The Impostors (1998)

Billy Connolly: Sparks

Quotes 

• Sparks : Perhaps we should wrestle sometime. Do you like the taut roundness that exercise brings to the buttocks?

  Maurice : [uneasy]  Yeah.

  Sparks : Do you enjoy the warmth of the Mediterranean sun on that self-same place? I once wrestled a man on the steps of the Acropolis, when the sun was at its height, wearing only what God sent me into the world with. Can you picture that? That's where we'll wrestle, my semi-Grecian lad. That's where I'll make a man of you.

• Sparks : [shaking hands]  Do you feel that grip?

  First Mate : I do sir. I do.

  Sparks : Powerful enough to snap the neck of a small beast, and yet sensitive enough to caress the tender throat of a young castrato. Coax a song out of him.

• Happy Franks : Don't kid a kidder kid! People are afraid of poverty, of war, of pestilence, of not knowing who they are or what they want, of dogs, and I say - Don't! Don't fear these things! They're not real. You want something to fear? Do you know what to fear? Love. Fear love. Love is real and it is terrifying. If you're going to be afraid, be afraid when someone says...

  [he is cut off in mid-sentence as other camera angles show the other characters say "I love you" in different ways] 

  Johnny Leguard : [to Mrs. Essendine]  I love you.

  Maxine : [to the sheik]  Je t'aime.

  Captain : [to the deposed queen]  Ti amo.

  Meistrich : [to Lili]  Ich liebe dich.

  Sparks : [to Maurice, who is dressed in drag]  I lo-

  [Maurice stops him] 

  First Mate : [in foreign language, to bomb which he hid in his coat]  I love you.

  Emily : [to Happy]  I love you!

• Sparks : [Maurice is in drag and has just slapped him]  Was that your best shot, savage gypsy lover?

• Sparks : Are either of you Greek?

  Arthur : No.

  Maurice : Well, yes, actually I'm half-Greek.

  Sparks : Top half or bottom half?

• Sparks : I jest, I jibe!

• Maurice : [taking off his drag costume]  I'm a man!

  Sparks : So am I!