- [while Stottlemeyer and Monk question Harold Krenshaw, Stottlemeyer takes a bite of a coconut donut]
- Harold Krenshaw: Now you have to eat a sugar one.
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Don't want a sugar one.
- Adrian Monk: Then you could take three more coconuts and two chocolate.
- Harold Krenshaw: Or two coconuts and two glazed.
- Adrian Monk: Or he could just eat all of them. That would be easier.
- Harold Krenshaw: That's a good idea.
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Or, I can do this.
- [takes the box, mashes it, then folds it in half, and pokes a hole in the middle]
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: There. Now there's *one* donut. One big damn donut.
- [Monk, Natalie, and Randy have barely avoided a grenade explosion. Stottlemeyer talks to Monk]
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Disher told me that you put the grenade in the refrigerator.
- Adrian Monk: Oh. Yeah.
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: And then he said, you went back and opened it again. You just had to straighten something out, didn't you?
- [Monk shrugs]
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: I'm going ask the mayor to give you a medal for what you did, and then I'm going to ask the mayor to take that medal back, because you just had to open that door.
- Adrian Monk: It's a wash, isn't it?
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: It's a wash.
- Adrian Monk: Captain, that grenade... had Russian markings on it.
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Yeah I know, we found a piece of it. It was made in Chechnya. This guy must be very well connected. Whoever he is, you must be making him nervous.
- Adrian Monk: [about Harold Krenshaw] I told you. He will drive you crazy.
- Lt. Randall Disher: So is he the guy?
- Adrian Monk: No. I wish he was, but he's not the guy. He never would have misspelled Natalie's name on the note.
- Capt. Stottlemeyer: How do you know?
- Adrian Monk: Because, even I wouldn't have.
- Lt. Randall Disher: Witnesses are all over the map. Some say they heard five shots; some say nine.
- Adrian Monk: Fourteen. There were fourteen shots.
- Capt. Stottlemeyer: Are you sure? Well, of course you're sure. How did they come? Were they evenly spaced?
- [Monk recites the timing]
- Adrian Monk: Bang. Bang bang. Bang. Bang bang bang bang bang...
- Capt. Stottlemeyer: Rapid fire, semi-automatic.
- [Monk is interviewed by a reporter]
- Reporter: Why did you decide to volunteer?
- Adrian Monk: I'm not a volunteer. I'm her boss.
- Reporter: Ah. That's an interesting angle. Not every boss would allow his employee time off to run for office.
- Adrian Monk: I didn't have a choice. She just said that she was doing it.
- [Natalie refuses to drop out of the school board race after a sniper attack, so Captain Stottlemeyer sets up protection]
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: And I'm assigning you a bodyguard. Lieutenant...
- [pins a "Vote Teeger" button to Randy's lapel]
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: ...thank you for volunteering!
- Natalie Teeger: *He's* my bodyguard?
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: 24/7!
- Natalie Teeger: I'm *still* not dropping out!
- [She walks away]
- Lt. Randall Disher: That's not my job.
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: It is now.
- [Monk walks into Stottlemeyer's office]
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: [not looking up from his desk] Don't you ever get tired of being right?
- Adrian Monk: I do feel tired. More fatigued, really. I don't know if it's from being right or...
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: It was a rhetorical question, Monk. We might be on to something here.
- [hands Monk a file]
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Jack Whitman. He's been sent up twice, first time for mail fraud and receiving stolen property. Lately, he's been importing rugs.
- [Monk looks up from reading the file]
- Adrian Monk: Rugs?
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Yeah, rugs from places like Chechnya, Uzbekistan. Sound familiar?
- Adrian Monk: [with realization] The shell casing and the grenade.
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: The Feds think that he's a major arms dealer. They raided his office six months ago. They came up empty-handed - no guns, no nothing, no paper trail - All they could get him on was tax evasion. He did five months. He just got out last Wednesday.
- Adrian Monk: And two days later, he's on a roof taking shots at Natalie.
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Then he joins her campaign, and then he tries to take you out?
- Adrian Monk: What do you think he's after?
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: I'm not gonna find out. Let's go get him.
- Adrian Monk: I can't go. You're on your own. Natalie's waiting for me downstairs. I have to go vote.
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Well, that's good. You're doing your civic duty.
- Adrian Monk: There's that. Also, if I don't vote, Natalie will - you know.
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: I know.
- Natalie Teeger: [watching children play on a school playground] Brings back memories, huh?
- Adrian Monk: Yeah... but what are you gonna do?
- [Jack Whitman has brought in some lasagna]
- Lt. Randall Disher: Excuse me. I thought I'd better try this.
- [takes a bite of Natalie's lasagna]
- Lt. Randall Disher: A little too much oregano, but it's not poisoned.
- Jack Whitman: That's what every cook likes to know.