- Philip Banks: My God, is that Will?
- Vivian Banks: [sarcastically] No, Phil, it's Richard Nixon in a Will mask.
- Carlton Banks: No, Mom, I think that's really Will.
- Vivian Banks: Hilary, you are not to have men in the pool house.
- Carlton Banks: I hate to tell tales out of school, but Trevor keeps a makeup case there.
- Hilary Banks: That's a lie!
- Carlton Banks: Is not!
- Hilary Banks: Stand on a chair and say that to my face!
- Hilary Banks: Oprah, believe me, my dad is a great guy. When I lost my job and he kicked me out of the house, he let me live out back.
- Oprah Winfrey: He kicked you out of the house?
- Carlton Banks: Well, he didn't actually kick her out of the house. He just changed all the locks and told her she didn't live there anymore.
- Vivian Banks: [to Hilary] Why is Trevor living in the pool house?
- William 'Will' Smith: Yes, Hilary, why is Trevor living in the pool house?
- Oprah Winfrey: [hands Will some tickets] And here.
- William 'Will' Smith: What are these?
- Oprah Winfrey: Two tickets to the Donahue Show! Oh, and tell Phil that Oprah says "Hi!"
- Audience Member: If you ask me, your whole damn family is crazy.
- William 'Will' Smith: I'm not gonna blow up. If this was in Philly, it might have to be something, but we're on T.V., I'm just gonna chill.
- Audience Member: And if your mama sent you out there to live with them, then she's crazy too.
- William 'Will' Smith: Man, don't nobody talk about my mama!