Family Matters (TV Series)

Food, Lies and Videotape (1992)

Susan Krebs: Ms. Steuben

Quotes 

• Ms. Steuben : [after seeing Waldo's assignment]  Waldo, this is superior work. I'm going to give you an 'A'.

  Waldo Geraldo Faldo : Wow. I never got an 'A' before. Could you write that 'A' down on a piece of paper? I wanna read it to my mom.

• Steve Urkel : Ms Steuben, you taught Laura to slow down and stop taking short cuts. And you taught Cassie Lynn Nubbles, the posterchild for useless people, how to do things for herself. And, my God, look what you've done to Waldo. Do you have any idea how much you changed him?

  Ms. Steuben : Well, I guess he's changed a little.

  Steve Urkel : A little? Why, because of you, he's swapping recipes with Wolfgang Puck. And, he's got something that he didn't have before. Self respect.

• Steven Quincy Urkel : Come on, yeast! Rise! You can do it!

  Ms. Steuben : Steve, it's not a good sign when you have to give your bread a pep talk.

• Ms. Steuben : Listen, now, you tried as hard as you could and I'm gonna be generous and give you a C.

  Steve Urkel : A what? A what?

  Ms. Steuben : A C. A C!

  Steve Urkel : But... but, I never... I never got less than... than an A.

  Ms. Steuben : So?

  Steve Urkel : So, I can't live with that! Why, it'll ruin my transcript!

  Ms. Steuben : Get a hold of yourself, Steven.

  Steve Urkel : I can't! I can't! Oh, the room is spinning. Oh, yes it is! I... I'm getting dizzy. Oh my God! I feel stupid!

• Steve Urkel : You're a wonderful teacher.

  Ms. Steuben : No, I'm a nervous teacher! I have a muscle in my forehead that will not stop jerking!

• Ms. Steuben : All right, class. This semester we're... Steven, you'd better get going. You're late for class.

  Steve Urkel : Oh, no I'm not. I'm in this class.

  Ms. Steuben : That's... that's not funny, Steven.

  Steve Urkel : Oh, I'm not joking. So, what's cookin', good lookin'?

  [laughs] 

  Ms. Steuben : Uh, excuse us... just a minute.

  [Pulls Steve to other side of room] 

  Ms. Steuben : Steven, last semester I specifically asked you what class you would not be taking this semster and you told me HOME EC!

  Steve Urkel : Well, yes, I did.

  Ms. Steuben : But... here you are. It's not fair.

• Steve Urkel : You teach us more than just things out of a textbook. Why, you teach us things about life!

  Ms. Steuben : Oh, you really think so?

  Steve Urkel : Look, I know the pay is lousy, the hours are long, and you hardly ever get the credit you deserve. But, you're a teacher, Ms. Steuben, and a daaarrn good one.

• Ms. Steuben : I'm going to give you an A.

  Waldo : [pause]  Wow! Could you write that A down on a piece of paper? I wanna take it home and read it to my mom.

• [after Steve's Urk-yeast exploded all over the room] 

  Steve Urkel : Ms. Steuben... I told the janitor about our little problem here.

  Ms. Steuben : Is he coming?

  Steve Urkel : Uh... no. He opted for early retirement.

  Ms. Steuben : I think he has the right idea.

• Ms. Steuben : [about Cassie Lynn's store bought bread]  You could at least have taken it out of the wrapper.

  Cassie Lynn : Are you insinuating I didn't bake this?

• Ms. Steuben : [Laura speeds through bakin her bread]  You missing something, Laura?

  Laura : No.

  [Ms. Steuben reaches in the bread and pulls out Laura's watch] 

  Laura : Hey look at that, takes a licking and keeps on ticking.

• Ms. Steuben : Waldo, this is a beautiful bird, but the assignment was bread.

  Waldo Geraldo Faldo : I did it.

  [holds up a loaf pan with braided bread] 

  Waldo Geraldo Faldo : But I got done early so I decided to start on some stuffing, then I needed something to stuff, so I went out and got a gobbler.