- Chowder: What? I thought if I shot the heart, that...
- Jenny: That's not the heart.
- Chowder: Then what *is* it?
- Jenny: Well, if those are the teeth and that's the tongue, then that must be the uvula.
- Chowder: Oh. So it's a *girl* house.
- Jenny: [looks at him] *What*? No! It stimulates the gag reflex. *Everyone* has a uvula.
- Chowder: Not *me*.
- Jenny: But back to business: eggs, shaving cream, toilet paper. Without candy, I'm afraid your house is a bulls-eye with shingles.
- Zee: Nice try. It's not my house.
- Jenny: Babysitter?
- Zee: Mmm-hmm.
- Jenny: Okay, let's cut the crap. Maybe the parents you work for left you forty dollars in emergency money...
- Zee: Maybe they left me thirty.
- Jenny: Maybe you give me twenty, I write a receipt for thirty, and you pocket ten.
- Zee: Maybe... and I want two extra bags of peanut clusters.
- Jenny: One bag, and I'll toss in a licorice whip.
- Zee: You're good.
- Jenny: Are you guys mentally challenged? Because, if you are, then I'm certified to teach you baseball.
- Chowder: [pretending to talk to his father] Well, Dad, why don't you kiss my hairy butt?
- [turns around]
- Chowder: Hey, DJ, you got any beer?
- [noticing Jenny]
- Chowder: Well, hello there...
- DJ: [to Jenny] This is... Chowder...
- Chowder: Charles, to the ladies...
- Jenny: [interrupting] Um, Jenny Bennett. Two-term class president at Westbrook Prep.
- DJ: That's a tough school to get into.
- Chowder: Yeah, I got in but decided not to go.
- Jenny: It's a girl's school.
- Chowder: [nervous pause] ... Which is why I didn't...
- [another nervous pause]
- Chowder: ... You know there's a... there's a great taco stand near there...
- DJ: We haven't left this room once! Not even to go to the bathroom.
- [Points to 2L bottle filled with something]
- DJ: Don't drink that!
- Zee: Oh gross! Whatever disease you guys have I'm sure its got letters and that they make pills for it!
- DJ: Zee, it's true! There's something evil going on across the street!
- Zee: [Sarcastically] That's excellent, I'm really happy for you.
- Nebbercracker: [kneeling very excited; looks up at DJ] 45 years... we have been trapped for 45 years... and now we're free!
- Officer Lister: That sounds like the 'dangerous creature'! I'm gonna go check it out.
- [sneaks toward the house]
- Officer Landers: [to self] Gosh, just like tryin' to wrangle a puppy...
- Chowder: [after they escape the Monster House by getting upchucked] That's it. Another great idea, DJ! Brilliant!
- DJ: What do you want from me, Chowder? I don't see you coming up with any big ideas.
- Chowder: Oh yeah, yeah. Do you wanna hear my big idea? I'm going home to make A PRETZEL SANDWICH! See ya!
- [starts walking away until DJ pulls him back]
- DJ: Chowder! The house is still alive and you're gonna wuss out?
- Chowder: I risked my life for you: I stoled drugs for you and *I could've died in there!*
- DJ: Yeah. Me too!
- Chowder: Yeah, but you're the one that killed Nebbercracker in the first place!
- DJ: Getting your stupid ball back...!
- Jenny: [Jenny pulls them apart] You guys, stop fighting. You're acting like babies.
- DJ: We ARE babies! What were we thinking? We tried to put a house to sleep with cold medicine. How lame could you get?
- [DJ begins walking toward his house]
- Chowder: Where are you going?
- DJ: I'm going home. I suck.
- Nebbercracker: Do you want to be eaten alive?
- Little Girl: No.
- Nebbercracker: Then GET OUT OF HERE!
- [she jumps off her trike and starts to run, but stops]
- Little Girl: My trike.
- Nebbercracker: [Nebbercraker takes the trike off the lawn, removes the front wheel and snarls at Eliza; she flees and cries] Stay away from my house!
- [the house taunts Chowder by scratching a scary face on his basketball]
- Chowder: It's gonna be a bloodbath.
- Chowder: You're really crazy right now, you notice that? I think you're just freakin' out because you killed a guy today.
- Skull: [Playing arcade machine] You're gonna die! You're gonna die!
- Skull: [kills someone in game] Aw, did you see that? I just chopped off your head again! Your head's rolling. You can't even see it 'cuz your eyes are on your head!
- DJ: [interupts] Sir?
- Skull: [looks at DJ] What? I'm busy playing a video game without even looking at the screen.
- Zee: You know, I saw an ambulance here today.
- Bones: So?
- Zee: So, maybe Nebbercracker really did die.
- Bones: We should be so lucky. The guy is evil.
- Zee: Nah, he's just a grouchy old dude.
- Bones: Oh, really, Zee? When I was ten years old, I had a kite. *Awesome* kite. I could fly it so high, you couldn't see it! One day, it crashed down. I followed the string, and it ended right over there, across the street, right at the edge of his lawn.
- Zee: Ohhh...
- [leans in close]
- Zee: Did he take your kite?
- Bones: Pssh, yeah! He takes whatever lands on his lawn, but that's not the point. The point is that I saw him talking to his house... and kissing it.
- [leans in to kiss Zee, but turns away at the last second]
- Bones: Besides, everybody knows what he did to his wife.
- Zee: Why? What? What did he do to her?
- Bones: He ate her!
- [growls and tackles Zee off the couch and onto the floor]
- [after watching the house eat the two cops]
- Chowder: Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, I think I'm having a stroke!
- Chowder: We're dead. You've killed us, and we're dead!
- DJ: Shh! I don't think the house knows that we're in here. I bet it thinks we're still in the car.
- Jenny: Listen.
- [rumbling sound]
- Jenny: Sounds like it's sleeping.
- DJ: The only way that we're gonna get out of here alive is if we find the heart and put out the fire.
- Chowder: Maybe we should examine our *other* options?
- DJ: [shines his torch in Chowder's face] Sure. Other option: We wait here and do *nothing* until it wakes up and *eats us*!
- Chowder: [shields his eyes] Find the heart, put out the fire. Got it.
- Officer Lister: We are SUPER cops!
- Officer Landers: [sarcastic] Yeah, that's why I live in a condo...