- [exhibiting the victims of her formula that transforms people into plants]
- Poison Ivy: This dog of a dogwood leveled enough trees to shade a small state.
- [goes to another]
- Poison Ivy: And weep not for this willow. She destroyed an old-growth forest, to produce cardboard. CARDBOARD!
- Poison Ivy: And I thought you believed in justice!
- Batman: Justice, yes. But not the vengeance of an eco-terrorist. You're as destructive as those you punish.
- Bruce Wayne: [on the phone] I don't care how much money we'll lose! I won't have Wayne Enterprises involved with an operation that destroys a rainforest! Shut it down, or you're *gone*!
- [he hangs up and switches to his Batman voice]
- Bruce Wayne: One of my greedy directors made a deal with a slash-and-burn outfit in the Amazon.
- Alfred Pennyworth: Well, it's fortunate you learned of the deal in time to stop it.
- Bruce Wayne: I hate when things slip by me.
- [Bruce offers Alfred and Maggie his tickets to a spa getaway]
- Alfred Pennyworth: [stiffly] I'm afraid it's quite out of the question.
- [cut to Alfred riding shotgun in Maggie's car]
- Alfred Pennyworth: [grumbling] I've been Shanghaied.
- Batman: Computer log, continuing. The active ingredient in the demetrite formula is a chlorophyll-based enzyme. Analysis indicates that it does affect human cellular membranes. I am now combining equal amounts of the enzyme to human plasma.
- [as he does so, a plant root sprouts from the test tube and coils itself around his bicep]
- Batman: What the...?
- Bruce Wayne: Hey, good news. I just heard all of Poison Ivy's victims are expected to recover.
- Maggie Page: Bruce, please. The plant. Must you?
- Bruce Wayne: [realizing] Oh. Maybe I'd better leave this outside.
- Maggie Page: [to Alfred] Nice man, but sometimes, not too bright.
- Maggie Page: [in the hospital] Alfred, do you realize this is the second weekend in a row we've spent together? This relationship is branching out.
- Alfred Pennyworth: Maggie, please. After our encounter with "Joan of Bark" the last thing I want to be reminded of is plants.
- Alfred Pennyworth: Good to see you, sir.
- Batman: You too, Alfred. What's with the jungle?
- Alfred Pennyworth: Oh, I thought this drab old cave could use a little color. How does it look?
- Batman: Green.
- Alfred Pennyworth: Yes, so lovely.
- [sighing contentedly]
- Alfred Pennyworth: I feel all this decorating has given me a dreadful thirst.
- Batman: What's that?
- Alfred Pennyworth: Special spa water, sir. With a drop or two of Dr. Demeter's formula. Wonderful stuff, this demetrite.
- Poison Ivy: You go after the wrong people, Batman.
- Batman: Poison Ivy. Only you would identify yourself with Demeter, the Greek goddess of plants.
- Poison Ivy: This spray is triple-strength, Batman. It will start the transformation without any preliminaries.
- [seeing he's not affected]
- Poison Ivy: He should be sprouting leaves by now.
- Batman: [breaking out of his restraints] You made your secret too accessible, Ivy. I coated my outfit with an herbicidal antidote.
- Alfred Pennyworth: Yes, Master Bruce, I did ask about that lady, as you requested. But it seems she left by herself two weekends ago. But why anyone would want to leave this place is beyond me.
- Bruce Wayne: [hearing him chortle] Alfred, are you okay?
- Alfred Pennyworth: Never better, sir. Everywhere I turn, I see another sign of nature's...
- [seeing Maggie in a mud bath]
- Alfred Pennyworth: ...uh, beauty. I assure you that when I return, I'll be feeling like a new man.
- Commissioner James Gordon: It's a real brain-buster, my friend. No ransom note, no goodbye note, no nothing. And she's not the only vanishing industrialist. Three more were reported this week.
- Batman: I'll search her penthouse.
- Commissioner James Gordon: Good luck. We put that place under a microscope, and all we got was eyestrain. Maybe your Bat-radar can...
- [seeing he's gone]
- Commissioner James Gordon: D... oh, never mind.
- Maggie Page: [watching the Eternal Youth video] You might want to try this, Bruce, with your late nights and all.
- Bruce Wayne: My weekends are shot, Maggie. But if you and Alfred would like to go in my place...
- Alfred Pennyworth: Uh, thank you, sir, but we couldn't possibly accept. It-It's much too generous.
- Bruce Wayne: I thought they said it was free.
- Maggie Page: They did. Oh, Alfie, don't be an old fogey. A little fresh air would do us both some good, and you have been promising to take me somewhere.