The Emperor's New Groove (2000)

John Goodman: Pacha

Photos 

Quotes 

• [Kuzco and Pacha are tied to a tree branch floating in a river] 

  Pacha : Uh-oh.

  Kuzco : Don't tell me. We're about to go over a huge waterfall.

  Pacha : Yep.

  Kuzco : Sharp rocks at the bottom?

  Pacha : Most likely.

  Kuzco : Bring it on.

• Kuzco : So, you lied to me.

  Pacha : I did?

  Kuzco : Yeah. You said when the sun hits this ridge just right, these hills sing. Well, pal, I was dragged all over those hills and I did not hear any singing.

  [takes Kuzcotopia] 

  Kuzco : So, I'll be building my summer home on a more *magical* hill. Thank you.

  Pacha : Heh. Couldn't pull the wool over your eyes, huh?

  Kuzco : No, no, I'm sharp. I'm on it.

  [puts the model of Pacha's house back on the hilltop] 

  Kuzco : Looks like you and your family are stuck on the tuneless hilltop forever, pal.

  [Kuzco and Pacha sit in silence] 

  Pacha : You know, I'm pretty sure I heard some singing on the hill next to us. In case you're interested.

• Pacha : Why did I risk my life for a selfish brat like you? I was always taught that there was some good in everyone, but, oh, you proved me wrong.

  Kuzco : Oh, boo-hoo. Now I feel really bad. Bad llama.

  Pacha : I could've let you die out there in that jungle, and then all my problems would be over.

  Kuzco : Well, that makes you ugly *and* stupid.

  Pacha : Let's end this.

  Kuzco : Ladies first.

• Kuzco : Wait a minute. I remember you. I remember telling you that I was building my pool where your house was, and then you got mad at me. Oh! And you turned me into a llama!

  Pacha : What? No, I did not.

  Kuzco : Yes, and then you kidnapped me!

  Pacha : Why would I kidnap a llama?

  Kuzco : I have no idea. You're the criminal mastermind, not me.

  Pacha : What?

  Kuzco : You're right. That's giving you way too much credit.

• Pacha : What happened?

  Old Man : Well, I threw off the Emperor's groove.

  Pacha : What?

  Old Man : His groove! The rhythm in which he lives his life. His pattern of behavior. I threw it off. And the Emperor had me thrown out the window.

  Pacha : Oh, really? I'm supposed to see him today.

  Old Man : Don't throw off his groove!

  Pacha : Oh, okay.

  Old Man : Bewaaare, the grooove.

  Pacha : Hey, are you gonna be all right?

  Old Man : Grooove...

• Pacha : Where'd you come from, little guy?

  Kuzco : No... touchy.

  Pacha : Demon llama!

  Kuzco : Demon llama? Where?

  [Turns around and sees Misty, a real llama] 

  Misty : Maaah.

  Kuzco : Aaah!

• Pacha : Emperor Kuzco?

  Kuzco : Yeah. Who did you think you were talking to?

  Pacha : Um... How did... uh... you don't... *look* like the emperor.

  Kuzco : What do you mean I don't look like the emperor?

  Pacha : Um... do this.

  [wiggles fingers] 

  Kuzco : What is this, some little game you country folk like to play?

  [sees his hoofed hand, gasps] 

  Kuzco : It can't be! I...

  [looks at his reflection in the water] 

  Kuzco : [Gasps]  My face! My beautiful, beautiful face! I'm an ugly, stinky llama! Wah-hah-hah! Llama face!

• Kuzco : Woo-yeah! Look at me and my bad self! I snatched you right out of the air! "Ooh, I'm a crumbly canyon wall, and I'm taking you with me." Well, not today, pal! Uh-huh! Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh!

  Pacha : You just saved my life!

• ChiCha : So what did the emperor want?

  Pacha : [Unable to explain that Emperor Kuzco was planning to destroy their village to make room for his Summer home, Kuzcotopia]  Uh, you know what? He couldn't see me.

  ChiCha : Couldn't see you? Why not?

  Pacha : I don't know.

  ChiCha : Well, that's just rude!

  Pacha : Well, he is the emperor. I'm sure he's busy.

  ChiCha : No no no no. Emperor or no Emperor, it's called common courtesy. If it were me, I'd march right back there and *demand* to see him. You know I would!

  Pacha : Sweetie, sweetie, think of the baby.

  ChiCha : Pacha, I'm fine. This baby's not coming out for a while, but even if it was, I'd give that guy a piece of my mind. That kind of behavior just, just...

  [snorts] 

  ChiCha : I gotta go wash something.

• [Pacha has gotten himself and Kuzco tied to a dead tree branch] 

  Kuzco : Maybe I'm just new to this whole rescuing thing, but this, to me, might be considered kind of a step backwards, wouldn't you say?

  Pacha : No, no, no. It's... It's okay. This is all right. We can figure this out.

  [the branch cracks] 

  Kuzco : I hate you.

• Pacha : Okay, once we cross this bridge, it's just an hour to your palace.

  Kuzco : Good, because believe it or not, I think I need a bath.

  Pacha : I believe it.

  Kuzco : What's that?

  Pacha : Nothing.

• Tipo : Dad! I ate a bug today!

  Pacha : Oh! Was Mom baking again? Heh. Don't tell her I said that.

  ChiCha : I heard that!

• Kronk : Hey, don't I know you?

  Pacha : I... I don't think so.

  Kronk : Wrestled you in high school.

  Pacha : I don't remember that, no.

