Sister Act (1992)
Whoopi Goldberg: Deloris
Photos
Quotes
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Deloris : [prays] Bless us, oh Lord, for these Thy gifts which we are about to receive. And yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of no food, I will fear no hunger. We want you to give us this day, our daily bread. And to the republic for which it stands, and by the power invested in me, I pronounce us ready to eat. Amen.
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[at the end of her song at the Moonlight Lounge]
Deloris : Good night, ladies and gentlemen!
Michelle , Tina : [singing] Heat wave!
Deloris : You don't give a shit.
Michelle , Tina : [singing] Heat wave!
Deloris : Let's get the hell outta here.
Michelle , Tina : [singing] Heat wave!
[the song ends and only two people applaud]
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Willy : What is she doin'?
Joey : Oh, my God. She's prayin'.
Deloris : Lord, I want you to forgive Willy and Joey, because they know not what they do. They're only doin' what Vince told 'em to do, because Vince is too chicken to do it himself! So he's called upon these 2 men to take care of his business! So I want you to forgive them, Lord. Espectum, espertum, cacoomb, toutu, eplubium. Amen!
[Deloris whacks them in their crotches and darts off]
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Sister Mary Robert : I'm so nervous. What if I forget the words?
Sister Mary Clarence : You're gonna go straight to hell.
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Reverend Mother : Girl groups? Boogie-woogie on the piano? What were you thinking?
Deloris : I was thinkin' more like Vegas, y'know, get some butts in the seats.
Reverend Mother : And what next? Popcorn? Curtain calls? This is not a theater or a casino.
Deloris : Yeah, but that's the problem. See, people like going to theaters, and they like going to casinos, but they don't like coming to church. Why? Because it's a drag. But we could change all that, see? We could pack this joint.
Reverend Mother : Through blasphemy? You have corrupted the entire choir!
[in the hall, Monsignor O'Hara enters]
Monsignor O'Hara : Excuse me.
[he listens to the argument between Deloris and Reverend Mother]
Deloris : How can you say that? I worked my butt off with these women! They've given up their free time to do this, and they're good! I mean, sister, we could, we could Rock this place!
Reverend Mother : Out of the question! As of tomorrow, Mary Lazarus resumes her leadership of the choir.
[Monsignor knocks on the door]
Reverend Mother : Come in!
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Deloris : [after putting on the habit] Oh, no! No, no, no! I can't do this. I'm sorry. This is fine for covering a little bulge, but now I've got holster hips!
Reverend Mother : People wish to kill you. Anyone who's met you I imagine. A disguise is necessary to protect us all. While you are here, you will conduct yourself as a nun. Only I will know who and what you truly are. You will draw no attention to yourself whatsoever.
Deloris : But look at me! I'm a nun! I'm a - I'm a penguin!
Reverend Mother : As from now and until you leave, you are Sister Mary Clarence.
Deloris : Mary Clarence? Like Clarence Williams III from The Mod Squad?
Reverend Mother : Mary is in deference to our Holy Mother. The Clarence is in honor of Saint Clarence of Concordia. There are 3 vows every nun must accept: The vow of poverty.
Deloris : Mmm.
Reverend Mother : The vow of obedience.
Deloris : Mm-Hmm.
Reverend Mother : And the vow of chastity.
Deloris : I am outta here with that.
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Sister Mary Patrick : We did it! We actually sang a chord!
Sister Mary Clarence : Yeah. You sang a chord for two seconds. The next thing you have to do is listen to each other. That's a big key. Big key, you must listen to each other if you're going to be a group.
Sister Mary Lazarus : I knew that.
Sister Mary Clarence : Mary Lazarus, as soon as I walked through that door I knew that you knew that. Let me ask you something, you're someone in favor of hard work and discipline, right?
Sister Mary Lazarus : Of course, I'm a nun! Four popes now.
Sister Mary Clarence : Four? Wow. Let me ask you, how often do they rehearse?
Sister Mary Lazarus : Twice a week, couple hours.
Sister Mary Clarence : Not enough. I mean listen to them, they really need a lot of work.
