- Chad Linus: That retainer fit my mouth perfectly; like it was made for me.
- Doug Linus: It WAS made for you.
- Chad Linus: Well, actually, it was made for my friend Chris, but he never used it, so I was like "Hey, free retainer".
- Doug Linus: [to Jerry] So let old Doug get this straight. You get a free pass from your girlfriend to nail the hottest chick on the planet, and what does Jerry O'Keefe do? Jerry O'Keefe says "To hell with it! Right? I work out everyday, I got a square jaw, I got all my hair. I'm not some 34-year-old fat ass with two kids and an ex-wife who's sleeping with a hunky contractor in Pennsylvania!"
- Chad Linus: That's weird, Doug, cos your ex-wife is also sleeping with a contractor.