- Hilary Faye: Mary, turn away from Satan. Jesus, he loves you.
- Mary: You don't know the first thing about love.
- Hilary Faye: [throws a Bible at Mary] I am FILLED with Christ's love! You are just jealous of my success in the Lord.
- Mary: [Mary holds up the Bible] This is not a weapon! You idiot.
- Mary: So everything that doesn't fit into some stupid idea of what you think God wants you just try to hide or fix or get rid of? It's just all too much to live up to. No one fits in one hundred percent of the time. Not even you.
- Pastor Skip: I know that, Mary.
- Dean: I know in my heart that Jesus still loves me.
- Mary: Why would God make us all so different if he wanted us to be the same?
- Roland: [to Cassandra] I don't want to be the guy who's with the girl because he needs her, I want to be the guy who's with the girl because he wants her.
- Cassandra: [Patrick is wearing a loincloth, acting as Jesus dying in a play] Now that's what I call being hung on a cross.
- Mary: [after giving birth] Okay, I'm pretty sure this isn't what Jesus had in mind when he said, "Help Dean." Look, don't be too harsh. I'm not the first person to ever get the message screwed up. Looking at her, it's like life is too amazing to be this random and meaningless consequence of the universe. There had to be a God... or something out there.
- Hilary Faye: [the day after "saving" Cassandra] Hey Cass! How do you feel?
- Cassandra: Oh, I'm a whole new girl Hay-Faye.
- Hilary Faye: I TOLD YOU! How great is Jesus?
- Cassandra: Yeah, um, about that... I've decided to devote my life to Satan instead. Thanks though!
- Cassandra: Doesn't it bother you to have people smoking around you? It's so bad for the baby.
- Mary: I'm not pregnant.
- Cassandra: So what are you gonna do? It's too late for the big "A". You look like a smuggler. I know a place where you could sell it!
- Mary: I'm not going to sell my...
- [vulnerable pause]
- Cassandra: It's Dean's, isn't it?
- Dean: We've been kicked out of our homes, we've been kicked out of our schools, and now we're being kicked out of Mercy House - there's nowhere left for us to go!
- Mary: Why do you think Dean's parents sent him away so fast?
- Lillian: They probably didn't think they could handle it by themselves.
- Mary: What do you mean?
- Lillian: Well, having a child is like owning a car. I can change the oil and fill the gas tank and I can take it to a car wash, but if the carburetor broke, I wouldn't know what to do.
- Mary: So, what? You'd just send me away?
- Lillian: Oh, Mary, please don't tell me you're a lesbian!
- Mary: Mom...
- Lillian: Do I need to worry about you? No, I don't have to worry about you. Do I?
- Mary: [voice-over] My mom just compared me to a car, so me having a baby is definitely something not to tell her right now.
- Veronica: Roland is so blessed to have such a thoughtful sister. You know, in countries like China, Hilary Faye would probably have been killed at birth.
- Hilary Faye: And then where would you be, Roland?
- Roland: China.
- Roland: Are you okay?
- Hilary Faye: No, Roland... I crashed my van into Jesus! Okay? I have a pimple the size of Jupiter! I am NOT okay! This is not how I wanted to remember my Prom. This is not how I wanted to remember my life.
- Roland: Well maybe we can fix it... with some glue, or something
- Cassandra: [after complaining about Hilary Faye's ridiculous attempt to save her] It's ok. Last year I got saved so I could go on the ski trip.
- Pastor Skip: Patrick, this is not a gray area.
- Patrick: Dad, it's all a gray area.
- Pastor Skip: THE BIBLE IS BLACK AND WHITE!
- Trudy Mason: Patrick has recently returned from South Africa where he worked as a missionary and just completed a world tour as part of the Christian Skateboarders Association.
- Cassandra: Been hittin' the board for the Lord? God, is nothing sacred to you people?
- Cassandra: Did I ever tell you about the time I shoplifted a frozen turkey out of a Piggly Wiggly wearing only a tube top and daisy dukes?
- Hilary Faye: Well, if it isn't the Heathens.
- Cassandra: Burn in hell, you narrow-minded, tacky-ass bitch!
- [during the school assembly, Cassandra stands up and begins yelling in Spanish]
- Tia: [thinking] Oh my god, the Jew girl's speaking in tongues!
- [Cassandra rips open her shirt]
- Roland: She's going to show her boobs! Thank you Jesus!
- Patrick: [thinking] She is, she's going to show her boobs!
- [looking horrified, Hilary Faye stands up at the podium]
- Hilary Faye: She's saying she has a hot pussy!
- [the word "pussy" is bleeped out by microphone feedback]
- Pastor Skip: I think the Christian thing to do would be to let them stay.
- Hilary Faye: The Christian thing to do? I have been doing the CHRISTIAN THING my whole life! I did not have sex with a gay and try to blame it on Jesus!
- Mary: Hilary Faye...
- Hilary Faye: Oh, shut up, you fornicator!
- [Mary is about to confess that Dean is gay]
- Mary: I need to tell you guys something.
- [Van suddenly haults]
- Hilary Faye: Eew.
- Veronica: Eew.
- Roland: WHAT? Wasn't like it was some kind of secret. The guy was like a one-man gay pride parade.
- [storming out to her car after being expelled from school]
- Cassandra: He kicked me out! And it was the one time I didn't do anything!
- Cassandra: I always get this really left out feeling at Christmas time
- Hilary Faye: [to Patrick] Jewish.
- [Back to Cassandra]
- Hilary Faye: Well, if you decided to accept Jesus into your heart you and your people could join in on the fun!
- Cassandra: You know what you're right! I want to join in on the fun. I don't want a Hannukah bush this year, I want a Christmas tree.
- Hilary Faye: You're playing me again?
- Cassandra: No, I want to start a personal relationship with Jesus. I want to be saved!
- Hilary Faye: Oh wow!
- [Gestures to Patrick]
- Hilary Faye: Patrick! Oh, I don't have all my equipment! Ok, first, you have to confess all of your sins out loud.
- Cassandra: Well, there's all the swearing, I mean, I have a Goddammed dirty mouth. And the sex I mean, are we talking oral
- Hilary Faye: [claps hand over Cassandra's mouth]
- [doing stretches in gym class, Mary spots Patrick running laps around the girls. Patrick smiles at Mary]
- Hilary Faye: I know what you're looking at, Mary. And Jesus does too.
- Cassandra: You can tacky up prom on your own, cause I quit.
- Hilary Faye: Quit? You can't quit!
- Cassandra: Watch me. Watch me walkin' away. Watch me walkin' away from Jesus!
- Mary: How was your summer, Roland?
- Roland: What?
- Mary: Your summer. How was it?
- Roland: Oh, it was great. I went roller-skating, water-skiing, learnt to kickbox. The usual.
- Hilary Faye: Roland, why do you always have to make everyone feel so awkward about your differently-abled-ness?
- Cassandra: So, Patrick asked you out and you turned him down? The boy is a tomcat, even if he is a big JC freak. And - double plus bonus - I'm pretty sure he's not a 'mo.
- Mary: He's Pastor Skip's son, and I'm about to pop a baby out.
- Cassandra: I should tell Patrick to act gay around you, maybe then he'll get a little action.
- Cassandra: I should kick your fat Christian ass right now.
- Hilary Faye: You know what? Whatever!
- [walks away]
- Hilary Faye: And I'm not even fat!
- Cassandra: Your head is fat! Oh! And your ass is fat!
- Hilary Faye: WHATEVER!
- Patrick: I like you, Mary. I do. God gave us free will, and that day at Hilary Faye's, you weren't afraid to use it. You inspired me. You amaze me, Mary.