- Pipp Everett, the Earl of Grey: Let's settle this the way my ancestors did!
- [Reaches for the swords hanging on the wall]
- Taj: You want to exploit me economically?
- Pipp Everett, the Earl of Grey: Roger, sometimes, the Almighty, in His infinite wisdom, likes to give a sliver of hope to the downtrodden and underprivileged to make up for their inferior haircuts and the fact they have to winter and summer in the same place.
- Seamus O'Toole: What did you say your name was again?
- Taj Badalandabad: Taj Badalandabad, your new head of house.
- Seamus O'Toole: Taj Badalandabad. That's a quite a tongue-twister.
- Taj Badalandabad: It's not that hard to say. You got it right.
- Seamus O'Toole: Yeah, but I've been drinking all day.
- Gethin: Sadie, this is Taj Badalandabad, our new head of house.
- Sadie: Alright me ol' mucker, have a shake then I ain't got the clap or nothing.
- Gethin: She means Handshake.
- Taj: Of course, of course, Hi.
- Gethin: Sadie is a cockney. It takes time to understand her words, they fit in her mouth funny.
- Taj: Lucky words. You enjoying your time at Camford, Sadie?
- Sadie: Yeah, It's alright. Blokes here are a bit stuffy here though. I mean I never thought it would be so hard finding someone worth slapping the ol' panhandle. You know, giving a blowjob. Nothing like getting your tongue around a nice fat one. Sliding it in, and out, in, and out, in, and out, in, and out. Milking it like a cow until it explodes in the back of your mouth.
- Taj: Wow, I must have an amazing ear for dialects. I understood everything she said perfectly!
- Taj: A surprise in the woods? Well, can you give me a second? Let me go repack my wallet real quick.
- Taj: Simon?
- Simon: I have... I have a problem.
- Taj: [to the other guys] Oh, my God, he's talking. Well, Simon, whatever you problem is, we're your friends, you can tell us.
- Simon: Well, you wee, it's to do with the size of my piddler.
- Taj: Your... Oh. Well, you know, it's an understood fact that a man's piddler is... Appears smaller to himself than it is in real life.
- Simon: Well, you see, that's what I'm afraid of. 'Cause according to me it has some 11 inches.
- Taj: Come again? Figuratively.