Dinosaurs (TV Series)

The Last Temptation of Ethyl (1992)

Stuart Pankin: Earl Sinclair

Quotes 

• Charlene : [Ethyl's unconscious]  Grandma, can you say something?

  Robbie Sinclair : Hey look, look, I think she's coming around.

  Earl Sinclair : No no no no no, no the hole's already dug, let's get on with it.

  Ethyl Phillups : Not so fast fat boy.

  [takes Earl's shovel and hits him in the face with it] 

  Earl Sinclair : [groans]  I knew I should've had her cremated.

  [falls down unconscious] 

  Ethyl Phillups : .Where am I?

  Robbie Sinclair : Grandma, we brought you home from the station. We were worried.

  Charlene : Yeah, we better call your producer, I mean he thought you were dead.

  Ethyl Phillups : Let him think whatever he wants, I'm not going back.

  Fran Sinclair : But why, Mom? I thought you loved talking about the afterlife.

  Ethyl Phillups : I do, Fran, but if I'm ever gonna go back, I can't just sit around watching the grass grow. What I'm going to do is enjoy life and love each and every one of you... starting tomorrow.

  Fran Sinclair : Why not today?

  Ethyl Phillups : Because today, there's a perfectly good hole in the backyard and we're gonna bury fat boy in it.

  Earl Sinclair : [comes around]  What?

  [Ethyl hits him with the shovel again and he's knocked unconscious] 

  Baby : Again!

  [hits his toy dinosaur on the head with a toy shovel and laughs] 

• Fran Sinclair : Earl, you're watching TV in here and mother's watching TV in there. Wouldn't it be nicer if you both watched TV together?

  Earl : Only if the TV was crushing her head.

• [Earl had just gone into the kitchen to say hi to Ethyl] 

  Roy : How did it go?

  Earl : It was one of the most pleasant conversations we've ever had. She wasn't rude. She wasn't obnoxious. She didn't hit me... Oh my God, she's dead.

• Earl : [Earl is reading an apology card to Fran]  What can I say? I've ruined your day / and made you all angry and surly / How could I make such a thoughtless mistake / And bury your mother, too early?

  [Fran doesn't respond] 

  Earl : Aw, come on, Fran! They wouldn't make the card, if this didn't happen all the time!

• Narrator : ...Ethyl's seemingly dead body was being buried by simple-minded son-in-law Earl, and his dim-witted friend Ray.

  Roy Hess : Hey! That's an ourage! They got my name wrong.

  Earl Sinclair : That is supposed to be me? That doesn't even look anything like me!

  Baby : Not the mama!

  Earl Sinclair : And why are we watching this show anyway? I wanna watch the puppet show on the other channel.

  Fran Sinclair : That's a kid's show.

  Earl Sinclair : Not so. They do some very sophisticated juxtapositions of reality.

  Fran Sinclair : It'll last a year.

• Fran : Earl, what are you doing with that shovel?

  Earl : Shovel? Um, Franny, life is like the tide. It goes in, it goes out. It washes out the old and washes in the new... I used it to bury your mother.

• [Ethyl has died the second time and into the afterlife] 

  Louie : [echoing]  Ethyl! Ethyl!

  [Ethyl sees her late husband in a bubble] 

  Ethyl : Louie, is that really you?

  Louie : Hiya, cupcake!

  Ethyl : Oh, Louie it's so good to see you! Am I finally good and dead?

  Louie : Not yet.

  Ethyl : Oh, will you guys stop jerking my chain! I'm dead, I'm alive, I'm dead, I'm alive. If I wake up with dirt in my mouth again...

  Louie : Take it easy, cupcake, they sent me here with a message: stop pushing the afterlife.

  Ethyl : But Louie, it's so beautiful up here.

  Louie : It's just as beautiful where you are, Ethyl. It's more beautiful, because it's life; and you only get a little bit of it. And if you don't live every day of your life to the fullest, you have an eternity to regret it.

  Ethyl : But Louie, I miss you.

  Louie : I miss you too, sweetheart. But it's not your time yet.

  Ethyl : Will we be together, Louie?

  Louie : Soon enough, cupcake, but you've got to go back now; and stop trying to make a buck off the afterlife. Dinosaurs who sell the afterlife may not ever see the afterlife. They may end up someplace not so nice. Look what's waiting for you.

  [Louie shows Ethyl a door titled 'Place Not So Nice', as it opens, five replicas of Earl Sinclair are in the family room] 

  Earl : [five, in unison]  Hi, Ethyl! Come on in!

  Ethyl : [screams]  *No*!