Grumpy Old Men (1993)
Ann-Margret: Ariel Truax
Photos
Quotes
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Ariel Truax : [John is showing Ariel some family pictures] And these two little guys?
John Gustafson : Oh! That's me and the moron.
Ariel Truax : Is that Max?
John Gustafson : Of course it's Max. He's ugly isn't he?
Ariel Truax : Aw, you mean you were friends?
John Gustafson : I was 10, and didn't know any better.
Ariel Truax : What makes two men spend most of their lives fighting?
John Gustafson : Oh? Guess.
Ariel Truax : A woman!
[John nods]
Ariel Truax : How romantic.
John Gustafson : No, it wasn't romantic at all.
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John Gustafson : [heading to the bedroom with Ariel] Wait a minute. I'm not prepared. See, these days, they say you have to do "safe sex".
Ariel Truax : John, when was the last time you made love?
John Gustafson : October 4th...
[Ariel raises her eyebrows]
John Gustafson : ... 1978.
Ariel Truax : Oh, I think we're safe.
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John Gustafson : Ohh you don't know a damn things about me...
Ariel Truax : I do too! And I also know the only thing in life, that you regret, are the risks that you don't take.
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Ariel Truax : Gay or straight?
John Gustafson : Huh?
Ariel Truax : Heterosexual or homosexual?
John Gustafson : Geez Louise!
Ariel Truax : Well, it's a perfectly legitimate question.
John Gustafson : Well, maybe in California, but here in Minnesota... Who-ho-ho-ho!
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Ariel Truax : All the ideas that you brought to those young minds.
John Gustafson : Yeah, but kids, they think they know it all, right?
Ariel Truax : Oh, once in a while you reach one. You touch them somehow.
John Gustafson : I did that once.
Ariel Truax : Really?
John Gustafson : It was my Roosevelt's New Deal lecture. I touched a kid in the back of the head while he was snoring.
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Ariel Truax : I do so love bathrooms. You know, you can tell an awful lot about a person from his bathroom. Did you know that?
John Gustafson : No. I didn't know that. There's a guest bathroom...
Ariel Truax : Oh, there it is! I can't wait I find in there. You know, it's better than having a palm-read. You give me 30 seconds in a person's bathroom and I will give you a complete and accurate profile.
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Ariel Truax : Sometimes a person has to go a very long distance out of their way to come back a short distance correctly.