Australian Soap Opera. Now get this place tidied up before we all die of the bubonic plague. And Graeme?
Graeme : Yes, sir?
The Sheriff : Get this old tin of paint out of here by 12 o'clock. Otherwise I'll chop you into a rather easy two-piece jigsaw.