A Fish Tale (2000)

Richard Newman: Bus Driver

Quotes 

• Bus Driver : [driving a larger fish as a bus and addressing another fish]  That will be two clams and five stones, madam.

  Fly : [gathers a few clams and gives them to the driver]  Here: keep the change.

  Bus Driver : [clears his throat]  Just a second! These are not valid.

  Fly : Not valid?

  Bus Driver : You'll have to get off.

  Fly : W-what? Chuck, give me your glasses.

  [to driver, handing him the lenses of the glasses] 

  Fly : Here, then; have these Transatlantic, Transpacific, worldwide, oceanic-approved deluxe coins.

  Bus Driver : Very well, then. Here are the tickets.

  Fly : Hold on. Uh, these two

  [gesturing to Stella and Sasha] 

  Fly : are less than six years of age. They ride for free.

  Bus Driver : Oh. Yes. Of course,

  [hands Fly back one lens] 

  Bus Driver : here's a refund.

  Fly : [gesturing to Chuck]  And this poor fellow is half-blind.

  Bus Driver : Well...

  Fly : It's not fair that he should pay full price.

  Bus Driver : I-I-I-I suppose that's...

  Fly : And while we're at it, could we sell back the tickets we don't need?

  Bus Driver : Uh, well, um...

  [Fly gives back the unneeded tickets] 

  Bus Driver : Next time, have exact change!

  Chuck : [to Fly]  And what would have happened if it *didn't* work, genius?