Absolutely Fabulous (TV Series)
France (1992)
Joanna Lumley: Patsy
Quotes
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Patsy : [to the air hostess] Sullen, stingy, bloody French bitch.
Air Hostess : [drops a packet on peanuts on her lap] Madame.
Patsy : Moiselle. Mademoiselle.
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Eddie : Am I on the wrong side of the road, or the wrong side of the road? I can't go on until I'm sure.
Patsy : Keep driving, Eddy. You haven't hit anything yet.
Eddie : This is here. I should be on the right-hand side of the road.
Patsy : Look, do you want me to drive?
Eddie : Oh, so speaks the woman whose head has been lolling around like a bladder on a stick for the best part of the journey. Read the maps, get the maps.
[Patsy hands Edina a map]
Eddie : This is Spain. Read the instructions.
Patsy : "Leave airport, turn right..." Blah, blah, blah.
Eddie : Right. Now, get in, Pats. I shouldn't have gone left, should I? I mean... We're going back to that bloody airport, Pats, or we'll never find it. Oh, God! I hate France, I hate it!
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Patsy : Eddy! Rosemary's Baby has arrived with food!
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Eddie : A cockroach! A cockroach! A dead cockroach! No don't kill it, darling! I'm a Buddhist, I could come back as one of those. Oh!
Patsy : I think that one had a coronary, sweetie.
Eddie : Oh, God! Insects, insects! They followed me, those bloody insects. Insects follow me everywhere, darling. From Tuscany to the Caribbean. Insects, insects, insects! You know, I usually see pictures of glamorous houses in Marrakesh, for God's sake. You don't see spiders scuttling into the corner. You never see a picture of Jane Seymour with a centipede dangling from her bloody tiara! No, they just follow me, they bloody follow me. I mean, a mosquito has never bitten you, for God's sake!
Patsy : The last mosquito that bit me had to book into the Betty Ford Clinic.
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Bubble : [playing Monopoly] Oh, I'm broke.
Patsy : Take another mortgage. Don't give in.
Bubble : What, on a "get out of jail free" card?
Patsy : Well, try.
Saffron : I thought you were broke. Where did you get all that money from?
Patsy : Don't question me.
Saffron : Where did you get it?
Patsy : I borrowed it from the bank.
Saffron : Well, you can't do that. That's cheating.
Patsy : Listen, you little stoat. I own Park Lane. I can borrow as much money as I like.
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Patsy : [to Bubble] Listen, you little gonk. If you tell anyone what he said, I'll kill you.
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Patsy : I need to see my lawyer. I must be allowed to make that telephone call before my freedom is finally snatched away from me.
Customs Officer : That won't be necessary Miss Stone. The white powder we found was a perfectly harmless innocent substance.
Eddie : [gasps] Oh!
Customs Officer : You're all free to go.
Patsy : I beg your pardon?
Customs Officer : You're free to go. Be a bit more careful next time.
Patsy : Just hang on there! I demand that you re-test it! Come back here! I paid a, a huge amount of money for that substance! Don't tell me it was talcum powder!