M*A*S*H (TV Series)
Movie Tonight (1977)
Larry Linville: Maj. Frank Burns
Photos
Quotes
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Hawkeye : And now for the moment no one has been waiting for: the Father Mulcahy sound-alike contest.
[Father Mulcahy passes him his hat]
Hawkeye : [imitating Mulcahy] My word, Hawkeye, this jocularity is most unseemly.
[tosses hat to Klinger]
Cpl. Maxwell Klinger : [imitating Mulcahy, in squeaky voice] How can you make jokes at a time like this? Ooh.
[passes hat to Frank Burns]
Maj. Frank Burns : [in high voice] The post-op is collapsing and the O.R. is on fire.
[passes hat to Margaret]
Margaret : [in high voice] And somebody has broken into the sacramental wine.
[tosses hat to Radar]
Radar : Sorry, Father.
[puts on hat; imitates Mulcahy]
Radar : It seems that Private Simpson has come down with a case of hepatitis. He's the most *remarkable* shade of yellow.
[tosses hat to Colonel Potter]
Col. Sherman Potter : [in high voice] Jocularity! Jocularity!
[tosses hat to Father Mulcahy]
Father Francis Mulcahy : Let me just say this about all these impersonations...
[everybody groans in protest]
Hawkeye : That's definitely the Mills Brothers.
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Col. Potter : What's the problem now, Burns?
Frank Burns : Well sir, I'm the garbage officer
Col. Potter : We all know that.
Frank Burns : And there's been a tremendous waste of food, especially rutabaga, lima beans and liver.
Col. Potter : Is that a surprise to you?
Frank Burns : What if the enemy got ahold of this?
Col. Potter : We'd win the war.
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Hawkeye : Frank, let me use your pen.
Frank Burns : No.
Hawkeye : Come on, Frank!
Frank Burns : N-O! No.
Hawkeye : Why not?
Frank Burns : Because it's used to the way I write.
Hawkeye : It's used to: stupid
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Maj. Frank Burns : Gee whiz, that's terrific. I haven't seen a good movie in ages.
Hawkeye : Frank, don't be childish. It's only a movie.
[Frank walks away]
Hawkeye : Oh, boy! Oh, boy! A movie! Hee, hee, hee! I'm so excited, I could plotz!
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Frank Burns : [singing] The nurses in the Army they think they're pretty smart. I'd like to take a scalpel and stab them in the heart.
[Chuckles]
Frank Burns : This is fun.
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Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce : Frank, go make yourself useful.
Maj. Frank Burns : I'm a supervisor. I don't have to be useful.
Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce : Well, you're doing a great job.
Maj. Frank Burns : Oh, go stuff a goose.