- Charlene Sinclair: Whoa! Refrigerator Day without presents is like... like two things that go together, only one of them isn't there, so the other one doesn't have the other thing to go with it!
- Robbie Sinclair: Who says you're not deep?
- Fran Sinclair: [Attempting to return the gifts] We want to give you these things and have you give us our money back.
- Richard: That makes no sense whatsoever.
- Baby Sinclair: What's Refrigerator Day?
- Ethyl: I already told you.
- Baby Sinclair: Oh, was I listening?
- Ethyl: Refrigerator Day is the day when dinosaurs celebrate the one invention that made modern civilization possible.
- Baby Sinclair: Diapers?
- Ethyl: No, although that was an important one too, especially in summer.
- Earl: This is terrible. I've failed my family. I'm nothing. I'm dirt.
- Robbie Sinclair: You're not dirt, Dad.
- Earl: No, you're right, I'm beneath dirt. I look up to dirt. I wish I was dirt. Dirt laughs at me!
- Fran Sinclair: Earl, it'll be okay.
- Earl: No it won't, Fran. This is gonna be the worst Refrigerator Day EVER.
- Earl: I'm sorry I ruined your first Refrigerator Day. Go ahead, Junior. Bang my head real hard with this pot.
- Baby Sinclair: That's gettin' old.
- Richard: So, had yourself a little pageant, huh?
- Earl: A little pageant? We just had ourselves the most wonderful pageant imaginable. It had significance. It had sincere family value. It had a spirituality that made me realize what this holiday is all about.
- Richard: The one we do at the department store has an orchestra and lasers.
- Earl: Ooh!
- Fran Sinclair: Earl!
- Richard: Plus, everyone who attends is entitled to 35% of all ladies' sportswear.
- Fran Sinclair: Whoo!
- Earl: You retail guys are certainly giving new meaning to the holidays.
- Fran Sinclair: Now listen all of you! Our ancestors didn't *have* refrigerators. That's what this whole day is about, we remember what they didn't have, so we can appreciate what we do have: a lovely family, a beautiful home, all our hopes for the future. If you think about it my way, we're blessed.
- Earl Sinclair: If you think about it my way, you'd go to the garage to hang yourself.
- Fran Sinclair: Earl, I want us to do the pageant.
- Earl Sinclair: At the risk of sounding immature,
- [whines]
- Earl Sinclair: I don't want to!
- Fran Sinclair: Earl, we do the pageant every year, and if you won't do it, we'll just do it without you.
- Robbie Sinclair: [watching a holiday themed paint commercial on TV] Using Refrigerator Day to sell paint kind of cheapens the holiday, doesn't it?
- Charlene Sinclair: Oh who's to say? That's one of those big confusing moral issues.
- Robbie Sinclair: We could get the fridge back.
- Charlene Sinclair: [sarcastically] Oh right, Rob, let's just go to the store and swipe it, I'll take my extra large purse.
- Earl: I'm not getting my bonus and we're broke.
- [Fran gasps]
- Charlene Sinclair: You already bought our presents?
- Earl: Yes.
- Charlene Sinclair: So what's the problem?
- Fran Sinclair: The problem is we have bills to pay, now what're we going to do?
- Charlene Sinclair: [to Robbie] Well he got the presents, I still don't see a problem.
- Fran Sinclair: Earl, it's your line.
- Earl: I don't want to!
- Fran Sinclair: This is a family tradition and without you, we're *not* a family.