- Jimmy Emmett: Any time it rains, or when there's thunder and lightning, or when it snows, I have to jack off.
- [last lines]
- Lydia Mertz: But it's really something when you think that... I'm the one who's gonna be famous. Suzanne would die if she knew.
- Lydia Mertz: Suzanne used to say that you're not really anybody in America unless you're on TV... 'cause what's the point of doing anything worthwhile if there's nobody watching? So when people are watching, it makes you a better person. So if everybody was on TV all the time, everybody would be better people. But, if everybody was on TV all the time, there wouldn't be anybody left to watch, and that's where I get confused.
- Suzanne Stone: You know Mr. Gorbachev, the guy that ran Russia for so long? I am a firm believer that he would still be in power today if he had had that ugly purple thing taken off his head.
- Lydia Mertz: [about Jimmy] He says that he needs to see you and that he's dying of love.
- Suzanne Stone: Ughhh! Tell him to call a doctor.
- Lydia Mertz: And Russell wants his money, and his CDs.
- Suzanne Stone: Really? Well, you tell Russell if he doesn't keep his mouth shut, he's gonna be playing his goddamn CDs in the gas chamber!
- Suzanne Stone: You're not anybody in America unless you're on TV. On TV is where we learn about who we really are. Because what's the point of doing anything worthwhile if nobody's watching? And if people are watching, it makes you a better person.
- Janice Maretto: [about Suzanne designing her wedding ring] ... it was round... and gold... I mean, big fucking deal!
- Suzanne Stone: [to Lydia about Russell and Jimmy] It's their word against mine. Who are they? Bunch of 16-year-old losers who grew up in trailers whose parents sit around drinking and screwing their cousins!
- [laughs]
- Suzanne Stone: I'm a professional person, for Christ's sake. I come from a good home. Who do you think a jury would believe?
- Suzanne Stone: [to Lydia in the dressing room] Well, you grow up, you know? You think it's all gonna be like a fairytale. Like you're Sleeping Beauty, and along comes this Prince Charming, and he looks at you, and it's night time, and he smiles at you and kisses you.
- Lydia Mertz: Yeah, I - I know that story.
- Suzanne Stone: And then... then you wake up... and it's daylight... and you look at him. It's just when you work all day, trying to perfect yourself and create something meaningful, you expect some support. Does anyone ever say "Did you have a good shoot today?" or "How's the editing going?" or *anything* of that nature?
- Lydia Mertz: I guess not.
- Suzanne Stone: No. I mean, the point is... Larry is a nice guy, you know? But he just doesn't know a thing about television.
- Suzanne Stone: It's nice to live in a country where life, liberty... and all the rest of it still stand for something.
- Suzanne Stone: Hi. My name is Suzanne Maretto. No, wait. I'm sorry. Suzanne Maretto is my married name. My own name... is Suzanne Stone. That's my professional name. Suzanne Stone. It's not like I have any negative feelings about the name Maretto. Maretto is the name, after all... of my husband... who I loved... very, very much.
- [sniffles]
- Suzanne Stone: Sorry. It's also the name of his parents, Joe and Angela Maretto... and of his lovely and talented sister, Janice Maretto... who have been like a second family to me... and who I regard as I do my own family... particularly since my recent tragedy. I knew just through knowing and being related to them. They have given me what I think is a very precious and valuable insight... into the different kinds of ethnic relationships... that are part of the very things that I've been trying to explore... as a member of the professional media.
- [first lines]
- Suzanne Stone: [narrating:] Here's what I found out. That all of life is a learning experience. Everything is part of a *big master plan.* But sometimes... Well, it's hard to read. I mean, it's like if you get too close to the screen, all you can see is a bunch of little dots. You don't see the big picture until you stand back. But when you do, everything comes into focus.
- [speaking to camera:]
- Suzanne Stone: Hi, my name is Suzanne Maretto. No, wait, I'm sorry.
- [smirks]
- Suzanne Stone: Suzanne Maretto is my married name. My own name is Suzanne Stone. That's my professional name.
- [enunciating:]
- Suzanne Stone: Suzanne. Stone.
- [confidential tone:]
- Suzanne Stone: It's not like I have any negative feelings about the name Maretto.
- [flashback to wedding]
- Suzanne Stone: Maretto is the name, after all, of my husband...
- [whose corpse lies staring blankly]
- Suzanne Stone: who I loved... very, very much.
- [sniffles]
- Suzanne Stone: Um. Heh. Sorry.
- [smiles]
- Suzanne Stone: [faux homemaker] Well, I won't be doing this every night. I'm planning to start this exercise class so I can get rid of a few pounds myself.
- Joe Maretto: [chuckles] From where? Your feet?
- [wife Angela adds to laughter]
- Suzanne Stone: On TV, the camera adds five pounds.
- Lydia Mertz: Mrs. Maretto bought me lots of nice stuff. Like this... ankle bracelet, for instance.
- [shows]
- Lydia Mertz: And a bottle of real expensive perfume - a "scent", she called it - which I'm saving for a special occasion. No one ever really... bought me stuff before... except my Mom's boyfriend, Chester, who got me for my birthday, when I was twelve, a bottle of something called Garden of Eden body oil, which he said would be good for my skin... and... which he wanted to show me how to use... which I let him do.
- Lydia Mertz: [shunted out the door] What about the TV show in California and everything?
- Suzanne Stone: Aw, Liddy, get real!