Sister Mary Lazarus : Do you really think they could get better?
Sister Mary Clarence : I don't know, they're pretty raw.
Sister Mary Lazarus : Wet behind the ears.
Sister Mary Patrick : Oh please let us try.
Sister Mary Clarence : This is gonna be hell.
Sister Mary Lazarus : Tell me about it.
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Deloris : [at her first choir rehearsal, the choir sings a chord badly with Mary Patrick singing an octave above everyone else] Okay! Okay! Okay! Very nice!
[to Mary Patrick]
Deloris : Um, Sister, can you just slide over here, please? That's a powerful instrument you have there!
Sister Mary Patrick : Thank you.
Deloris : But I think it's probably a good idea if we bring you down out of the rafters, everybody wants to be close to God, I'm just not sure you can do it vocally, so I need you to sing an octave below where you've been singing.
Sister Mary Patrick : Okey-dokey!
Deloris : And Sister Mary Robert, can you just come, yeah, come on over. I noticed that you're moving your mouth but nothing's coming out so I'd like to hear just you by yourself if you don't mind. Sister Alma, can you give me an A please?
[pause]
Deloris : ALMA! Check your battery. Can you give me an A please.
[Mary Robert sings in a whisper]
Deloris : Okay, try this. Close your eyes. Visualize yourself in room full of people, lots of silverware, people talking loud, dropping stuff, drunks, women with trays going 'whadda ya gonna have?'. Your voice has to carry across the din, you have to get up over all of that to be heard in the back of the room where I'm sitting, listening, straining to hear you. Okay? Keep that in your mind while we do this.
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Sister Mary Clarence : I can't leave, they need me.
Eddie : A bunch of nuns? What for? Relationship guidance? Make up tips?
Sister Mary Clarence : You listen to me. We are talking about the Pope. This means a great deal to them and they have worked very hard for this and they deserve it.
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Deloris : Don't worry, we will always be together.
Mary Lazarus : That's what Diana Ross said.
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Deloris : Are you looking for me?
Eddie : How come I saw you on TV?
Deloris : That was not my fault, these people just showed up, but it's been really good for the convent.
Eddie : Listen to yourself! This is not a career move!
Deloris : You don't have to tell me that. This would not be the place to begin a career.
Eddie : You're supposed to be hiding out. Bullets flying through the air at you? Sound familiar?
Deloris : Yes, but I can't talk about it now because I have a show in 5 minutes.
Eddie : Just promise me I won't see you on the Letterman Show.
Deloris : Okay.
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Sister Mary Patrick : Oh, I'm so excited. I can't wait till Sunday when we sing.
Sister Mary Robert : I'd rather sing than do anything.
Sister Mary Patrick : It's better than ice cream!
Sister Mary Robert : It's better than springtime!
Deloris : It's better than sex! No, no - I've heard.
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Eddie : Nice church, huh?
Deloris : Yes, very nice. Look, what am I gonna be? Quasimodo in the bat belfry? What is this?
Eddie : I want you to stay here for a while.
Deloris : Where?
Eddie : In the convent. It's the safest place in the world. You think Vince is gonna look for you in a convent?
Deloris : Wh... in the what?
Eddie : The convent.
Deloris : You must be out of your... You know what? I'm gonna go back and work this out with Vince. You're a lunatic! I'm not gonna be in no damn convent with these people. These people don't even have sex!
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Deloris : What do we do now? Pray? What?
Reverend Mother : It's 9:00. Pleasant dreams.
Deloris : W-Wait. Are you tellin' me we go to bed by 9:00?
Reverend Mother : If I were you, I would use this time to think about my life and its direction. Or lack thereof.
Deloris : There's nothing wrong with my life. You know, before I came here, I had a career, I had friends, I had clothing that fit. Before I came here, I was okay.
Reverend Mother : Oh, really? From what I've heard, your singing career was almost non-existent, and your married lover wants you dead. If you're fooling anyone, it is only yourself.
[pointedly]
Reverend Mother : God has brought you here. Take the hint.
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Deloris : [after Vince has sent Deloris a purple mink coat] Well obviously Mr. LaRocca feels he can win me back by sending me this absolutely *fabulous* coat.
