Are You Being Served? (TV Series)
Oh What a Tangled Web (1976)
Nicholas Smith: Mr. Rumbold
Quotes
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Mrs. Peacock : Is that her?
Mr. Cuthbert Rumbold : That is my secretary, yes.
[Mrs. Peacock breaks down sobbing]
Mr. Wilberforce Clayborne Humphries : Do you know, when I was in the navy, we had a petty officer just like that.
Mrs. Betty Slocombe : I notice she didn't burst into tears when she thought it was me.
Mr. Dick Lucas : [dryly] Funny, that.
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Captain Stephen Peacock : I sat behind the wheel all night, trying to think what to say...
[stands]
Captain Stephen Peacock : to the woman I love.
Mr. Dick Lucas : Why not, "Jump in the front for a quick cuddle?"
Captain Stephen Peacock : Foolishly, I asked Mr. Rumbold to perjure himself. Quite correctly, he refused so to do. For, after all, when the final account is balanced up in the Book of Life, we are men of integrity. What I've said is true, and I swear it, as a God-fearing man, and an ex-officer of the Royal Army Service Corps.
Mr. Cuthbert Rumbold : [after applause from the department, Mr. Rumbold stands] Mrs. Peacock, if ever I've heard the truth from the lips of a man, then I've heard it today. I'm sure you can doubt your husband no longer.
Mr. Wilberforce Clayborne Humphries : [to Mr. Grainger] I didn't think people talked like this anymore!
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Mr. Cuthbert Rumbold : Did you or did you not spend the night with Captain Peacock?
Captain Stephen Peacock : I object. Now, "spend the night" has many connotations. One can spend the night quite innocently in someone's company. If you mean, did she have an affair with me, then say so.
Mr. Cuthbert Rumbold : Oh, very well. Did you have an affair with Captain Peacock?
Miss Monica Hazlewood : Certainly not!
Captain Stephen Peacock : Thank you.
Miss Monica Hazlewood : Why, that's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard of. It's absurd. Ugh... it's unthinkable!
Captain Stephen Peacock : [indignant] You've made your point, Miss Hazelwood. A plain "no" would have been quite sufficient.