The Benchwarmers (2006)
Rob Schneider: Gus
Photos
Quotes
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Gus : Man! I haven't even been on a baseball field in over 10 years.
Clark : I've never been on a baseball field, if I did, the kids in my neighborhood would spit loogies on my forehead.
Gus : Thats horrible, baseball's America's past time... thats like saying you've never had apple pie.
Gus : You've never had apple pie?
Clark : My mom said it would give me diarrhea.
Gus : That's ridiculous, Clark! You have to try it at least once!
Clark : Diarrhea?
Gus : No! Baseball!
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Gus : Nice meeting you, Fairy Jerry.
Jerry : What was that?
Gus : Well, you gave Clark and Richie nicknames. I thought I'd give you one: Fairy Jerry.
Jerry : Oh, really?
Gus : [stands up from chair] Really.
Jerry : Okay, Gus- Gus... Gus Bus! That's you, Gus Bus!
Gus : Oh, that was a brutal comeback. Come on guys, let's go. I don't think I can ever get over that one. Whew!
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Gus : [upon seeing Carlos enter] Hey, what's going on here? How come he's playing?
Wayne : Oh, ah, I couldn't play him before because he was feeling ill.
Carlos : Me tummy, es sicko.
Umpire : Well you got proof he's a kid?
Gus : Come on! Look at his beard. He's 50.
Wayne : Not according to birth certifico.
[hands umpire the crumpled up paper he saw earlier]
Umpire : [looks inside and sees 'I am 12' written in green crayon, with a picture of Carlos and $10. He carefully pockets the $10 and folds the paper back up] He's got documentation. Play ball!
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Mel : Reggie and I met at Tuba Camp when we were kids
[shows picture of Reggie and Himself playing their tubas when they were younger]
Gus : HAHA,Reggie that was you?
Reggie Jackson : [angrily] What are you laughing about?I was a cute kid.
Gus : [frightened] Oh,uh,Yes.Like a young Denzel.
Richie : [whispered to Clark] I didn't know Denzel played Erkel.
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Gus : My wife is the only one who gets to twist these man titties.
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Marcus Ellwood : Do you still think I look like Yoda?
Gus : No.
Marcus Ellwood : But Yoda's my favorite! You're a bad, bad man!
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Gus : [to Nelson] Hey. Are you the kid who got farted on earlier?
Mel : Yes. This is my son Nelson. He's become quite the fart magnet for the neighborhood bullies.
Nelson : I also get a healthy smear of animal turds twice daily.
Clark : When I was your age, Fairy Jerry dumped a bucket of dog poop on me.
Nelson : His son just did that to me last week.