- Det. Ron Harris: I'll call the twinkie mobile
- Capt. Barney Miller: Harris, watch those euphemisms, huh
- Det. Phil Fish: [Bringing in prisoner] Get in there and don't be a wise guy!
- Harold Sanders: I'm not a wise guy, I guess I'm just scared.
- Capt. Barney Miller: How'd it go?
- Harold Sanders: [about hold up] It was going' good until these guys showed up.
- Det. Phil Fish: Harold Sanders, Barney, he robbed a liquor store on 14th street.
- Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz: Yeah, ya really shoulda been there Barn. The guy came out just as we got there and 'ol Fish just chased him down the street, jumped on him a got his face down to the sidewalk.
- Harold Sanders: That guy almost broke my arm!
- Det. Phil Fish: [Grinning] Yeah he was fightin' like a tiger.
- Capt. Barney Miller: Wojo, book him.
- Det. Phil Fish: No,no,no... 'I'll' do it.
- Harold Sanders: That old guy really 'loves' his work don't he?
- Det. Phil Fish: Old guy? Sit over here... I'll give you old guy, SIT DOWN! As long as there's punks out there like you, I'll be here in this room and at that desk! So you watch yourself!... old guy. When I'm too old to take care of a guy like you...
- Capt. Barney Miller: Fish. Can I see you in my office?
- Det. Phil Fish: [Mutters under breath then says] ... seen a million punks like that.
- [Grins at Yemana]
- Det. Phil Fish: ... and I'll see a million more, right?
- Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz: [to Sanders] Over here.
- Harold Sanders: [Disturbed by Fish's behavior] That guy's not normal.
- Det. Phil Fish: [after incident with Sanders] Can you believe a punk like that, what's this world coming to?
- Capt. Barney Miller: Well, it just keeps changing. Changing-changing.
- Det. Phil Fish: So it's a good thing they some of us around to keep a balance huh?
- Capt. Barney Miller: Yeah. You've done a very good job, you've got a lot to be proud of.
- Det. Phil Fish: [hesitant] Yes, Well, I better get in there & finish processing that felon.
- Capt. Barney Miller: C'mon sit down, Wojo'll take care of it.
- Det. Phil Fish: Well, I've got a lot of other work...
- Capt. Barney Miller: Well, we can take a few minutes to talk.
- Det. Phil Fish: Sure... what about?
- Capt. Barney Miller: A lot. Well, about you & me... this & that. The kind of things friends who've worked together for 18 years talk about.
- Det. Phil Fish: [stalling] Look, if I don't finish I'll have to work late on Monday.
- Capt. Barney Miller: [concerned] There is no work on Monday!
- Det. Phil Fish: Look, If I don't fini...
- Capt. Barney Miller: There is no more work! You are retiring today!
- Det. Phil Fish: Oh no. No,no,no... you got it all wrong Barney, I'm not retiring so fast.
- Capt. Barney Miller: Fish , I know it's painful and it's even unfair... but you've got to face the reality, that IS the reality and you gotta face it or you'll wind up like that 'twinkie' in the cage out there. Fish, you've earned the right to do something else, to do what you want to do, what you'd enjoy doing.
- Det. Phil Fish: [ignoring] .Anyway, I walked here from Brooklyn. I had a lot of time to think things over. You know, the trouble this city is in and you know how hard it is to get good men Barney.
- Capt. Barney Miller: [quietly] The rules say you have to retire at 63.
- Det. Phil Fish: Rules are made by men and rules can be changed by men! I know the Commissioner, I've known him for 20 years and I'm going to have a talk with him... I'll talk to him and everything's gonna be alright.
- Capt. Barney Miller: [with desperation in voice] This is not the last day of your life Fish.
- Det. Phil Fish: I'm a man with a record Barney, you think they're going to force ME out? NOT ME! A man with my experiences? My accommodations? NOT ME!
- [sad,voice breaks]
- Det. Phil Fish: ... Not me .
- Det. Phil Fish: [opens his present] What is it?
- Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz: It's a New York City municipal bond.
- Det. Sgt. Nick Yemana: Oh my God.
- Det. Phil Fish: A New York City municipal bond?
- Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz: Yeah. Hey, it's worth a thousand dollars when it matures.
- Det. Phil Fish: If it matures... in 1997... I would have been 83.