- Baron Himmelstern: Ah, Herr Maverick. We were just talking about you.
- Bret Maverick: Saying complimentary things, I hope?
- Baron Himmelstern: Is there something else one could say about you?
- Bret Maverick: Not if you're honest about it.
- [first lines]
- [Baron Thor and another man argue in German. The stabs, then throws the other man overboard just before Bret comes on deck]
- Bret Maverick: Good evening.
- Baron Himmelstern: Ah, Guten abend.
- Bret Maverick: Thought I heard a splash.
- Baron Himmelstern: Ja, I heard it, too. It must be one of those, uh, porporses.
- Bret Maverick: A porpoise in the middle of the Mississippi? Not very likely. Oh, it was probably a catfish jumping.
- Baron Himmelstern: Ah-ha, a catfish. Now that I think, I remember I hear a little meow.
- [last lines]
- Captain Nelson: Going back to Natchez, huh, Mr. Maverick?
- Bret Maverick: Yeah, I got to recoup my losses.
- Captain Nelson: Game of Red Dog in the salon. Why don't you join it.
- Bret Maverick: That's not my game.
- Captain Nelson: Being run by a female. Beautiful gal, even though she is wearing a purple wig.
- Willie Saffron: Little strapped, sir?
- Bret Maverick: I ran into a pretty girl yesterday who took me to the cleaners and didn't even leave me a laundry mark.
- Willie Saffron: The ladies, bless 'em. They do figure out ways to worm their selves into a man's bankroll, don't they?
- Felice de Lassignac #1: Uh, Thor, honey, don't you think it'd be nice if I came with you?
- Baron Thor von Und Zu Himmelstern: You mean you don't trust me, liebchen?
- Felice de Lassignac #1: Well, I mean, I trust you just as much as you trust me. In other words, not a bit.
- Felice de Lassignac #1: Are you faithful to me, Thor?
- Baron Thor von Und Zu Himmelstern: Until death.
- Felice de Lassignac #1: Oh, well, I'm sure that's much more reassuring than it sounds.
- Bessie Bison: I'm every bit as lonesome as you are.
- Bret Maverick: But you've got Willie.
- Bessie Bison: I ain't got Willie, Mr. Maverick. I got a promissory note called Willie Saffron, which he keeps forgettin' to sign. How long do you think people should be engaged before they get married?
- Bret Maverick: Well, I think that depends...
- Bessie Bison: Well, I been dependin' on Willie for the last seven years without anything happenin'. I mean, every time I ask him "Please, Willie, let's set a positive date", he keeps hemmin' and hawin', hemmin' and hawin'. I mean, he's the best hemmer and hawer I ever saw! Instead of sayin', "Okay, maybe Tuesday, like Wednesday, Thurs...", he keeps puttin' me off and gives me a hunk of jewelry.