- Dr. Mary Albright: Okay, Dick, it's time to pick your Secret Santa.
- Dr. Dick Solomon: [confused] It's time to who for wha-wha?
- Nina: Pick a name, that's who you buy a present for.
- Dr. Dick Solomon: [excitedly] Presents? For Christmas?
- Judith: The bowl is heavy.
- Dr. Dick Solomon: I'm sorry, Judith. Let's play Secret Santa.
- [He picks up a slip of paper]
- Dr. Dick Solomon: Dr. Anthony? I barely know him.
- [He searches through the bowl]
- Nina: No, wait!
- Dr. Dick Solomon: Glansberg, Chilton, Lanell.
- Dr. Mary Albright: Dick, you don't get to choose your person. It's random.
- Nina: You pick one name, and it's a secret until the party.
- Dr. Dick Solomon: Oh.
- [Dick picks up a slip of paper, then looks at Judith with obvious glee. Judith is horrified, while Nina and Mary look at her with amusement]
- Dr. Dick Solomon: Well, I picked my name, and whoever it is hasn't the foggiest idea. From now until the party, their life will be a topsy-turvy labyrinth of mystery and intrigue.
- Judith: For the love of God, let him draw again.
- [Dick puts the slip of paper in his mouth and grins]
- [Sally, working as a gift-wrap clerk, tells a customer they're out of wrapping paper]
- Sally Solomon: We're out of everything but green foil and happy snowmen.
- Jason: Well, it's for my Mom, so...
- Sally Solomon: You got your Mom a Dust Miser? How nice. The gift that keeps on sucking.
- Santa Claus: Ha, ha, ha, I don't know what this August wants...
- Tommy Solomon: Aren't you supposed to have a list? I can't screw this up!
- Santa Claus: Ha, ha, ha... I must have left it at the North Pole...
- Tommy Solomon: Well, can't your wife fax it to you, or something?
- Santa Claus: [Pulling down his fake beard] Listen, kid - if you want to impress this August chick, you're gonna have to drop some cold, hard cash - get what I mean?
- Tommy Solomon: On what, pork butt? I need model numbers!
- Santa Claus: Get a haircut, you look like a girl!