- Bradley Grimes: Sam Donaldson gets Diane Sawyer. I get Excedrin the entertainer.
- Wanda Mildred Hawkins: Thats so cute. You trying to insult me is like watching a dog trying to work a doorknob.
- Roger: All right, thats it! Wanda, my office!
- Bradley Grimes: Roger, just toss her out the window. I'm sure that mouth will break her fall.
- Jenny Hawkins: You know, if you softened up a bit, you might have a date, too, and then you wouldn't have to ask out your sister-in-law.
- Wanda Mildred Hawkins: I'm so cute, and cuddly, they want to test cosmetics on me.
- Wanda Mildred Hawkins: I must be dating the wrong guys. I should get wooden shoes as many times I've gone dutch.
- Roger: Great show, everybody. Don't forget, I'll see you tonight at the D.C. Broadcast Awards. I really think we're gonna win one this year.
- Rita Dahlberg: We'd better. I paid $800 for the shoes I'm wearing, and they're getting on stage even if I have to throw them up there.