As Time Goes By (TV Series)

Going Online (2000)

Geoffrey Palmer: Lionel Hardcastle

Photos 

Quotes 

• [first lines] 

  Lionel : [on the telephone]  No, thank you. No, thank you.

  [pause] 

  Lionel : No, thank you!

  [pause] 

  Lionel : No, thank you.

  [pause] 

  Lionel : No, thank you. Goodbye.

  Jean : Friend of yours?

  Lionel : British Telecom. One of those 'are you satisfied with our services' calls. I said yes and hoped that would be it, but no, I then get ten minutes of being offered extra services.

  Jean : You weren't even listening.

  Lionel : Well, it's all getting too complicated. Do you realise you can get a special rate if you make calls between three and five o'clock in the morning providing you're standing on one leg and wearing a ginger wig?

  Jean : You turned that down!

• Lionel : When you say broke, is that a, a comparative term?

  Alistair : No, I mean stony. Lye, you are looking at yesterday's man.

  Lionel : Come on.

  Alistair : Where?

  Lionel : Home. I think you need to be with friends.

  Alistair : They all hate me.

  Lionel : Don't make difficulties. Come on.

• Lionel : That was about as subtle as a steamroller, wasn't it.

  Jean : I just think they ought to be left alone.

  Lionel : Look, you can't start matchmaking at a time like this.

  Jean : I'm not matchmaking, but when Alistair was telling his sad story, and it was sad, it was Judy he was telling it to.

  Sandy : Didn't you notice?

  Lionel : No.

  Sandy : Honestly.

  Jean : Honestly.

  Lionel : Well, I'm not psychic, am I!

• [last lines] 

  Jean : Are you sure you didn't fix it for the lights to go off?

  Lionel : No. Even with my immensely long arms, i couldn't reach from here to the cupboard under the stairs.

  Jean : No, I suppose not. 'Tis romantic, though, isn't it.

  Lionel : Yes, 'tis.

  [he chuckles] 

  Jean : Why are you smiling?

  Lionel : Well, I was just thinking of the things you could still do that require no technological expertise at all.

  Jean : Oh, Lionel, you are a rascal.

  Lionel : I have my moments.

• Jean : Have you finished your early morning grumble?

  Lionel : Yes, I think so.

  Jean : Good morning.