Munna Bhai M.B.B.S. (2003)

Boman Irani: Dr. J. C. Asthana

Photos 

Quotes 

• Dr. J. Asthana : May I ask what is happening here?

  Murli Prasad Sharma : No!

• Dr. J. Asthana : Can I ask what is going on here?

  Murli Prasad Sharma : Ask! Don't be shy, ask. Come on, ask!

• Dr. J. Asthana : Are there any questions?

  Murli Prasad Sharma : Yes, sir... If a man is dying in the admission ward, is it necessary for him to fill our a form?

  [a shocked Asthana dismisses the class, but the next day...] 

  Murli Prasad Sharma : Sir, I asked you a question yesterday that you didn't answer - can't you answer it today?

• Dr. J. Asthana : Mamu, he called me MAMU!

  [Mamu means "dude" and/or "doofus"] 

• Dr. J. Asthana : [Inquiring in his cabin how Sanjay Dutt made it to the Medical College]  Sharma, Murli Prasad, Hari Prasad. 98.33 percent.

  [Shocked] 

  Dr. J. Asthana : How ?

  Dr. Rustam Pavri : [In a helpless voice, since he wrote Sanjay Dutt's entrance exam]  How'd I know Sir.

  Dr. J. Asthana : Yeah how'd you know. I want to figure out how the hell did he clear those exams.

  [Starts laughing to control his anger] 

  Dr. Suman Asthana : Dad, it's ok. Why are you getting so excited ?

  Dr. J. Asthana : [Furiously]  I am not excited. Do you realise who he actually is. A goon, a BHAI, elder brother.

  [Frantically] 

  Dr. J. Asthana : Wait, did he see YOU ?

  Dr. Suman Asthana : Yeah he did.

  Dr. J. Asthana : Did he recognise you ?

  Dr. Suman Asthana : [laughing]  Common Dad, he hasn't seen me in all these years. How'd he recognise me !

  Dr. J. Asthana : [Kissing Gracy Singh's forehead]  Thank God for you my child.

  [Turning to Kurush Deboo] 

  Dr. J. Asthana : Rustam, come over here.

  [shouting in Kurush Deboo's ears] 

  Dr. J. Asthana : NOBODY should know she's my daughter, is that clear ?

  Dr. Rustam Pavri : Of course Sir. Be least assured.

  Dr. J. Asthana : [In a frantic state to himself]  Calm down. Take a deep breath and calm down.

• Dr. J. Asthana : Good things happen to good people.

• Shri Hari Prasad Sharma : This standing around, laughing loudly... what is that?

  Dr. J. Asthana : Laughter therapy. If you're tense, or angry, you laugh loudly... it lowers the blood pressure.

  Shri Hari Prasad Sharma : But how do you laugh when you're tense?

  Dr. J. Asthana : Practice. Look at me. The angrier I get, the harder I laugh.

• Meena : [explaining why she thinks she would be a good doctor]  Sir, I love people. I believe I can feel the patients suffering. I want to treat them as friends, not just as patients.

  Dr. J. Asthana : We are not here to make friends. In my 25-year career I haven't befriended a single patient. I have not felt their pain, just cured it. And I've done well. I do not love my patients. Confused? Let me explain. See this hand... Rock steady. It's done thousands of operations, but it never shook. But if I were to operate on my daughter, it will shake for sure. Why? Because I love my daughter. Friendship, empathy, attachment... these are weaknesses for a doctor. For the next five years... you'll be taught that a patient is just a sick body, nothing else.

• Dr. J. Asthana : Congratulations, here's your rustication letter. I want you out by tomorrow.

  Murli Prasad Sharma : Your luck's run out, buddy. I was about to split... when someone held my hand and asked me to stay. Do your worst. Now I'm here to stay.

  Dr. J. Asthana : If you don't leave, the police will escort you out.

  Murli Prasad Sharma : Police? They couldn't keep me in, how will they pull me out?

  Dr. J. Asthana : You will go, Mr. Sharma.

  Murli Prasad Sharma : See, if the cops kick me out the front door... I'll return through the back door.

• Murli Prasad Sharma : What's the problem?

  Dr. J. Asthana : You are the problem, Mr. Sharma. We need discipline in the college, not cabaret.

• Dr. J. Asthana : If such guys become doctors... then patients will only hear, 'Dude, lie down, you're screwed!'

• Dr. J. Asthana : Do you think I don't know that you've cheated? I don't know how, but I will find out, Mister.

  Murli Prasad Sharma : You think I've cheated? Let me declare that I have. And will do it again. Do what you can.

  Dr. J. Asthana : Shut up! No one has ever spoken to me like this!

  Murli Prasad Sharma : There's always a first time, dude.