Michelle : Put it on, put it on!
Tina : It's beautiful.
Deloris : You see, some girls would fall for this but not me. I think I'll make him wait a while before I let him know that I...
Michelle : What?
Deloris : [Showing a monogram stitched into the inside of the coat] Connie LaRocca. It's his wife's coat. The man gave me his wife's coat.
Michelle : I don't believe this.
Tina : Put it back on! It's yours now, you deserve it.
Deloris : No, I don't *deserve* it, I haven't *earned* it. You don't *earn* other peoples wife's fur coats, okay? I think it's time to just go upstairs, give it back to him and get the hell out of this dump.
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Deloris : You still haven't told me what she said?
Vince : What who said?
Deloris : What who said. The one with the moustache, the one you're married to.
Vince : You are so damn hot.
Deloris : And you are so full of it. You didn't tell her, did you? I knew it. I knew you weren't gonna tell her. I knew it.
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Deloris : Ugh! Ugh! Gee, what are you people? A Pridikin order? This stuff is terrible! it tastes like shh...
Reverend Mother : Sisters, we shall spend the rest of the day in silence.
Deloris : Well, why?
Reverend Mother : Only when we are silent may our prayers TRULY be answered.
Deloris : Then you don't have to eat this food!
Reverend Mother : [bangs on table] Silence begins now... And ends at sundown.
Deloris : How can you eat this stuff? It's terrible!
Reverend Mother : [exasperated] Mary Clarence, I think you might enjoy a ritual fast.
Deloris : A ritual f...? No. No, no. I don't think I would. I'll put a little salt in it, and it'll be fine. Look, I'm gonna... Somebody pass me the salt over there.
Reverend Mother : A fast. To remind you of those who have to endure without food.
Deloris : [as a nun goes to take her plate, she grabs onto it] No, I don't want you to... I don't want you to take my plate!
[slumps as her plate is taken away]
Reverend Mother : And silence!
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Eddie : Mrs. Van Cartier? You're Vince LaRocca's girlfriend, right?
Deloris : Well you could... sort of... maybe... it depends on how you look at it! I mean, the guy just tried to kill me so I don't think that cements our relationship!
Eddie : You realize he's a major underworld figure, don't you?
Det. Clarkson : He's into drug dealing, money laundering.
Det. Tate : We've been investigating Mr. LaRocca for the last 18 months. We've got videotapes, surveillance photos...
Deloris : Am I... am I in any of the... videotapes?
Det. Tate : No, no, no, criminal activity.
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Sister Mary Clarence : [grabs a biker by the ear] Young man, take your foot down off of that stool.
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Biker #2 : Wanna dance, sister?
Sister Mary Clarence : Why? You don't have any rhythm.
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Deloris : What are you gonna do? Stick me in a bag and bury me? Forget it!
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Tina : What's gonna happen to the act?
Deloris : What do you mean "what's gonna happen to the act"? You're gonna get somebody else, it's not a big loss.
Tina : But you pick all the music, you tell us where to stand and everything.
Deloris : Yeah, I'm a real genius, I'm a real genius and that's why we're packing 'em in and don't you pack any more of my make-up in that bag, don't think I don't see what you're doing.
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Reverend Mother : I shall ask Monsignor O'Hara and Lt. Souther to find a safer, and more suitable situation for you.
Deloris : Oh, no. Come on. Don't send me away. Really. I mean, I'm just startin' to get the hang of this. I mean, look. I'm not gonna endanger anyone or anything else. I swear! What about forgiveness? Isn't that what you preach? There's gotta be something around here I can do that's not gonna chip my nails or annoy anybody.
Reverend Mother : You're right, Mary Clarence. To err is human, to forgive divine. You may stay. But I shall restrict your activities to a single task.
Deloris : What's that?
Reverend Mother : Singing. You will join the choir.
Deloris : Choir? No!
Reverend Mother : You will sleep and you will sing. That will be your task until you leave.
Deloris : No! The choir? I mean, have you heard them?
Reverend Mother : The choir, Mary Clarence.
