- Nurse Petty: Max, you're supposed to be in therapy.
- Max Jakey: I played there 40 years ago. Bad theater, lousy audience.
- Vivian Banks: [when Uncle Phil and Aunt Viv are in Geoffrey's room] He's not here, Phillip. Let's go.
- Philip Banks: Vivian, do you really want Hilary to find out she was conceived during a Sly Stone concert?
- [they search the room. Uncle Phil sits on the bed and everyone under it cries out]
- Philip Banks: All right. Everybody out.
- [everyone gets out from under the bed]
- Vivian Banks: What are you doing here?
- William 'Will' Smith: What are YOU doing here? And I hope those concert tickets weren't front row.
- Hilary Banks: Is that why you always play "Hot Fun in the Summertime" on my birthday?
- Carlton Banks: And where was I conceived?
- William 'Will' Smith: Probably at a white sale.
- William 'Will' Smith: I thought you died.
- Max Jakey: In Pittsburgh I died, it wasn't my fault, I was opening for a seal.
- Max Jakey: [running in] Faster, faster, faster.
- Nurse Petty: Max, running around like this could be fatal.
- Max Jakey: Fine, you die and I'll get a new nurse.