- Nina Van Horn: You know what? I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna be celibate.
- [Maya laughs as she passes by]
- Elliot DiMauro: Don't let that discourage you, all right? That's only one person's opinion.
- Jack Gallo: [from inside his office] Nina? Ha ha ha!
- Jack Gallo: We just need to find someone who can pass for a high school kid.
- Maya Gallo: Yeah, but where?
- Dennis Finch: He he! You said "buttwear."
- Jack Gallo: It's just for one day. Stanley can fill in for you.
- Kevin Liotta: It's Kevin.
- Jack Gallo: You don't look like a Kevin.
- Kevin Liotta: I know. I don't feel like a Kevin.
- Mr. Peters: What's your name, young man?
- Dennis Finch: D. Finch.
- Mr. Peters: And the D stands for?
- Dennis Finch: D-cup, that's the way I like my ladies.
- Maya Gallo: Nina, your boyfriend is sitting behind my desk naked smoking a cigar.
- Nina Van Horn: That is so romantic.
- Nina Van Horn: I spent the entire weekend watching the tape of my A&E Biography, and I've realized a few things.
- Elliot DiMauro: How many don't involve your looks or your weight?
- Nina Van Horn: Four.
- Elliot DiMauro: Or your hair?
- Nina Van Horn: One.
- Elliot DiMauro: Make it quick.
- Dennis Finch: I hated high school the first time around. I was too fragile to play sports, never have a date, never went to the prom...
- Maya Gallo: But you must have had friends.
- Dennis Finch: Just a bunch of guys who called me Denise and took my pants.
- Krissy: You know, your mind games may work on Mr. Peters, but not me. I dont' have any secrets, I have nothing to hide.
- Dennis Finch: Good for you. By the way, nice nose job.
- Krissy: Shut up, D-bag!
- Miguel: When I come back, I will turn the charm up from uno to ocho.
- Elliot DiMauro: What airline do you work for?
- Jack Gallo: I'm telling you, he has the voice of an angel.
- Elliot DiMauro: Aha. And a basement full of hitchhikers.
- Maya Gallo: You're a 33-year old going on a date with a high school cheerleader!
- Dennis Finch: Head cheerleader. Top of the pyramid.
- Maya Gallo: [sarcastic] Oh, bitchin'.
- Dennis Finch: First of all, no one says "bitchin'" anymore. And secondly, it is bitchin'. I'm going back to high school and this time I'm doing it right.
- Elliot DiMauro: [after Nina resists Miguel] I'm proud of you, Nina. Come on. I'll buy you a drink.
- Nina Van Horn: I can't.
- Elliot DiMauro: Why not?
- Nina Van Horn: Because if I move, I'll have an orgasm.
- Krissy: I've totally fallen in love you, and nothing you say can change that.
- Dennis Finch: Oh, Krissy. I'm 33 years old. I know that might be cool to your gang...
- Krissy: Ew!
- Dennis Finch: Let me explain...
- Krissy: Ew! Ew, ew, ew! D-cup is 33! The old guy totally wanted to perv on me at the lake!
- Mr. Peters: Very nice. That's going to look real good on your permanent record.
- Dennis Finch: Oh, no. Not my permanent record. Now I can't be an English teacher and wear a high-energy sweater vest.
- Mr. Peters: I warn you.
- Dennis Finch: Let me guess. You became an English teacher just until you could finish your serious novel.
- Mr. Peters: That's enough.
- Dennis Finch: And you it's fifteen years later, and you're afraid to show it to your wife because it's not any good.
- Mr. Peters: It's a work in progress!
- Nina Van Horn: Who knows what I could have accomplished if I hadn't been sidetracked by men? I could have been president, or a teacher, or at least mastered multiplication and goes into.
- Dennis Finch: Sorry I went all Road Rules on you.
- Krissy: Oh, it was more than Road Rules. It was Real World Hawaii.
- Nina Van Horn: I looked straight at the navel of the beast and said, "No, gracias."
- Dennis Finch: I had a chance to D-Finch a high-school girl, possibly in a paddle boat, and I too said, "No, gracias."
- Nina Van Horn: Mine was Spanish.
- Dennis Finch: Mine took Spanish.