- Andy Taylor: If I ever catch a certain little boy handcuffin' another little boy to a flagpole, he'll not only be a-plantin' spinach, he'll be a-eatin' it standin' up!
- Aunt Bee Taylor: [on the courthouse as an unfit place for Opie] Well, his head is always being filled with criminals and sheriffin'. I wouldn't be surprised if at Opie's next birthday party he *shoots* out the candles!
- Aunt Bee Taylor: I know what you can do.
- Opie Taylor: What?
- Aunt Bee Taylor: You can go out and plant two whole rows of spinach.
- Opie Taylor: Spinach?
- Aunt Bee Taylor: It'll be very educational. You'll see how nature performs her wonders. Why, soon you'll see it grow before your very eyes!
- Opie Taylor: But, spinach? Couldn't I see something else grow before my very eyes?
- Andy Taylor: Now, the fine is two dollars or twenty-four hours. Now, what'll it be?
- Otis Campbell: Andy, you know I always take the twenty-four hours! I wouldn't waste two dollars on somethin' that didn't have a cork in it!
- Opie Taylor: Uh-oh.
- Andy Taylor: What's the matter?
- Opie Taylor: Every time grown-ups think of something for your good, it turns out to be *not* so good.
- Opie Taylor: Hi, Otis! I see you got a snootful again!
- Andy Taylor: Opie, I don't like to hear you use words like that.
- Opie Taylor: What words, Pa?
- Andy Taylor: Snootful. You don't even know what it means.
- Opie Taylor: Sure I do, Pa! It's what Otis does that makes him walk in here crooked every week!