- Rebecca: The hardest love to learn is that which is dark, the kind that causes the most pain. It is up to the soul to look past that dirty love and regain the beauty that illuminated so bright before... pure love.
- Carrie: I was thinking about becoming a scientologist. They're always famous, you know. Is there like an audition or something? I could do a monologue from Ron L. Hubbard.
- Carrie: Penis insecurity. When the penis doesn't get enough showmanship it has to remind itself that its still an almighty tool and can make any woman moan.
- Rebecca: [after realizing she needs to change her tampon] Why did the Blonde jump off a building? To she if her Maxipad had wings!
- Rebecca: Love is so great that it's almost unreal. I feel bad for the people who can't find it. I mean, we've all met those types who try to convince their co-workers that they're fine without it. And then you take a look at their cubicle and see heart shaped frames all over their desk with pictures of their three-legged cat named Bob.
- Rebecca: [to hookers] Hey wait! Are you guys hiring? Because no one cares about love anymore so why not just have sex and get paid for it? Oh come on! Who cares if my vagina falls off from all the diseases out ther? I'll take some open sores.
- Rebecca: Oh my God! I can not get last night out of my head. Richard! Richard and that little... wait, what was her name? Oh yeah... whore...
- Rebecca: Here's to the men that we love... Here's to the men that love us... But then men that we love will never love us... so fuck all the men... HERE'S TO US!
- Supermarket Cashier: Erv, can we get a price check please on the super size maxi pads for the woman who keeps bleeding all over the store?