The Bad Boys of Saturday Night Live (1998 TV Special)
Roseanne Barr: Self
Quotes
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[about Dick Clark's secretary]
Roseanne : This guy gets under your skin like a chigger.
Dick Clark's Secretary : I heard that.
Roseanne : Good!
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Roseanne : Hi, I'm here to see Dick.
Dick Clark's Secretary : Okay, and you are...?
Roseanne : Are you kidding me?
Dick Clark's Secretary : No, ma'am.
Roseanne : Does the name "Roseanne Arnold" ring a bell?
Dick Clark's Secretary : Okay, and he would know you from...?
Roseanne : Maybe from what happens to be my own show, which is like number one in the Nielsens!
Dick Clark's Secretary : Right, now is that like some sort of contest or...?
Roseanne : Are you seriously this stupid? I have my own TV show, you know, like Bill Cosby.
Dick Clark's Secretary : Right. And he is...?
Roseanne : A TV star, like me.
Dick Clark's Secretary : TV...
Roseanne : Yeah, TV! A TV where an electron gun sends electron particles out gray tube and they travel over the airwaves through a satellite then back down to earth in an electronic box that unscrambles them so people can sit and stare at them?
Dick Clark's Secretary : I'm no stranger to sarcasm.
Roseanne : Listen, Peewee! Forty million people see me every Tuesday night!
Dick Clark's Secretary : I only watch PBS, you'll have to forgive me. I'm sure you're very talented. Now if you could just have a seat over there...
Roseanne : Don't you talk down to me, you little tick! I'll send you back on that mangy dog's ass you jumped off of!
Dick Clark's Secretary : Well... using that tone won't get you in any faster. If I were you, I'd have a seat and wait my turn. Now do you need a parking validation or
Roseanne : No!
[Takes a seat, and starts to light a cigarette]
Dick Clark's Secretary : Would you be a dove and not smoke? Thanks.