- Rebecca Howe: [about Woody's pig, which she has in her arms] Oh, he's shivering. Should we cover him with something?
- Woody Boyd: Well, not really. Maybe some honey glaze and a little pineapple.
- Woody Boyd: You know, back in Hanover, they say pigs are smarter than people. Actually, it's usually the tourists that point that out.
- Susan Metheny: [to her kindergarten class] Now remember, tomorrow, we're going to visit the zoo, so everybody bring your permission slips.
- Toni: What's the zoo again?
- Susan Metheny: Ah, it's a place where they have a lot of animals.
- Amanda: Even tigers?
- Susan Metheny: Yes, they have tigers at the zoo.
- Shane: What if the tigers eat us?
- Susan Metheny: That's why you need your permission slips.
- Rebecca Howe: [about Woody's pig that he intends to make a Christmas ham out of] Oh, he would make the best pet. Hey, Woody, would you consider selling him?
- Woody Boyd: No, but I'll share him.
- Rebecca Howe: You will?
- Woody Boyd: Sure. The day after Christmas, I'll bring you some sandwiches.
- Woody Boyd: Miss Howe, you aren't gonna believe this. Guess who showed up at my folks' back door last night?
- Rebecca Howe: Who?
- Woody Boyd: Snuffles. Yeah, I guess he found his way onto the back of a truck that was headed that way. I told you he was smart.
- Rebecca Howe: I can't believe this. You see, he traveled all that distance to get home where he was safe and sound. This is a Christmas miracle!
- Woody Boyd: I'll say.
- [to the guys at the bar after Rebecca leaves]
- Woody Boyd: Mom said he was delicious.
- Carla Tortelli: [notices Rebecca carrying Woody's pig] What are you gonna do?
- Rebecca Howe: I'm gonna save a life. I'm gonna drive Snuffles way out in the country and give him his freedom. He'll be free! Free, I tell you! And he'll always remember the person who gave him his freedom... Rebecca Howe! This is the best thing I've ever done.
- [she heads out the door]
- Carla Tortelli: I don't mind saying, that is one screwed up broad.