- Dennis Pennis: Princess Anne, you're a very keen rider, how many times have you been tossed off by a horse?
- Dennis Pennis: [to Michael Jackson, who is surrounded by bodyguards] Is your favourite group 3T? Or do you still prefer Boyz II Men? Mike, do you think about having any more kids, or you don't want to get arrested again?
- [one of the bodyguards pushes Dennis away]
- Dennis Pennis: [to Gerard Depardieu] I was very disappointed when Andie MacDowell kissed you in Green Card because you didn't turn into a prince! You stayed like a fat, ugly frog!
- Dennis Pennis: Do you think it's about time you got awarded with a sort of - The honours list, you know the Queen's honour's list? You should be Michael Winner O.B.E.S.E.
- Michael Winner: Oh, thank God, you should be in charge!
- Dennis Pennis: [to Mick Hucknall] How do you describe your voice? Is it rock or is pop? Cos I hear you and I think you are soul. You are-soul!
- Dennis Pennis: [to Kenneth Clarke] It's such a shame you didn't become leader, I look at you and I think what a waste... What a massive waist!
- Anthony Cream Jnr.: We plan to break into BBC Headquarters secretly in the middle of the night and stage a dirty protest.
- Tony Cream: A shit-in, if you like.
- Dennis Pennis: Got any plans to start going through puberty at some point?
- Michael J. Fox: Uh, well, I'm right after you.
- Dennis Pennis: OK.
- Michael J. Fox: I'm right after you.
- Dennis Pennis: See you there.
- Michael J. Fox: [points at Dennis' red hair] You dyeing your pubic hair as well?