- Elliot DiMauro: It's really flattering.
- Nina Van Horn: Unlike those hideous cargo pants. Change them or else.
- Elliot DiMauro: Or else what?
- [Nina splashes hot coffee on Elliot's pants]
- Elliot DiMauro: Ow, it's hot!
- Nina Van Horn: We're a fashion magazine, people. We're supposed to be setting an example. God, am I the only one who takes this seriously?
- Jack Gallo: An au pair is a live-in baby sitter.
- Nina Van Horn: They work for room and board. They're usually foreigners.
- Dennis Finch: Are they all that hot?
- Nina Van Horn: Pretty much. The INS does a good job of screening out the uggos.
- Jack Gallo: It's a controversial policy, but one that works.
- Dennis Finch: Kevin, I'm sorry I can't be with you tonight. I have something I'm working on.
- Kevin Liotta: What?
- Dennis Finch: Details are top secret, but I'm planning on having sex tonight.
- Karen: Why is there a hanger on your back.
- Dennis Finch: Huh? Oh. All the great artists have hangers on their back when they paint. Picasso, Van Gogh, Spagetti-O...
- Karen: Would you like an omelet?
- Nina Van Horn: Sure. Put it in a martini glass with gin and no eggs.
- Dennis Finch: You shot the cover of Rolling Stone? Wow, man. I'm impressed.
- Elliot DiMauro: Thanks. Coming from you, that means a lot.
- Dennis Finch: Wait a minute. Are you being sarcastic?
- Elliot DiMauro: No. Are you?
- Dennis Finch: No. You?
- Elliot DiMauro: I'll tell you what. We'll both answer together on the count of three. Ready? One, two, three.
- Elliot DiMauro, Dennis Finch: Nnnnnoooooyyyeeeeesssss... No!
- Elliot DiMauro: I think we just had a moment.
- Dennis Finch: No, we didn't because I was messing with you. Hey, everyone! Elliot thought we had a moment!
- Maya Gallo: You are trying to manipulate this poor woman and I want no part of it.
- Kevin Liotta: What is your problem? Leave him alone.
- Maya Gallo: What?
- Kevin Liotta: Why are you trying to control everything?
- Maya Gallo: But he's doing something wrong.
- Kevin Liotta: So, you're not the world's policeman. Did you ever think that people might like you better if you didn't boss everyone around?
- Maya Gallo: My God, you're right. Thank you, Kevin.
- Kevin Liotta: You're welcome. I am a student of people.
- Dennis Finch: You have excellent qualifications, Esperanza. Unfortunately, I will not be able to hire you as my au pair for one simple reason. I have fallen in love with you. Every time you speak, every time you laugh, it stirs something in me like the wooden flutes and giant guitars of your native Peru. Let's say after dinner we go to my house for a romantic night of doing it.
- [Esperanza throws her drink in Dennis' face]
- Elliot DiMauro: And you never trusted anyone ever again.
- Jack Gallo: Except for Bisquit. Until he bit me. But he got his.