- Tim Taylor: [Repairing a hair dryer] There we go. Good as new.
- Karen Kelly: You can't tell me that actually works.
- [Tim switches it on and it blows hot air]
- Karen Kelly: I'm impressed!
- Tim Taylor: It doesn't take a genius to fix a hair dryer!
- Jill Taylor: That's why we asked you!
- Jill Taylor: [Reading a chain letter] A naval officer in Borneo disregarded this letter and three days later he was decapitated.
- Tim Taylor: [Looking at the letter] You read it wrong. It says a head waiter got his naval cut off!
- Tim Taylor: [to Al] You do NOT have good luck!
- Lisa: Al, I almost forgot. The heat is broken in my apartment. Can I stay in your place tonight?
- Al Borland: [Tim and Al stare at each other in disbelief] Sure, Lisa!
- Tim Taylor: This is a building show... what would you like to build?
- George Foreman: How about a sandwich?
- Tim Taylor: Actually, we were gonna build a staircase.
- George Foreman: I never eat a staircase!
- Tim Taylor: Are you a superstitious man, Wilson?
- Wilson Wilson, Jr.: No I'm not Tim.
- [Knocks a wooden bench with his knuckles]
- Wilson Wilson, Jr.: Knock wood!
- Al Borland: I'm just saying, all day I've had good luck. I found $20 on the sidewalk. And this morning, I won a shovel on a radio contest.
- Tim Taylor: A shovel! You must be listening to "Grave Digging with Gus!"
- Tim Taylor: Has there ever been a challenge you've been unable to meet?
- George Foreman: There was this seafood buffet once... I wanted to eat 16 plates of fried shrimp. But when I got to the 13th plate, I had trouble. Started to stagger.
- Tim Taylor: What about the 14th plate?
- George Foreman: TKO! Totally Keeled Over!