  Kronk : Metal shop? Oh, I know, Miss Nalca's interpretive dance, two semesters. I was usually in the back because of my weak ankles. C'mon, you gotta help me out here.

  Pacha : Look, I don't think we've ever met, but... I gotta go.

  [Gets up] 

  Kronk : Don't worry, I'll think of it!

• [Pacha and Kuzco diner in disguise as a woman are approached by the Waitress] 

  Pacha : We're on our honeymoon.

  Waitress : Bless you for coming out in public.

• Pacha : [after Kuzco quickly betrays him on their way back to Kuzco's Palace]  We shook hands on it!

  Kuzko : You know, the funny thing about shaking hands is...

  [wiggles hoofs] 

  Kuzko : ...you need hands.

• Townsman #1 : Hey, Pacha, you just missed your relatives.

  Pacha : My relatives?

  Townsman #1 : Yeah, we just sent them up to your house.

  Pacha : What'd they look like?

  Townsman #1 : Well there was this big guy, and this older woman who was... well, how would you describe her?

  Townsman #2 : Ah, scary beyond all reason?

  Townsman #1 : Yeah, that's it.

• Kuzco : There's two people in there looking for you.

  Kuzco : Who?

  Pacha : A big guy and a skinny old woman.

  Kuzco : Wait, was this woman scary beyond all reason?

  Pacha : Oh, yeah!

  Kuzco : That's Yzma and Kronk! I'm saved!

• Kuzco : When will you learn that all my ideas are good ones?

  Pacha : Well, that's funny. Because I thought that you going into the jungle by yourself, being chased by jaguars, lying to me to take you back to the palace were all really *bad* ideas.

  Kuzco : Oh, yeah. Anything sounds bad when you say it with that attitude.

• Pacha : [hanging off the bridge]  Kuzco!

  Kuzco : Yeah?

  Pacha : Quick, pull me up!

  Kuzco : No, I don't think I will.

  Pacha : You're gonna leave me here?

  Kuzco : Well, I was gonna have you imprisoned for life, but I kinda like this better.

  Pacha : I thought you were a changed man.

  Kuzco : Come on, I had to say *something* to get you to take me back to the palace.

  Pacha : So all of it was a lie?

  Kuzco : Well yeah. No, wait... Oh, yeah, it all was a lie. Toodles!

• Pacha : [Both hanging from a bridge, Pacha hits Kuzco in anger]  That's for going back on your promise!

  Kuzco : [Kuzco hits Pacha]  Yeah! And that's for kidnapping me and taking me back to your village! Which I'm still gonna destroy, by the way. Hehehe. No touchy!

  [Pacha hits him back] 

• Kuzco : [as a parrot, whilst testing out each of the potions]  We're not getting anywhere with you picking the vials. I'm picking the next one.

  Pacha : Fine by me!

  Kuzco : Give me that one.

  [drinks a potion and turns into a whale] 

  Kuzco : Not a word...

• Pacha : You know what? Someday, you're gonna wind up all alone, and you'll have no one to blame but yourself.

  Kuzko : [sarcastically rolls his eyes]  Thanks for that. I'll log *that* away. Now, for the final time, I order you to take me back to the palace!

  Pacha : Looks to me like you're stuck out here, because unless you change your mind, I'm not taking you back.

• [after telling Pacha that he intends to destroy Pacha's villiage and build "Kuzcotopia"] 

  Pacha : But, but, um, where will *we* live?

  Kuzco : Hmm. Don't know, don't care. How's that?

• [after Pacha attempted to breathe into Kuzco's mouth after saving him from drowning to see if he was still alive] 

  Pacha : For the last time, it was not a kiss.

  Kuzco : Well, whatever you call it, it was disgusting.

• Kuzco : Hey, tiny. I wanna get out of this body. Wouldn't you? Now let's go.

  Pacha : Build your summer house somewhere else.

  Kuzco : You wanna run that by me again?

  Pacha : I can't let you go back unless you change your mind and build your summer home somewhere else.

  Kuzco : I got a little secret for you. Come here. No, closer.

  [Pacha comes closer] 

  Kuzco : [loudly, in Pacha's ear]  I don't make deals with peasants!

• Pacha : [to ChiCha]  So we have to get back to the palace, find the lab, and change him back.

  Kuzco : [Appears outside of the window]  Hi there.

  [ChiCha hits him with a frying pan] 

  Kuzco : Aah!

  Pacha : That was him.

  ChiCha : Whoops.

• ChiCha : Okay, okay, you two. Our deal was that you could stay awake until Daddy came home. Now say good night.

  Tipo , Chaca : Dad, do we have to?

  [gives him the sad face with their big sad eyes] 

  Pacha : No, you two can stay up. We're just gonna be sitting here telling each other how much we love each other. Right, honey?

  Tipo , Chaca : Good night.

• [after saving Kuzco from some jaguars while swinging on a vine] 

  Pacha : Don't worry your highness, I gotcha!

• [Kuzco falls off the bridge, gets tangled up in vines and hangs next to Pacha] 

  Pacha : Are you OK? Are you all right?

  Kuzco : Yeah. Yeah, I think I'm all right.

  Pacha : [angrily]  Good!

  [punches Kuzco in the face] 

  Pacha : That's for going back on your promise!

  Kuzco : Hi-ya!

  [kicks Pacha in the stomach and swings on the vines] 

  Kuzco : That's for kidnapping me and taking me to your village, which I'm still gonna destroy, by the way!

  [chuckles] 

  Kuzco : No touchy.

  [Pacha headbutts him in the chest]