My Boss's Daughter (2003)

Ashton Kutcher: Tom Stansfield

Photos 

Quotes 

• [Jack Taylor introduces his pet owl] 

  Jack Taylor : This is O.J.

  Tom Stansfield : O.J.? Like the murderer?

  Jack Taylor : No, like the football player. O.J. Simpson.

• Tom Stansfield : Hey put the crowbar down, or I will blow your ass to fucktown!

• Jack Taylor : What's this I hear about you threatening to spray this play with an AK-47?

  Tom Stansfield : Oh... well, I was just making a joke.

  Jack Taylor : Oh that's funny to you? People dying? And what's this I hear about you making fun of midgets?

  Tom Stansfield : I never make fun of midgets!

  Jack Taylor : You said, it would be fun to date one because then you could rest your beer on their head, now I have a sense of humour, but that's just sick.

• T.J. : You rat me out, I'm gonna carve you like a turkey and beat your kids with what's left of you.

  Tom Stansfield : I don't have any kids.

  T.J. : I can wait.

• Tom Stansfield : I appreciate all your help, but could you make sure that your friends stay out of the house?

  Audrey Bennett : All of them or just the colored guy?

  Tom Stansfield : No, all of them.

  Audrey Bennett : Oh, that's smart. That way the colored guy won't take it personal.

• Audrey Bennett : Speed, tell Tom about Kennedy's assassination. This is so cool, Tom, Speed knows who killed JFK. No ask him, Tom, ask him! Ask him who killed him!

  Tom Stansfield : Alright, alright. Who killed JFK?

  Speed : Desi... Arnaz.

  [Tom sees a mouse running loose, runs away to catch it] 

  Speed : [to Audrey]  His life just changed.

• Jack Taylor : [opens door]  Very good. Right on time.

  Tom Stansfield : Oh. Sir. Uh, ah, is that a bear-trap?

  Jack Taylor : Yes. It's to keep the neighbours' kids out of my yard.

• Audrey Bennett : Was that an owl?

  Tom Stansfield : Yes! O.J. got out! How is he flying?

  Audrey Bennett : Well, he is a bird.

• Lisa Taylor : [discovered Tom in compromising position]  We're done. You must think I'm a complete idiot.

  Tom Stansfield : No! No! I'm telling you, I was just checking these girls for breast cancer!

  Lisa Taylor : You make me sick!